Same Sitch. New Approach... Feeling Good (part 2)

[LH19]

Chris,

Really sorry to hear about the outcome but is is great that you guys are amicable and can agree on somethings.

I also know the feeling of relief that it also can bring.

I read a simple quote the other day that really struct me "no one ever died from divorce"

Stay strong!

[Chris73]

On today's agenda...

W and I sit down with my parents to break the news and fill them in on the logistics of the separation. I don't know how it will go, but my wife has already told me that if either of my parents start to talk about reconciliation that she'll just get up and leave. I have no plans to lay blame point fingers. The theme of the conversation will be that we have been trying for a year to come to an agreement about how to move our marriage forward, and we have not been able to. I'm sure the truth will come out once I'm in private conversations with my parents. But it's really important for me that my parents don't disown my wife because of this. They need to be civil towards her in order to maintain a relationship with their grandchildren. This is definitely not where I thought I would be in my life three months before our 10 year wedding anniversary.

Lots of GAL stuff scheduled this week, I'm going to need it!

[Vapo]

Why tha fcuk would you want your W with you when you tell YOUR parents? Just so she could spin her own side?

No no no no no my friend. You tell your parents by yourself and she can go and fly a bloody kite!

[Chris73]

Actually we really didn't tell them anything specific about the problems in the marriage. We only sat them down to tell them that we were separating and how that was going to change the schedule because they help take care of our kids. I did all the talking, she never said a word.

[Vapo]

Still, it seemed like you had a supervised visit and your W did not want your side of the story to come out, she was making sure she wasn't vilified as the bad guy. So in the eyes of your parents (who without a doubt were shocked) this was portraid as a consentual divorce.

[Woke_Up]

Or maybe, "I hate it when Chris kisses my @ss. I can't wait to see OM2."

Mind reading is a terrible thing.

Doodler, you're such a b@stard, in such a good way. I hope your British neighbours are the type who have enlightened you to our over and very jovial use of the word!

We all do the mind reading though.

[Woke_Up]

Chris, I've just caught up with your sitch, and you've done some really good work, but I can completely understand where you find yourself now.

I'll be watching your 'nesting' arrangement with interest.

I'm in a slightly similar position now - I want to push for S as an in house arrangement isn't working for either of us and W is talking about dating at her Moms at weekends to get the kids used to the idea.

Getting things right for the kids in the best way they can be under the circumstances has to be the focus. I'm sure you'll find a weight taken off you when not having to deal with the anger or just plain confusing and hurtful behaviour on a near daily basis.

Keep on keeping on.

[doodler]

Doodler, you're such a b@stard, in such a good way.

Woke_Up,

Yeah, I guess I might enjoy being a b@stard, just a little.

The one word that you Brits use a lot is "brilliant" (as opposed to "cool"); I like that word a lot. On the other hand, you Brits misspell a bunch of words like "neighbor." It should be "neighbor."

My British neighbor is an English professor and he misspells words all the time. I'm surprised they'd let a foreigner teach English in this country. What do Brits know about English?

[Chris73]

I've always been jealous at the way the Brits say "brilliant." I've tried to recreate it but it just sounds like I have a mouth full of marbles. So I've reverted back to "cool."

[sandi2]

I'm sure the truth will come out once I'm in private conversations with my parents. But it's really important for me that my parents don't disown my wife because of this. They need to be civil towards her in order to maintain a relationship with their grandchildren.

It is very unfair to your parents to have your WW with you when you break the news. I've been in those shoes, more than once, and parents need to be alone with their adult child when first hearing of this news.

To not expect some type of reaction from either of your parents, much less in front of the one who is causing this pain for their adult child and grandchildren.......is unrealistic of you, IMHO.

Maybe your parents loved your W, but they are not in-love with her. They have a right to their own emotions. If your child was suffering at the hands of another person.....how would you feel? You will always take priority in the heart of your parents. No matter how old a person gets, it still hurts the parent to see their child in pain.

They may be very graceful, and suppress dismay over this announcement, IDK. Having privacy to ask you questions and to absorb this information is important. I just think you are being very unfair to them by having your WW there. It's also unfair to say they need to be civil towards her in order to maintain a relationship with their grandchildren. Is that your threat, or your WW's?