Here's a news flash. You enable her behavior. That's the role you are playing.
You will no longer be enabling her when you choose to have some boundaries. This isn't all on her. Look in the mirror buddy.
You have choices in this that will influence the direction of your sitch. It begins with you. Either you choose to lead or continue to follow her lead.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Your right but needed to vent. She is just so unappreciative of things I do. So annoying.
Quit doing things for her and with her. Especially without any expectations.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Remember the golden rule for DB, when in doubt do nothing. You will only regret it if you do. Find something to distract yourself from the urge to call her. Go run three miles or something. Also read BluWave's posts on the mindreading. Her H came back and she could discuss with him certain things she was convinced he was thinking or doing at different times. Guess what, she was dead wrong. None of us can read minds. Stop reading the tea leaves and don't be premature in declaring victory.
Someone talk me of the ledge... I am getting my MOJO back and starting to care less and less (at least at the moment). I am wanting to pick up the phone and really tell wife what I think of her and what she is doing and tell her to have a good life (not really). Other than for our son why would I want to take her back now? I have plenty of women that I could choose from and I am sure have a real good time with. Should I do it?!?!?
Good. You're really starting to GAL, detach, and move on. Not faking it like so many LBS/BS's do. When I first started DB'ing I was faking all that stuff and I learned that doesn't work. They see through it and know they still own you. If you truly GAL, detach, and move on then they'll see it's for real and if there's any chance then that'll bring them back. It did for me. The thing is, you might realize the truth, that you really are too good to be cheated on and you deserve better.
Yeah, I was being sacarstic when I was saying these things last night. Obvoiusly I wouldnt do that and jeapordize all of the hard work Ive put in thus far. But on the other hand it is nice to have feelings like this every once in a while that you know you are going to be ok whatever happens.
She has been very nice to me lately. Nothing extradinary but certainly better than before. Like many have said here, it probably will not be a sudden act where she calls and says lets work on the marriage but rather a lot of small things along the way (temp. checking).
The hardest part of all of this is putting your pride and ego aside. Do others agree with this?
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
I read everywhere that time is your friend on saving your marriage. Our divorce is in the works and have a few months to go I would assume. She hasn't mentioned the divorce in a couple of weeks. She did make a comment a few weeks back that she wanted to potentially delay it so our son could stay in his house through the summer and have his friends over and swim in the pool, etc...
With that said I have two options:
1. Advise my attorney to slow play the divorce to buy time to continue to DB and see what happens. This info would be Top Secret and my wife, nor her attorney would be none the wiser. I would still keep my wife thinking that things are progressing along as normal. I am the petitioner and can play the cards how I want.
2. Tell my wife absolutely not and keep moving with divorce to "force her hand" into making a decision.
People say that when the For Sale sign shows up in the front yard it gets real for them and sometimes that is a breaking point. This is also a risky move.
Thoughts?
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
I am pretty sure it has been mentioned many many many times that you cannot force her hand into making a decision.
That is not saving and rebuilding a marriage. That's being forced into a choice.
Let me as you a serious question.
Do you want to go back to the marriage you had, or do you want your issues remedied and want to build a new stronger marriage?
because if you try to "force" her hand and she chose to stay because she was forced into it, how will that strengthen your marriage? You'll end up right back here.
This is stinks. But there is no quick and easy solution.
If you do get divorced, you do realize you can get married again, right?
Ginger1: I agree 100% that I would not and don't want to go back to same marriage as we had before. With that said, things are already in the works for that not to happen: I.e. - me working on myself to become a better man, father and hopefully husband. She would obliviously need to work on herself as well.
So, if I understand you, your vote would be to stall out and buy some more time?
Others?
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
Me: 38 Her: 33 Bomb: 1/6/2017 Separated: 1/10/17 Together: 16 Years Son 12 Years Old She and Son still at the house Divorce Filed/Retracted Multiple Times Divorce: scheduled to be final 6/20/17
