Feeling down today. W has been crying all the time. She told me yesterday that she's worried she's making the biggest mistake in her life. She also admits that this whole thing was a huge misunderstanding.
She keeps saying she doesn't know how to let me go. That she's never experienced heart ache like this before.
Today is our last Sunday together. She is going to the airport to pick up her mom and spend the day with her.
I just have this overwhelming sense of sadness today.
Did you ask her why she was worried this was going to be the biggest mistake in her life? Hard to chalk up these things as misunderstandings in my book. Each person must live with their own decisions and choices.
How different has this time been for you than in times past? Is this round any different to you than others as far as how it's gone, what you're feeling and what you want?
Good luck.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
I think she's uncertain she's doing the right thing.
What's different about this time compared to the past two, the past two breakups have been a split followed by immediate NC for months. This time she had no where to go until after D finishes the school year so we've been in house separated since April.
it's very conflicting for me because when this is all started, she demonized me and made me out to be a monster. Then slowly, she let her guard down and started sharing her feelings with me and I let her vent. Now she is crying every day, asking me for hugs, and just looks miserable. So for me to say goodbye to someone who appears to be reaching out and in pain, is very hard to do.
What about a pause or a time out? I'm in an ok spot to talk about our R, but I know my W is nowhere near it. She's in way too much pain right now. It would only be to shut that pain off and that's probably not the right answer for working at the R.
Good luck Thornton.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
Hi Thornton, I'm sorry you're having a rough weekend. From what you post, it sounds as though the usual dynamic is happening - though as you say the circumstances of this break up are a little different than previously...
Certainly go with your head I would say. Because - what would be any different to before...and a misunderstanding - how so?? That sounds like not taking responsibility to me..
Stay strong and steady - and if you need to - say to her - it's not that straightforward any more..I would have to think about that.
I would let her go and buy yourself some time..
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
This is W and D's last week here. I'm really struggling as we get closer to next Saturday when she leaves for Arizona.
More relationship talk with W last night and this morning. She is a nervous wreck. She keeps complaining about hyperventilating and that she's having trouble breathing due to her anxiety. She's also very paranoid about me finding someone else. She told me this morning that she has been having dreams of me meeting someone new and it tears her apart.
She is also trying to convince me that her mother was never out to get me. I dont beleive that for a second and told her I have always swam against the current when it came to her mom. Her mother wants W all to herself so they can live like sisters and raise D.
I thought I was feeling stronger the last few weeks but it feels like I'm coming unglued. I won't break down and ask her to stay. But I am just heart broken that this happened.
I feel like I'm back to idealizing W and feeling like I'm a failure that I couldn't keep my family intact.
Man Thornton, please keep your head up. You're not a failure. You know it takes two to tango. Y'all both got in this situation and it would take both of y'all to get out.
Definitely don't want to do any knee jerk reactions to your emotions or hers. I wish you all the best.
Me 42, Wife 39; Married 16; Together 17; Kids: D13, S10 Wife asks for Divorce: 03/19/13 Reconcile: 07/07/13 Round 2 Starts: 02/19/17 Apartment Life: 04/21/17 PA Confirmed: 05/23/17
