Jeep-- yes, there is support. I researched everything on support, property division, and parenting, and am peace w/ what I offered. And am happy to report that my W and I agree on it all. It's equitable and decent, I believe. And we did it in an amicable way. It remains to be seen how well she will manage her life w/o me.
CT-- funny, I'm also a pretty visual person, so I've imagined you and your situation, and when I have the images of you blend and weave with images from my own life, and the pain you've felt is searing at times. But I bet if we were ever to actually see each others' lives, they'd be very different than imagined. Life is just complicated, and interesting.
My plan: move into my new house on March 1. Will have a "big talk" with kids several days prior, so that it's neither a shock nor the anticipation is prolonged. My W and I will also file judgment by the same date -- and there is a checkbox saying we both agree to the terms -- and AFAIK the court will rubberstamp the divorce.
I will take my ring off on February 28 when I go to bed.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
And do you give the ring back? Put it in a safe? Bury it? Throw it off a bridge?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Congratulations on coming to an amicable agreement. My W and I are too...almost done...think we have some similarities there...wish we could compare notes IRL. I know my W will struggle with money. I was more than generous, but she's never been able to stick to a budget. She wants me to teach her how I pay the bills and manage the money and pay the taxes, etc.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
I think I'll take mine off when the gavel goes down at our hearing, which won't be until sometime in May.
I'll probably throw it into the river. Maybe someone will find it some day, Gollum-style.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
JR, mail yours to me. I'll melt it down, sell the gold, and buy us a couple of real fine scotch.
No, seriously ... I won't throw it away. I plan on boxing up all of my mementos of the marriage and tape it shut real good. It happened to me. It's a part of who I am, and I have good will towards her.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
G-- mine is the same way. Never managed her own life independently. I think it is to her credit to crave and want that kind of empowerment. I just wish she could find a way to do it w/o blowing up our marriage and family.
I think in many ways ... if I subtract about 10-15-20 years from her age, then everything makes sense for what she's feeling, what she wants for herself. I am not certain she will progress through this stage and emerge at the other end.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
No, seriously ... I won't throw it away. I plan on boxing up all of my mementos of the marriage and tape it shut real good. It happened to me. It's a part of who I am, and I have good will towards her.
Hmmm...that's a good idea. I hadn't thought of doing that.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
No, seriously ... I won't throw it away. I plan on boxing up all of my mementos of the marriage and tape it shut real good. It happened to me. It's a part of who I am, and I have good will towards her.
That's a good idea. I'll do the same. I have all of our stuff in a central place. Maybe I'll get one of those storage bins. I can't bring myself to throw it out.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
G-- mine is the same way. Never managed her own life independently. I think it is to her credit to crave and want that kind of empowerment. I just wish she could find a way to do it w/o blowing up our marriage and family.
I think in many ways ... if I subtract about 10-15-20 years from her age, then everything makes sense for what she's feeling, what she wants for herself. I am not certain she will progress through this stage and emerge at the other end.
Agree. I wish she could get what she wants and stay M...but alas, she can't or doesn't think she can. We actually talked about all the iterations...stay married but live separately (we actually know some couples who have done this)...get divorced but stay living together...stay married but have an open relationship (...and some who have done this too)...and where are we now? She wants to get divorced but still be friends with benefits, have family time, etc.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Sometimes one just has to shake their head. It's unfortunate the way things work. I'm afraid I'll never truly get out of the woods. Sigh.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
