I have been. I been doing a ton of GALing, but I still can't shake the uncertainty. I've been peaceful with a steady demeanor. Its the decision of weather to stay or to go that I long for.
Findair - I know about obsessing all too well, it's a nightmare.
I agree with Kaizen, you need to start challenging yourself to not "wait" for her. This is something I've been trying to do as well. I'm not suggesting you give up on W. I'm suggesting you take some time away to recharge your batteries and to maintain your sanity.
Here's what I do know... if your W has unresolved issues to work through, these issues are not resolved quickly. You can't fix her, only she can do the gut wrenching work to fix herself.
Yes your probably right. Or, just put the milestone event out of mind. It is what it is and it will be what it will be. right? Just can't do it right now.
I agree that your goal should always be to make it to the next day. During these types of situations, emotions change way too much. Especially in the early months.
Yes your probably right. Or, just put the milestone event out of mind. It is what it is and it will be what it will be. right? Just can't do it right now.
All you need to do is say when you wake up "I will not file for divorce today". If thats eventually not the case, then you can proceed like that.
I found that I was helped a lot by focusing on the present and not worrying about things that may never come to fruition.
W and her shrink want me to do a session with them next week and maybe a few more after that. Not sure what to do. I have a DB coach and she is going to a psychiatrist and we are not doing any MC together. Although I would ultimately want to do MC. W wants to figure out why she has these deep rooted issues first and I kind of want to work independently as well. Just wanted to get your thoughts. Thanks everyone!
It's been over a month since I last posted and there have been so many changes.
My fear of staying in a lack luster non trusting relationship got the best of me. I went away by myself and reflected on the 20 year marriage.
I came home and filed.
My patience has been gone for a long time and though I'm not sure that I made the right choice, I felt that theres to much baggage to carry and healing to do.
W's reaction wasn't what I thought... it was more contentious than sad, so I might have made the correct choice.
My fear of staying in a lack luster non trusting relationship got the best of me. I went away by myself and reflected on the 20 year marriage.
I came home and filed.
I think you're being hasty, it's only been 3 months since BD. I know how it is, a lot of times we just want to rip the bandaid off and get it over with. But you're emotions are still very raw and you are still trying to find your way through this. So is she. I would suggest easing off of that and continue getting counseling and allow her to continue her counseling. Are you still talking to a DB coach? Continue that. Explore your feelings with the counselors, they'll help you find your path.
