What would be the right things to do now?

[neha321]

You can't go back to the same marriage, because it clearly didn't work. Saying things like "he knew who I was" doesn't really hold water, because that relationship didn't work. Unfortunately, in your posts above l, I don't see an acknowledgment of your own faults so it's hard to direct you on where to go from here.

There's an exercise that I've done that might help you to look inward more deeply. Make three lists. In the first, list the qualities in yourself that you like. What are your core principles that you aren't going to change. Then make a list of qualities about yourself that you don't like. These could be things you noticed or things H may have commented on. Then make a list of qualities in other women that you admire. Your goal is then to look at those things from lists 2 and 3 and set goals for how to embody those qualities.

Thank you Kalizen for your helpful suggestions. I really appreciate it. But I realize that I am not willing to solely work on the marriage if he doesn't. I came here actually to ask if there is something I should refrain from doing (like chasing him) that could further jeopardize the relationship. Perhaps we are just too incompatible and it wasn't meant to work anyhow.

The reason I have my own apartment is because I inherited it and my mother lives here. Otherwise I would probably have rented it out.

I will however try out your exercise. Perhaps not to save my marriage but I believe it would greatly help me improve as a person.

Thank you again.

[Cadet]

Perhaps not to save my marriage but I believe it would greatly help me improve as a person.

If you are going to save your marriage improving yourself as a person is the right way to go.

Good idea.

[Cadet]

Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.

Where can I get a copy of the DR/DB book? Like I said, I am from an entirely different part of the country.

The links in my first post will give you a way to buy it, also you can read the first chapter.

Does your country have a library, maybe they can get it for you.

[MoveFrwd]

I realize that I am not willing to solely work on the marriage if he doesn't. I came here actually to ask if there is something I should refrain from doing (like chasing him) that could further jeopardize the relationship.

I think maybe it would help to frame things this way - right now, there is no marriage to work on. He isn't interested in the relationship with you, so anything you do to push on the MR will most likely drive him further away. Instead, I continue to recommend you look inward. I don't know anything about your first marriages, but this is #2 for both of you. What patterns have you noticed about yourself that would lead to these problems? Why would you expect a future relationship to have a different outcome than this one?

As for detailed actions, read Sandis rules in the stickies post. Start there.

[Cristy]

Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Thanks Cristy. But I like I said, I am from an entirely different part of the world and for me it would be making a long distance call and might be a little too expensive for me to afford. Do you think we could talk on viber or whatsapp?

Hello neha321,

We work with many, many people from all over the world. It is possible to find an inexpensive way to call.

You should be able to order the books from our website and have them shipped via Amazon. Have you ordered from Amazon before?

Cristy