Does DB'ing work and will it save my Marriage?

[Coconut]

One of the most common questions asked by someone who comes to this forum right after having a bomb dropped (bd) on their marriage.

It is one of the most common questions I see, but it is also probably the Hardest question to answer; because the ones that ask it are not only new to the concept of DB’ing, but also have not yet come to realize that their marriage (M) ended prior to them showing up (when an affair (A) is involved)… So how do you effectively explain that DB’ing will save their life, it will make them happier than they could ever think they will be again (at that moment), and their spouse (S) may find themselves once again attracted to that happy person.

How do you explain that successful DB’ing may give them an opportunity to save their M by helping their S once again see the person they fell in love with in the first place, and want to try reconciling. How do you tell them that if they get there, it will be the hardest part of this journey and they may decide they aren’t interested in putting in the work to try forming a new marriage relationship (MR); Does that mean their M wasn’t saved by DB’ing, if the opportunity was there but they found themselves happier moving forward without the WS?

I will say this for sure, you have come to a place where you will find support from others who are, or have been, in the same situation, where people will listen to you, will offer sincere words of encouragement, and will be a friend when you need one the most.

Ps – my thought on if DB’ing works and will save your marriage; the faster you can detach, the better your chance at having an opportunity at reconciliation…

[cheesyt]

I think it's sheer luck to be honest. I can't say I followed DB to a T but I did detach, I'd say I'm pretty over it, and once the rope was dropped, left a little glimmer of light for W to have a path, she never did. Others did all the wrong things and spouses came back. other's left their Wayward after they came back.
I truly believe DB gives you something to do. Once you have something to do, you quit focusing and obsessing on the marriage, the spouse. In a way it forces you to look at the person in the mirror, and ultimately that's the gift. You find you, and you save the most important person in that Marriage, yourself.