On way to DB Victory?

[LH19]

I agree with Ginger.

Your wife is going to cake eat as long as you keep feeding her. She gets to stay in the house, have your son 75% of the time and have a boy friend. Oh yeah, and a husband who accepts all this and picks her flowers.

You stall on the divorce and she will cake eat all summer long.

[Becky99]

My vote is the same as Ginger's. Don't push, don't stall. (But if you wanted to ask your attorney to have a conflict on the first available court date? I don't think that'd be a bad tactic.)
Assuming you stick to the DB rules, I think time is your friend when your spouse's heart needs convincing.

[Tread]

I say what a bit longer. W still needs to be convinced your changes are permanent before being forced to make a decision. Just stay calm for now and if you feel this way a few weeks/months from now. Then push the issue.

[sellout]

Agreed with everyone. I don't want to force her hand, I want her to "want" to come back under the right circumstances. I figure that when all of this shakes out and the divorce is near final it would have been appx. 8-9 months of separation. The good news is that neither one of us has mentioned the divorce in over 3 weeks.

[sellout]

Question: The longer DB goes on and the less time you visit, speak, communicate with spouse: how do they know you are still interested in working on marriage?

Example: I am GAL, 180, Detaching - and then months go by and we slowly start drifting apart...how does/will she know I still want to work on marriage? Do we ALWAYS let them to be the one to bring it up? What if they are scared of rejection and don't want to bring it up?

Make sense?

[Ginger1]

If they really, truly, want it, they will risk the rejection.

[Thornton]

^^^ Yep. Or they will come up with countless silly reasons to contact you.

[sellout]

Yeah, understood. She is now questioning me on why I don't response to texts sooner in the evenings and what I have been doing in the evenings.

[25yearsmlc]

No, you shouldn't do it. Come on sellout. Your emotions are all over the place.

One minute you say that you are detached, the next you want to flip out on your W. If you were detached, you would not have these emotional highs and lows.

What happened that you are in a different place from this morning?


Sure, you can have plenty of women and have a good time. isn't that one of the reasons you find yourself here to begin with?

Own your sh!t and fix it. If you don't fix it, you will find yourself in the same situation with a new person.

Please see that this^^^ needs to be read again, Sellout....

what is different about you as a h now, than before?

I'm not talking about your w, but you. You are here and she is not, and you are all you control.

Here is a small 2 x 4 given with the best of intentions.

If you cannot control your own emotions better, why expect her to do so?

[sellout]

I DID control my emotions. Instead of doing what I said, I vented on this board. That is the definition of controlling my emotions. People don't walk around like robots. Come on guys. I am not all over the place. I don't ever initiate conversations with her, when she calls/text me, I am calm, nice and soft spoken and the first to end the call. Its all good.