Gordie: trying to focus on me 2

[Gordie]

Roist/Cali/Bird,

Thank you guys for walking this road with me. I haven't brought the filing up and w has been normal to happy and smiling and kissing all weekend. I do think she is trying everyhing to change her life. She has previously admitted she may be making a mistake in wanting a d...but feels like she has to try it--to put herself first for once. She has been all over the map in what a d agreement would look like. It ranges from something traditional to staying together under the same roof and living as an unmarried couple to everything in between. Good news is I am not an emotional wreck. I have accepted that w may or may not d me and that life will go on. i know I have very strong r with my children and that will continue whether or not we d.

[WillDo]

I have accepted that w may or may not d me and that life will go on. i know I have very strong r with my children and that will continue whether or not we d.

These are not easy sentences to write. You are doing very well. My prayers are with you.

[HaWho]

Gordie - yes, in the early days they do yo-yo. She is going to do what she is going to do. However, we need to think about what works for us.

My h wanted to get an apartment, sleep around but return for dinner every night and sleep here. He wanted to pretend he was the model guy all while living a double life.

Of course he was free to leave and live whatever life he wanted. But, for me, that arrangement was not something I considered for a nano second. I was humiliated he would think I would ever agree to that. Some day my kids might find out I reduced myself down to nothing! And worse yet, was facing my maker after living such a sham.

My point is, it matters little what she wants. Make sure you are formulating boundaries that work for you if d does happen. Hold yourself up to the level you deserve.

In the end, if you retain your dignity, you have not lost a thing.

[Gordie]

HaWho--thank you so much. I need to figure out these boundaries. I won't be in a three way r. I will not be cut out of my children's lives. I need to think more and reflect and pray.

Happy Easter. W still hasn't mentioned the filing. We are getting ready to go to church and doing all the family Easter celebrations. I really need faith at this time.

[SBJ]

Happy Easter Gordie...you and yours are in my thoughts and prayers this Holy Day.

[Gordie]

So enjoyed a pretty normal Easter with w and kids. My prayer was that God can resurrect my dead marriage. Heading out to work this morning, w gives me a kiss and word she is proceeding with d. She asked if I could do some more d paperwork and I said yes and wished her a good day.

Here's my vent: w raised real issues with me. We have discussed them. I have made changes. We are closer than we have been in years. Sex is better and mutually enjoyable. W appreciates the changes but...she is still moving ahead. So what do I do now? I guess I keep doing the same, being the best me possible, whether or not we d.

[LH19]

Gordie,

I am on the same boat as you accept we are disconnected right now.

Be the best you and move forward. My wife and your's are going to find out real quick that be single in your 40s with young children is not going to be all that its cracked up to be.

Then it will be our choice on if we want them back or not.

[mirage]

Gordie,

This is tough to do, but appreciate the fact she voiced real issues and you were strong enough to see they were valid and make changes within yourself. This is healthy human being behavior to want to make yourself better.

As far as her, this is standard. My EXW said one time you have changed a lot but it's not enough. Understand they are running from themselves, not us. You could have been perfect and it ends the same.

Allow her to live her journey. If one day she changes and you are receptive then you have a decision to make. Until then create a great life for yourself with the changes you have made.

Mirage

[Gordie]

LH19 and Mirage,

I know you are right. This is a bitter pill to swallow. There is a part of me that feels like a complete failure for losing the love of my life and not being able to hold my family together but I know that while I was far from perfect our problems were addressable. This is the worst thing I have ever felt, but you know that. I am a damn good man and my w is a fool to leave me. I am still hoping and praying but preparing for the worst. I still have to be strong for my children, for myself. There's no time or use in having a pity party.

[bttrfly]

yes, i know exactly what you mean. it's a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that this was fixable but our MLCers chose something else.
{{{{{Gordie}}}}}
Do you know this? It's helped me a lot and I share it with you (attributable to Blessed Mother Teresa):

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.