Does anyone have any thoughts for what I should do next? Looking back, I can't believe I have put up with all this. I foresee my WW returning in the future but many issues exist.
Clemson--I'm heartbroken by your situation. I'm going to ask a Q my DB coach asked me: how patient are you willing to be? Sometimes the spouse needs to actually be with the affair partner and separate and divorce before hitting bottom.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Does anyone have any thoughts for what I should do next? Looking back, I can't believe I have put up with all this. I foresee my WW returning in the future but many issues exist.
Clemson--I'm heartbroken by your situation. I'm going to ask a Q my DB coach asked me: how patient are you willing to be? Sometimes the spouse needs to actually be with the affair partner and separate and divorce before hitting bottom.
Thank you. I am heart broken too. I just want my old wife back but I know that is not possible. I am patient but I cannot just wait and let her test out this other guy. My plan is to move on with life and if she comes back we will see where I'm at. I am confident this new relationship will not work and have told others I think the only way she comes back to reality is to hit rock bottom with this guy. Our counselor said she cannot see reality because of her emotions and her self-desire overshadows our relationship. She sent me an email two weeks ago that she doesn't love me anymore like I deserve. She is very cold to me now like we hardly know each other.
I believe you have no kids correct? It makes your decision a lot easier. They say affairs usually fizzle out after 6 months. Can you wait that long and can you forgive?
I believe you have no kids correct? It makes your decision a lot easier. They say affairs usually fizzle out after 6 months. Can you wait that long and can you forgive?
Correct. No kids. I might be able to forgive if I felt she was truly sorry and we put in a lot of work. My plan is to move on with life and if we meet up again then treat it like a new relationship. I just don't think I can wait around on her hoping she comes back. WW was the love of my life so I will always have a spot for her in my heart.
I have done a lot of thinking of other causes of her behavior and the one that makes the most sense is her job. In retrospect all her promotions and accolades at work went to her head and made her a much stronger, condescending and cold person in the few months before the A. These weren't directed at me but others. WW was always a bubbly and cheerful person and now her subordinates don't like her and she is condescending to a lot of people. Even her sisters tell me she is cold and distant and very blunt with what she tells people to the point of offending them. It's like she doesn't care any more if she hurts people's feelings. She told our counselor she was always trying to please people before And this is her doing what she wants.
Has anyone else had their wife return after divorce? How do you get past being the 2nd choice, the betrayal and the concern it will all happen again? Plus there are the damaged relationships. My family is irate with her and I don't know if they would ever forgive.
Clemson, I am so sorry you find yourself here. I know you are in a terribly difficult place and there are no quick solutions.
In regards to the affair fizzling out after 6 mos, maybe it does and maybe it doesn't. I know several people who have married affair partners so I wouldn't put much stock in that figure. I also wouldn't worry what the family thinks. They aren't in the marriage.
Take a step back and think about what you really want to do. You don't have to decide right now. And about 18% of people who divorce remarry. Maybe you would be in the 18% or maybe the 82%. Doesn't matter right now.
Hang in there. It does get much better!!!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I have to say that I like your boundaries. Wish I felt that way and acted on it sooner myself.
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
I just re-read your story and IMO that fantasy world is going to come crashing to the ground real soon. Moving to a new state for a man she barley knows with three small children. Unlikely chance that works out.
It's like the national championship game, sometimes you come from behind to win.
Wild game for sure. The football team was awful when I was there in the '90's. Unfortunately, I couldn't enjoy the game and the win as much as I would have liked because I was going through this nightmare. I'm hoping for a comeback by my WW but sometimes wonder if I would be happy if it actually happened.
