. The thing is is that I am to the point that I do not think I want to be with her anymore. The seperation has allowed me to realize that and her unwillingness to even try, I am done with that. She was having an affair for almost a year now and continues to do it so that just shows you she don't care about the kids or me so why should I care anymore. I am moving on. I hung on for a bit and have enjoyed getting a life and can now see myself living without her.
Both sad and refreshing, eh? Looks like you are doing well, my friend.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Yes. I couldn't stand living with her anymore and we can't afford two places. So for the sake of the kids we just swap in and out every week. It actually works out pretty good, as long as you like the place you are staying at on you off weeks which I do
Last I was doing the same thing during my stitch. I realized later that all I was doing was enabling her. She was cake eating. You need to be in the house. If she wants to separate she should be the one to do everything, let her leave the house, let her file divorce etc. You can't save a marriage if you're not there. Hang in there it gets better.
Yes, this ^^^. This is almost ver batim what I was going to follow up with. She's living the fantasy and you're completely enabling it. She gets family time when she wants it and fun time with OM when she wants it and you're going along with all of it. Why should she want to change anything?
That doesn't bother me. We both sleep in there , not together obviously since we are not here at the same time anymore. The thing is is that I am to the point that I do not think I want to be with her anymore. The seperation has allowed me to realize that and her unwillingness to even try, I am done with that. She was having an affair for almost a year now and continues to do it so that just shows you she don't care about the kids or me so why should I care anymore. I am moving on. I hung on for a bit and have enjoyed getting a life and can now see myself living without her.
Good for you. The point of dbing is so that we heal for ourselves and our marriage recovery is a by product of it. Our happiness lies within us and we do not need anyone else to make us happy.
- M:32 and WW:31 D4 - Married 5 years, 11 years together - ilybinilwy 9/28 EA Confirmed + request for divorce - 10/16 Affair ended - 10/28 WW wants to reconcile after I agree on divorce - Current - Piecing
Yes. I couldn't stand living with her anymore and we can't afford two places. So for the sake of the kids we just swap in and out every week. It actually works out pretty good, as long as you like the place you are staying at on you off weeks which I do
Last I was doing the same thing during my stitch. I realized later that all I was doing was enabling her. She was cake eating. You need to be in the house. If she wants to separate she should be the one to do everything, let her leave the house, let her file divorce etc. You can't save a marriage if you're not there. Hang in there it gets better.
Yes, this ^^^. This is almost ver batim what I was going to follow up with. She's living the fantasy and you're completely enabling it. She gets family time when she wants it and fun time with OM when she wants it and you're going along with all of it. Why should she want to change anything?
How do you apply DBing to this, so that the LBS can draw a line in the sand, but not seem controlling?
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
Standing your ground isn't being controlling. In no way should he leave, and I don't think its controlling to say "I'm not leaving the house" or the like. He isn't making her leave. What he can say are things like "I'm not going to live in a marriage where I am disrespected," etc., or something along those lines. But, he needs to back his statements up, too. He can let it be known that he won't leave the MBR, house, etc., because he isn't the one who left the marriage. If she wants to leave it, then so be it, but he won't. Heck, I'd even say if she were to sleep in the MBR, then she should expect to be hit on... haha.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
