I disagree with them as written. Think about being hungry. You eat as much as you want. Then at some point, you are 'done'. But, you will get hungry again.
But for now, the more food you shove in her face, the more she will be forced to push it away.
So back off, and make sure that you are the person you want to be if she does become interested again.
The way I'm feeling today, these words are lot easier to digest Kaizen.
Me:35 W:35 M:5 T:7 NO KIDS S: 3rd Nov 2016 to 4th Feb 2017 BD: 7th Mar 2017 GD: 6 weeks
Jaded or not, it is what it is. False hope is worse than the truth, no matter how brutal it is. If that person chooses to return in the future, then that's all fine and dandy, but living on the hopes of they might is self-destructive.
I get you too Jeep74, I do. Your words are just harsher to take in. But, I understand the meaning behind them.
Me:35 W:35 M:5 T:7 NO KIDS S: 3rd Nov 2016 to 4th Feb 2017 BD: 7th Mar 2017 GD: 6 weeks
Kaizen and Jeep both have great points. Good to keep being reminded that we LBSs nees to be the best person possible for 'if' the WAS comes back. And "if" is the key word and shouldn't be expected.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
so sorry. I feel your pain. that hope that you speak of that is dying...I feel it here too. I've decided to let go, as much as I can, while still living with him. It's torture. we had a conversation last night and I had to hear those heart wrenching words from him once again, the "I'm confused and I don't have feelings for you right now" line. ouch. ouch. ouch. At a certain degree, I'm almost jealous that you can at least be away from her at this point, I know that sounds really bad. I am debating leaving, staying with my sisters for a few days, to let him sit with his feelings. He understands my pain - and every time I tried telling him or throwing out the phrase "i Just don't know" he would say "what do you mean you don't know?" almost like he was scared that I am getting to end of my rope with all this. he said he has been doing a little bit of reading on his end, and he did set up a counseling appointment for just himself with our therapist. He said he doesn't know how to reconnect with me. I threw out a bunch of ways, he still didn't seem receptive. so I give up. he's gonna have to come to me on his own accord, I need to take care of myself at this point.
Sorry to hear on how things are moving for you. But, I do feel you are making the right moves for this phase in your sitch.
Originally Posted By: Sunmoon
Hang in there Jbroken, I'm rooting for you over here in the USA...there is always light after the darkness. You will get through this.
I know I will get through this - I just can't see the destination. Read a quote by Rumi today that touched my heart 'Through love, all pain will turn to medicine.'
In the words of my most favorite musician- "find your medicine and use it" -Nahko and Medicine for the People
I am taking those words to heart tonight, as I am choosing to let go and let it be how its going to be. Long talk with my sister tonight that made everything so clear. no longer going to be his doormat.
In the words of my most favorite musician- "find your medicine and use it" -Nahko and Medicine for the People
I am taking those words to heart tonight, as I am choosing to let go and let it be how its going to be. Long talk with my sister tonight that made everything so clear. no longer going to be his doormat.
Nice words Sunmoon. You hang in there too and be strong. Rooting for you.
Me:35 W:35 M:5 T:7 NO KIDS S: 3rd Nov 2016 to 4th Feb 2017 BD: 7th Mar 2017 GD: 6 weeks
I am taking those words to heart tonight, as I am choosing to let go and let it be how its going to be. Long talk with my sister tonight that made everything so clear. no longer going to be his doormat.
Good for you, Sunmoon!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I started today with a PMA but, have been slipping in and out of the abyss.
My W has literally taken my entire world with her - not a single common friend of ours has come forward to offer any sort of compassion. It's like she took a pair of scissors and just cut me out of my life. I made her my world and she took mine away with her. I guess I keep suddenly realising how alone I am at this very moment.
Me:35 W:35 M:5 T:7 NO KIDS S: 3rd Nov 2016 to 4th Feb 2017 BD: 7th Mar 2017 GD: 6 weeks
My W has literally taken my entire world with her - not a single common friend of ours has come forward to offer any sort of compassion. It's like she took a pair of scissors and just cut me out of my life. I made her my world and she took mine away with her. I guess I keep suddenly realising how alone I am at this very moment.
Man, I'm so sorry. I know the feeling - mine did the same thing. Just like I didn't exist. But you know something? That's OK now. Took me a while to see the light and I'm much better for it.
As I told Sun, the sun will always rise. And so will you. You'll come out of this a much stronger jbroken...what other choice do you have? You have this, my friend. I'm here if you need me - and you know how to find me. Fair winds and following seas, my friend.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
False hope is worse than the truth, no matter how brutal it is. If that person chooses to return in the future, then that's all fine and dandy, but living on the hopes of they might is self-destructive.
On some level, I do agree with this. My feeling is that theres no harm done in leaving a door open for the WS to potentially walk back through later. The destructive behavior is sitting around waiting for that to happen.
In other words, lets say its a nice, sunny Sunday afternoon. Sitting in the living room all day staring at the open door, hoping the WS comes in is I think what you are describing. I agree, thats not healthy behavior. I would go so far as to say that staying home in the off chance that WS comes is also destructive. But, if you plan your day as you wish - maybe planting flowers, then going out for some lunch, and so on and so forth with the door open is OK.
However long you leave the door open is your choice. The key is to be able to leave the door open without focusing on whether or not she has walked through it.
I can understand that and agree totally. In my case, the door would remain open if she sought the help she needs. And there is that matter of trust...She broke my cardinal rule and I'm not sure that's recoverable.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
