After the baseball game yesterday, we embraced in a hug, took a selfies together (that i was tempted to send to OM), and went to dinner together as a family. Had good times along the way and have been friendly today. Stupid!!!!!
This is why I said that the words you said to her didnt really matter. If you cant back them up with your actions, then not only do they not mean anything, it means she cant believe the next thing(s) you say.
Originally Posted By: sellout
She told OM she had dinner with me and he was pissed stating that he thought I was trying to get her back, etc
Why are you talking to her about OM?
Originally Posted By: sellout
what a warped situation that I don't know how to get out of.
You know how. We're telling you how. You just dont want to do it.
So my wife now thinks I am dating someone (which is not true but I also didn't deny or confirm). So for the last 3 days since she started to think this she now doesn't talk to me. She went from super chatty all of the time, going to dinner, texting a lot...to now, no contact. Since she is no longer allowed to cake eat, perhaps she is mad at me for something? Logic?
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
She's projecting. When people cheat, they often become paranoid about their partner being with someone else.
Meaning what exactly?
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
For example, your spouse may be thinking about transferring all of the money out of your joint bank accounts into her private account. Because she's consider that, she thinks you must be thinking the same thing.
Little do they know, most of us are so blindsided and dumbfounded, that all we want to do is make things better. It's evil meets innocence.
It appears to me by her actions of being mad, calling me names and now not contacting me, that she still has feelings for me. What sad is that it really is a sick game that people play to see how far they can go or how much they can get away with. well progress it seems. yes, NC for sure. No dinners, etc...stay tuned.
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
So my wife now thinks I am dating someone (which is not true but I also didn't deny or confirm). So for the last 3 days since she started to think this she now doesn't talk to me. She went from super chatty all of the time, going to dinner, texting a lot...to now, no contact.
Basically, my answer is 'so'? We cant read her mind, so theres no point in trying. Is she upset because she doesnt like your boundary? maybe. Is she busy with OM and doesnt give a care about you? maybe. Does it really matter though?
Originally Posted By: sellout
Since she is no longer allowed to cake eat
She isnt? You posted that you were 'friendly' on Tuesday. Thats TWO days ago. This whole situation can take years to finally unfold - look for long term trends, not slight bits of noise one way or the other.
It appears to me by her actions of being mad, calling me names and now not contacting me, that she still has feelings for me. What sad is that it really is a sick game that people play to see how far they can go or how much they can get away with. well progress it seems. yes, NC for sure. No dinners, etc...stay tuned.
Sellout, I don't think you see the error in your approach to DB'ing. You are so focused on your W and her ways, that you don't even realize the role that you continue to play.
Every minute spent focusing on your W/OM, is a minute wasted on not focusing on yourself. That is time that cannot be replaced. I suggest to invest all of your time on self improvement. Either you choose to lead the way by fixing yourself, or you choose to let her lead the way. Her way has kept you planted in the front seat of the emotional roller coaster, which is a clear sign that you are not detached.
Read back through your threads. You will see patterns of instability. I know the emotional roller coaster scks. Please don't skim through people's advice. Read it and try to understand how it can help you navigate through your sitch.
So dust yourself off and start focusing on yourself. -GAL - fill your calendar with things to do for YOU. -Work on Detachment - read about it, understand it and practice it (GAL is a key component to get there) -Consistentency on your boundaries -Read Sandi's rules and follow them
Here is a question for you. Describe what your ideal partner would be like. For example: communicative, humble, confident, considerate, etc.
Once you have described your ideal partner. Make it a goal to become that person.
Now I just gave you my time. I'm challenging you to do something with it.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
This is why I said that the words you said to her didnt really matter. If you cant back them up with your actions, then not only do they not mean anything, it means she cant believe the next thing(s) you say.
Originally Posted By: sellout
She told OM she had dinner with me and he was pissed stating that he thought I was trying to get her back, etc
Why are you talking to her about OM?
Originally Posted By: sellout
what a warped situation that I don't know how to get out of.
You know how. We're telling you how. You just dont want to do it.
Sellout
you need to take in what people tell you and process it. Don't ignore it.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
