I filed - Anxious to get it over

[fightin]

You're right cheesyt, I decided I don't want to live with that, but it was also the ugly side of both of us well before BD that I'm able to see more objectively now that was really the deciding factor. Long before BD I always felt like I had to prove my worth to her and yet I was still never good enough. One of my many faults was that my insecurities made her feel like she always had to validate me to make me feel better and she shared with me how exhausted that always made her feel. I think we just weren't meant to be. Again, I applaud those that want to work on the M. I am in no way was trying to say people shouldn't want to stay. If that's what they want then they absolutely should fight tooth and nail to save their M. I think that is wonderful and I wish everyone the best that does want that.

I thought we had this amazing thing, and sometimes we did, but overall I think we worked too hard and forcing it. I didn't want another failed M. I thought that if I just worked hard enough to keep her, if I worked hard enough at trusting her despite her past A, etc., etc. that we could have this wonderful fairy tale. I wanted that so desperately, but yes, ultimately, I decided otherwise in the end. I might not know 100% what I want out of a M or R, but I know enough of what I don't want to know that I don't what I had with her. Maybe that makes me an @$$ that just gave up without much of a fight, but so be it if that's the case. I refuse to pine away for someone that consistently made me feel like crap about myself and that I know I wasn't a great partner too either. I own my part in our downfall. I made lots of mistakes too. It is likely that I'm just using our flaws as individuals and as a couple as an excuse to walk away, but for me it is saving me from a lot of hurt that I refuse to endure for someone that doesn't want me and was never really nice to me (or others for that matter) to begin with.

Jeep, yes I know she will rewrite history for as long as she wants to. That's fine. Like I said, it isn't worth it to me to address it with her or care what anyone else thinks. It does frustrate me a little, but only a little.

[fightin]

Have a presentation date of March 10th and I'm anxious all over again. Ready for it to be "official" though. Zero contact from STBXW for weeks which honestly for me helps seal the deal for me and makes it easier to accept. I will admit that it is so strange for me to see how I went from (seemingly) happily married to this woman to complete strangers in such a short time though. We've only talked twice since the split and text less than 6 times over the last 3 months. It's like the last 4 years of my life was some sort of messed up dream and never really happened. Odd for sure.

[hawker]

Hey fightin...my D was official over the weekend....she still tries to do some texts with dumb questions but I haven't replied the last few times. I don't know if she has the courage to text me now that the D if final...I'm sure the guilt is higher at the moment, although it won't last for long.

I was talking about the same thing with a friend...I was happily married and now its like I don't even know her anymore...11 years and I still feel like I am in a dream. It is odd...sometimes I wonder are they really in a fog? I know I am/was but are they?

I don't think I will ever understand this whole thing.

Gotta keep moving forward!! Glad your date has been set!

[cheesyt]

I'm with both of you. 6 years and i don't even know this woman.

[bsb]

I think most of us on here say we don't know who our spouses are. I also think most of us will never understand. Some of us that have been going through this for many months may just get tired of the roller coaster ride. I know I am!!

Hang in there

[Chris73]

Hi fightin. Good to see you still posting.

I can't count how many times I've laid awake at night wondering what the h3ll happened to my wife. How did things get so bad so quickly?

In my case they only got bad quickly for me. My W had been unhappy for at least a year (possibly 2) before she started her A in January of 2016. Maybe the signs were there, maybe they weren't. Regardless, I wasn't paying close enough attention.

Anyway, I'm glad you're moving on with your life and finding some peace. Keep at it!

[fightin]

Well tomorrow is D-day and if I'm 100% honest I'm having some rather mixed feelings. I'm sure that is normal, but it surprised me like an unsettling jack-in-the-box. Ha!

I'll touch base again tomorrow after court, but I thought I'd share that even strong-willed, never looking back 'fightin' has not completely hardened her heart. Sigh. One step towards healing and moving on.

[Dawgs]

Well tomorrow is D-day and if I'm 100% honest I'm having some rather mixed feelings. I'm sure that is normal, but it surprised me like an unsettling jack-in-the-box. Ha!

Good luck. And be prepared for anything. ANYTHING.

[fightin]

Thank you for the encouragement, Jeep!

Supposedly she isn't planning on showing up so hopefully it will be smooth sailing. Hopefully. Just communicating with her via text gives me that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach so I'm just ready for it to be all done. She's supposed to go by the lawyer's office and sign something and if she doesn't then she will have to show up tomorrow to sign it so here is hoping that she gets it done today.

[hawker]

Good luck...the mixed feeling are to be expected....hopefully things will go the way you have planned!! Keep us updated!!