what's a "grandpa wannabe"?? I have so much catching up to do!
As for the red flags from this day forward...
I now feel that any lie, no matter how small, would be a deal breaker. I am not referring to someone exaggerating a detail, (especially to make the story funnier!!). I mean a factual misstatement said to cover or help themselves in some way.
From the "I'm late b/c traffic was bad" (and you know traffic wasn't bad) to the leaving out of a crucial detail.
Even if you think he simply miscalculated the time needed and wasn't doing anything "wrong", it's the fact that he won't admit he dropped the ball that is so revealing. That someone would lie to avoid admitting even the tiniest of mistakes, is an absolute deal breaker for me. This is something I know.
I don't care about the being late nearly as much as I care about being lied to.
Small and big lies (and secrets!!) and lying by omission (a fav of my stbxh) undermine the foundation of the relationship...lying by omission is a huge form of gas lighting and is harder to prove..."I didn't LIE, I just forgot/didn't think it was important/was going to tell you..." Man, I put up with way way too much of that. I'm mad at myself.
and that weird feeling you get when you sense it, ALL of these makes you withhold some of yourself, and the withholding will undermine and then sink the whole r.
The "vocational expert" hired by my stbxh asked me why I think we are getting a D.
I was surprised by the question and shocked at how many things I felt were part of it. So I blathered on...
I could say "extreme conflict avoidance" but that is just another way of saying "kept secrets" which is usually related to not wanting to be seen at all in a bad light - which is about shame, and all of that leads to being dishonest...
So regardless of the underlying reasons and the childhood crap, or my enabling, etc
I'd say "dishonesty". God, I am shaking my head. Such a dealbreaker.
Ellie, crossing fingers for the exam results!! When do you hear?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I've dubbed the guys in the late 60s-early 70s who are hitting on me as "Grandpa Boyfriend" wannabes, because they're old enough to be grandpas, but wannabe boyfriends.
YUCK.
I'm in my early 50s and have never had Daddy issues, and don't intend to start having them now!
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
