Newbie Thread 6

[bsb]

Hey hawker, how you holding up buddy?? Sorry to hear that everything was finalized but now maybe you can fully start to move on? I will be right behind you in a few weeks and I'm worried it will be hard just like it was for you.

One day at a time

[KevinIn]

Hawker - since its been 1 year since BD, can you look back to any points when your now Ex may have come back to reality? I'm just starting this journey with a WAW and am doing my GAL, etc. But im curious if they ever have moments where we can truly change their path.
Thanks for any hindsight advice.

[hawker]

Hey guys...

Bsb...I am doing good considering..I had a good cry the day I got the papers and it hasn't been that bad really after...I keep trying to stay busy!! That is the best thing for me and being around my friends, they take my mind off of it. Maybe it will help me to move forward...I know I did all I could to save my M, I can't change her thinking so I have to accept it and do my thing. I will be ok.

Yes, I miss some things but I also have been enjoying "me" time. Sometimes I wonder what I miss exactly...a good friend told me that she learned in IC that other people can fill the void for now to help get you through. I missed going to dinner, movies with my W but I go now with friends, etc.

I am not to the point of moving on to dating, I really have no interest AT ALL....hopefully in time. :-)

KevinIN...Well, it has been a year since I found out about My W was having a EA...we lived in the same house for 6 months but basically "acted" like we still were M except she slept in the spare room. I didn't know about DB until late in my sitch...so those 6 months she was trying to "decide" what she wanted.

She moved out in May still supposedly not knowing what she wanted and then the PA started in July...from there she moved in with AP in Aug...so that is that....

There were a few times I thought she was coming out of it late in the sitch...like in Oct. she said how much she missed me, our friends, our dogs, etc. She asked me "how did all of this happen?" I didn't answer because she needs to figure that out herself. I thought maybe she would realize running away and having an A wasn't the answer...well a week later she said she was filing...so I was wrong....

I don't see any other time really? She acts like she cares sometimes but I just think she is trying to ease her guilt. She is just like all of this is no big deal so maybe she doesn't care at all...IDK....I mean I received the final divorce papers last Sat and on Tues she tried texting me that she saw an article in the paper about a dog virus going around the city......disconnected to reality....maybe she just wanted me to tell her I got the papers....who really knows....

Sorry not much help in that area.....I wish there would be more stories on here of people that came back to reality to see what they were thinking during this time....even if they didn't R with their spouses I just would like to hear what they were thinking....

[KevinIn]

Hawker - thanks for the info. I appreciate you taking the time to reply. Im sure there are success stories somewhere. I dont expect to be one, but it would be nice to hear from some of them that had WAWs.

[bsb]

KevinIn

I would say the "success" is that most of us on here take the time to learn and heal properly. We become better people for the next relationship. That could be with our current spouses or a completely new relationship.

Hang in there, like everyone says.... it will get better with time one way or another.

[hawker]

I would agree bsb...we take the time, put in the work of figuring what we did wrong in the R and learn from that so that we become better people.

It does get better with time....not saying there still aren't hard moments but they are further and further apart each day.

[lt0402]

Hawk. How are you my friend?

[hawker]

Hi LT

I am doing good. I have been staying pretty busy....golfing a lot and March madness hahaha. Today is my ex W's birthday. I wasn't sure how I would feel today but surprisingly I am ok with it, I guess because it is what is is and i don't wanna focus on her.

She has texted about work a few times this week and she slid in some basketball stuff in there. This is the time of the year when we first met 11 years ago....idk if that has anything to do with it....who knows....

Thanks for checking in LT. I hope you have been doing ok. I need to reply to ur last update!

[lt0402]

Busy is always good hawk! I'm jealous on the golf. Used to play 3-4 times a week years ago. Haven't been out since June. Hoping to ramp that up this spring!

Good work on yourself hawk! I'm glad to hear that you're doing so well. All you can do is focus on yourself right now and you are doing a wonderful job at that! Keep it up and enjoy the basketball! Can't wait for the NFL to start back up again, though I get the feeling it'll be a rough year for my skins...

Keep doing what you're doing hawk!

[KevinIn]

a rough year for my skins...

HTTR.

Hawker - this is the first time in nearly 20 years i didnt get into watching March Madness. Once I realized this, it made me even madder at the W. Also picked up golf lessons throughout April to help get my swing back.