my wife can't decide (II)

[WillDo]

And Sat was odd. She said she didnt want me but suddeny said come on. This is where I do 180. I don't beg. I suggest. Then I find something else to work with.

V I focus on the kids. I play with them and be there for them. I have done plenty in the ast 3 years.

[Woke_Up]

Trust me change even the smallest thing. Do 5 push ups a day - in a month you will feel stronger.

This... If you can't face gyms, or going out, body weight exercises are fantastic. Download an iBook called Convict Conditioning. (Don't get the paperback, it's out of print in the UK and Amazon will fleece you big time for a copy).

It's geared so that you can start really easy if you are not in good conditioning, and even if you are. trust me - I started doing pushups for the 22/day challenge last Summer, kept on with it, upped the reps, then discovered this book - I have increased the difficulty, and my muscles and body shape are the best they've been in for over a decade. Without gym equipment. Pushups, Squats, Pullups, Leg raises. All in your own home. (OK, I did the LBS diet after BD, which helped lose the excess baggage around the midsection, but we all do that. Turn a negative into a positive)

WW notices and comments? Great. I don't care, because I notice and feel good about myself.

Once you start feeling good about yourself without the need for other's approval, you can start feeling good about other things in life.

[Woke_Up]

checked the rules. It doesn't say don't apologies. Maybe I can't be Not nice guy. In one day things derailed.

Apologise if you have done something wrong, and you are truly sorry. Do it because it is the right thing to do.

Don't get conned into apologising for everything, or apologising for what you said instead of how you said it, or how you behaved.

So, I am better now at saying "I am sorry I reacted in that way / Or I am sorry I said it in that way"

This is not the same as saying "I am sorry for what I said" if in fact, the message was what you wanted to say, but the delivery was not.

[Woke_Up]

I am applying mindfulness to cope but suffering to be Mr Not Nice giy.
I put a boundry about kids and OM.

What boundary did you put in place? Or is this 2 boundaries? 1 for kids and 1 for OM?

But this forced her to go to a different bed. It feels she respects OM still. I can't take it sometimes.

You did not force her to do anything. My W also says this - she moved to another room after trying to keep me out of the MBR. It was her choice. If they don't want to sleep in the same bed as you, then it is their choice. Trying to get you to move is so that they can feel justified that you are the bad guy, they deserve to have the MBR, they sleep better, etc etc, it is all the fault of the LBS, they would never have had an EA/PA if it wasn't for us... It's all bollocks.

Stop focusing on OM.I wasted too long on this. And still do occasionally, although these days I tend to think about what I can do to p!ss him off... But there's nothing to be gained.

Mindfulness is good. I even use the 'sleep stories' on the 'Calm' meditation app to help me sleep, and they actually work really well.

[WillDo]

Thank you. I never thought about it that way. A year ago yes she made me move to the other room. This year during the argument she just left.

I don't know what nudged me but I check her emails today. Found similar emails from OM that I was aware of. I took pictures are archived safely. An OM who has had 2 divorces. But I did focus on OM. I don't know why. Today I kept on thinking even the past year she didn't cut contact. I had enough clues. No confrontation of course. I am following the MLC chapter.

She has more contact with me but runs to her room as soon as the kids are asleep.

I am trying to limit the time I am on this forum. Though I get curious. Otherwise my mind will be full of it.

I did also notice she looked for 2 bed apartments. Well I don't know. I am doing 180. Not following the instinct. We had a date on 9th of March from the past. I wonder what will happen.

[WillDo]

Another early morning session. Last night my hands were shivering when I wenf through stuff. I am fine. When she was sleeping next to me she was talking to me but then ignoring me. A part of me wants to beg. I don"t want ...

I can only pray.

Bye

[WillDo]

Couldn't resist. I need to wait for her to talk right? I don't mean R talk.
Well she asked me ro pixk up her lenses. Asked me to help wirh the bicycles.
I want to invite her to watch films.

You will say cake eating. She is in MLC. I have to put up with it.
For GAL last night I watched Laurel n Hardy.

[Dawgs]

If she is involved with the OM then I wouldn't invite her to watch films or anything else...

[WillDo]

Well she wanted to watch something on TV. I watched with her. All night she hasn't really spoken to me. We are like friends who have been offended and so doesn't want to talk. I am trying to be patient and read and listen as much as possible.

Try the relationship alive series. Michele is there twice including about her last book. In total around 3 hrs of talk. That is a lot. This is on youtube. I wish she had more content like that. so 2 episodes one about Divorce Remedy other Healing from Infidelity.

What do you listen to? This is one thing Michele advises.

[WillDo]

Again up early and jotting. I rread an article from Michele where it says count ups and downs. So yeah when you think things are better, I hit bottom. I am worried not to reflect it at work. In a sense I dont feel very different as past year I was Cinderella. She still ignored me. Didn't connect. Spoke with me and tension was low. But as she said she just tried to coexisted and continued to see OM. In another article the person gave up mentioning as will have to ait the partner to decide. I thouggt my W had. I continue to do 180 and focus on the kids.