Thank you all for just checking in. Not had many minutes to myself to check in on here with the two little ones.
I'm doing well thank you, enjoying being on leave from work and being able to focus on being a mama.
I'm not happy about the situation necessarily, but I'm getting on, and I do feel in a much much better place. I still stand by it not being what I want, but it's going through and there's nothing I can do about it. I pretty much leave STBX to it. He has recently admitted to being depressed and that he doesn't know if this is what he wants. But rather than jump and beg, I've left him to it. He doesn't see that I fought for this m, but I've been fighting more than 2 years.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I was sure I had posted a congrats on the birth of your baby message to you before but if I didn't congrats!!! So lovely that you have one of each now, perfect!!
Your H does sound depressed and you are right to leave him to it. You have certainly got your hands full now with your two little ones!
Take care. X
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
So it's been a little while since I last came on here. Apologies, but as you can imagine, my hands are so very full at the moment. With regards to the WH or soon to be ex, nothing much has changed. He goes through phases of which he will want to talk and be super friendly and perhaps suggestive/flirty, to stone silence the next. The D is seemingly still going through, I don't know- or care to be honest right now. I still stand firm by I don't want it, so I don't ask. Of course I frequently question, is a R with him what I want. And I don't really know, not him who he is now, but the man I loved who has been gone for years.
However, I try not to focus on that. I've been seeing an IC for a few months. I do find this is helpful, sometimes very hard emotionally, and sometimes difficult. I get given homework to do sometimes. And I've been trying to really take this serious and use it as my little bit of time for me to help build me back to that confident señora I once was. I know that I've a way to go yet, and days are sometimes a struggle with stress and sleep deprivation. I must admit, I do have some resentment towards WH for leaving me to parent alone, especially on the days with S is being particularly naughty and I've been up most the night with D.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I am so glad you updated! I have been wondering where you were and how things are. I am so sorry to hear it's all kinda the same :-( It must be hard to carry on like that. There is another poster here T384 and she reminds me of you. She was here years ago and is now back, you might remember her. Her H also DB her (for a second time) during her pregnancy. So she now has an infant, young kids, and his WH/trainwreck to deal with. If you have time, read her threads, there are some great posters in there.
I know you are busy, but try to keep us posted from time to time. I am glad you are getting support and seeing a IC. Hope the little ones are well. You are a strong mama, and I know things will get better for you. As you tell others, you keep living a good and honest life, and good will come to you in return.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
Cherry! OMG I am stoked to see you! I was VERY resentful for WH checking out (and staying away in another state for weeks at a time) when DS1 was an infant. Hang in there, eventually they will play together for HOURS and leave you in peace, lol!
Your WH is a...well I can't type things like that on this board. You, on the other hand, are amazing and I am privileged to "know" you. Do you have support?
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Cherry my sweet! So lovely of you to stop by my thread and to offer me some virtual churros. I was out for dinner with a friend a few months ago and saw them on the menu and absolutely had to have them for desert while I talked about your kindness to me.
It sounds like you are doing as well as a single Mom going through everything you are can be. I have no idea how you manage but day by day is probably the answer. I'm both surprised and unsurprised that your ex pops in and out. I presume his mother is still living with you?
It sounds like my virtual grandchildren are doing well and being perfectly normal as well. It may feel selfish some days but remember to look after yourself first and don't be afraid to ask for help. Even though I myself can't be there to help babysit I hope you can find someone who can give you a break from time to time.
I'll let you go now because you are so super busy but thank you again so much for the visit and I look forward to the next time you may stop by.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Cherry - it's been a couple of months. I hope you and the boys are doing well and that you are rebuilding the fabulous life you deserve.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Andrew, mi amor! I’m sorry it’s been so long. I seem to constantly be busy at the moment. Me time is barely existent. I’m trucking on. I’ve been trying hard not to jump on soon to be ex’s rollercoaster. He’s done all the usual push/pull which i haven’t engaged in. There’s been talks of him not being sure about his decision. Instances of him coming on to me, I’ve given in a couple times, and refused more times. He started to become more engaged in seeing the children and we had got to a better place, but then the other day i happened to catch a glance at his phone and saw a message from someone i can only presume is his girlfriend as the name flashed up something like “my boo”. I don’t know why but this seems to have affected me more than i thought. Maybe it’s the mixed signals I’ve been receiving, or the fact that only about 3 days ago he had told a relative about his wife and kids (and named me). I thought I’d stepped off of this ride!
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Can i just add, I’m still not sat moping. I’m busy with the kids and have also started a business with my closest girlfriend which is going well and i am enjoying.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Hey Cherry, happy to hear that things are going well. I don't think that a human being can ever fall entirely out of love with someone. A piece will always remain. The key is to understand it, look at it and not let it get to you, that piece will get smaller.
Don't concern yourself that it has an effect, you're alive, so it will. But the farther you get from BD the easier it will be.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
