S13 didn't want to attend the gallery with us, so we went alone. Nothing big, but it was nice to just talk about art and be grown. There's no rush to make a move. But part of my 180 would be to show more affection and to make a move. Which kinds of contradicts the whole no pursuing rule. By not pursuing my W would look at this sitch as business as usual. So right now, I'm doing the 180 changes and trying to balance some light pursuing. If that makes any sense. W has checked in on me when I have pulled away from her. But that tends to just makes her wonder what I am doing or may lead to sex. But not the romance stuff like holding hands or kissing. And still no word on wanting to remain in the MR.
Alright I seriously need some advice here. This evening basically just told my W that I need the master bedroom to myself. She gave me a strange look and then left to sleep somewhere else. Just as I thought things were getting better, I overhear a conversation with my W and her sister talking about bad me. Apparently my W was startled earlier when I walked into the office. The way she acted, she was likely doing dirt. But I walked off and told her to keep doing what your doing. My guess is that my sister in law has no idea of the extent on my W waywardness. She also talked about how she was looking forward to dating other men.
I seriously felt like walking into the middle of the conversation and telling her about yourself, followed by me packing her bags. But I chose to keep it all to myself. When she tried crawling in bed with me tonight, I basically told her that need to be alone tonight. Thinking about doing this the next couple of nights to see her reaction. And if things don't improve, then I'm pushing for talking with her about moving in with her sister instead. I also heard a name of someone that I suspect my W might be messing with a few months back after the OM kicked her to the curb. So I'm trying to remain calm, but everything in me wants to throw her out in the street with all her stuff. And exposing her cheating self to our friends and family who know nothing about this.
I am confused. So, you are trying to get closer, wanting to "lightly pursue" asking her on a date.... then you kick her out of the MBR?
If I am getting this straight, I can see why she might be venting to someone else. You are asking her out on dates then kicking her out of the MBR the next night?
Can you see where this might make her say WTF? You need to stay consistent. She's going to have nothing nice to say about these tactics. And she is going to vent about you to someone. I am not surprised.
I didn't kick her out. Just told her that I wanted to be in the room alone last night. But this was after she was talking to SIL. Her behavior was completely different this morning being friendly and making me breakfast. Either she is crazy or being fake. My guess is being being fake.
My father who apparently can predict my W behavior suggest that she just wants to be out there dating. And suggest just telling her what I know and then asking her to leave the home. Says I should have some self respect by not tolerating this behavior. I would disagree with him, but based on some of the opinions I've heard on this board it might be time for her to experience loss.
If she is openly discussing dating that is pretty clear that she has checked out of the marriage. I think you are right to push her out. I can understand your ambivalence but at the same time that type of attitude on her part is not that far off from an A. She doesn't respect you or the MR.
Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs 4 children ILYBNILWY 1/30/17 PA confronted 3/6/17 Separated same house
W already had an A with her sisters married cousin (they have different fathers). Pretty my SIL still has no clue about it. Seriously thinking about sitting them both down and talking about that before suggesting that my W goes off to live with her.
Alright everyone, just returned from IC and it was suggested that I ask W for a separation if she isn't willing to work on the MR at this point. At this point, I have no clue if she is contacting other men or not. But the concern is that my W talking bad behind my back to people. And then smiling in my face at home will somehow cause me to get upset and backtrack. I discussed this with my W best friend and he suggested that it was time to separate and file for a BD myself. Says he known her since they were 9 years old and she basically wants to be out screwing other men. Apparently my W told him quite a bit before he got fed up and stopped talking to her.
His suggestion based on their past is that its going to take me filing or signing those final papers to make her realise the mistakes she's making. Friend also stated that she has never listened to his advice, even though he has proven to be right countless times. So he applauds me for my efforts, but he already knows what needs to be done. W knows she is dead wrong, but has to fall on her face to finally get it. And to be honest, I knew this for myself. But was hoping, praying and DB'ing that it wouldn't have to come to this. So my question is should I take this advice or continue on the path on limbo?
Interesting your IC suggested you should separate. I don't believe mine has given me specific advice and only walked me through my own discernment.
Still though you're ambivalent like me. Some on here say that you will just know when it's time. I don't feel that way yet myself although I have no hope. Take advantage though of your ability to talk to others. The only person I have to talk to is my IC.
If you don't really want a divorce though then there's no reason to discuss it. Don't give it legs.
Keep posting.
Me46 W46 M25yrs T29yrs 4 children ILYBNILWY 1/30/17 PA confronted 3/6/17 Separated same house
