Well, now I finally truly know what I'm dealing with and pretty much know what happened, which was what I suspected all along. She was not likely near the end of her rope in our marriage, but she was quite dissatisfied. Still loved me and enjoyed being around me. I really believe that, but could be wrong. But she was vulnerable to falling for other men, because of her dissatisfaction. Now it's time to truly dig into Sandi's information.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
My views are very different for you and your sitch, sort of counter intuitive.
The level of hurt betrayal and pain you feel is affecting you physiologically. You tell us that you have trouble eating and no doubt sleeping and other caring of self.
Unlike others, I do think this isn't easy to fix, you can't force feed yourself breakfast or make your mind still. This indicates trauma to me and distress. I read a little anxiety and perhaps physiological depression. Have you asked your medic? Are you currently having IC?
These things are vital for your wellbeing and you may need a superbetter style of approach. Extreme self care, I really mean extreme. What you eat can be of the highest quality and gradually you can rebuild. Extensive exercise and high protein breakfasts can be for the rugged. This roller coaster is likely to means some days Yes you can and others just washing your face and getting out the door is hard enough.
I am concerned about you and want you to be grounded with a healthy base to operate on. This isn't easy and the path is never a smooth one.
And it's ok, truly it is, you are bang on target for this. There is even a grief cycle to follow, known as the Kubler Ross cycle. This starts after the denial phase is over. It is part of recovery, even if it seems to you this is worse than not knowing then truly is the beginning of healing. Once you know then you will never unknow.
This is the start of repair, gentleness, kindness and extreme self care.
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Do you work out? If so, make a protein shake/smoothie and hit the gym. Take out your frustrations on the weights, whatever. When I'm feeling particularly bad, I hit the punching bag for a bit. Gives me nothing else to think about but that. And I hit it hard. Lately, I've been pushing myself further than I have in many years.
You'll figure it out.
Yeah, I work out, and I've been doing protein shakes. I have a weight set at home that I've been using, and I've been making progress with it, but it's hard to increase my weight from my normal, when I'm not eating enough. Hopefully, I will now that I have some closure on what happened with my W.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
I agree with Vanilla. Head to the GP. Medication will not cure bit help. I suffered from depression all my life. You carry the same brain in the gym. Mindfullness. Ease your mind. CBT. Don't change what you are thinking. Change the way you are thinking. Good luck.
Me: 43, W: 43 M: 16, T: 18 D - 7, D - 7 ILUB: 26 August 2014 Still living together
Please don't gloss over what Vanilla posted to you. She makes some very valid points and I believe she is on to something.
When you get an opportunity, take the time to dig into that post. I think it is that important.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Please don't gloss over what Vanilla posted to you. She makes some very valid points and I believe she is on to something.
When you get an opportunity, take the time to dig into that post. I think it is that important.
I can't believe that you guys can sense my hurt and fear in the things I've said. I have felt like I have been keeping it mostly out of what I type here.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
Please don't gloss over what Vanilla posted to you. She makes some very valid points and I believe she is on to something.
When you get an opportunity, take the time to dig into that post. I think it is that important.
I can't believe that you guys can sense my hurt and fear in the things I've said. I have felt like I have been keeping it mostly out of what I type here.
Honey no. It's so clear.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Isn't it possible that some women really need their guy to beg them to come back? That they need to feel that they are truly needed? Maybe my wife was with me because she thought I really needed her, and she wanted to save someone. Then maybe, because of my lack of appreciation and attention, she thought that I no longer needed her. I'm so afraid that the DB techniques, though they might work on most, might not on all. My wife might be a very special case. I just hate sitting here not being honest with her, but instead pretending like I'm ok with moving on with or without her. I'm not ok at all with that. And I really wonder whether she needs to know it.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
Isn't it possible that some women really need their guy to beg them to come back? That they need to feel that they are truly needed? Maybe my wife was with me because she thought I really needed her, and she wanted to save someone. Then maybe, because of my lack of appreciation and attention, she thought that I no longer needed her. I'm so afraid that the DB techniques, though they might work on most, might not on all. My wife might be a very special case. I just hate sitting here not being honest with her, but instead pretending like I'm ok with moving on with or without her. I'm not ok at all with that. And I really wonder whether she needs to know it.
It is abundantly clear that you are terrified of losing your W. It is also abundantly clear that her actions speak volumes. Her actions say that you have already lost her.
I also realize that you are emotionally fragile. You've shared some of your personal challenges and that's why I think Vanilla's post is important. She asked you a couple of questions that I hope you answer.
There are patterns in your threads. We have tried to hammer home the need for you to work on yourself first. What I take away is that you refuse to listen to our advice, which leads me to believe that you wouldn't listen to your W. Listening is required for any relationship to work. Granted, now I'd be very cautious in listening to her.
That being said, you are having difficulty getting out of your own way. You need to stop the rinse, repeat cycle.
Honestly, it is a concern to your fragile state. I hope that you seek the help and support that you need from more than this board.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
