Thank you Cristy.. I will most likely be calling this week for a session..
As for the NC, how does everyone do this when you have children involved?? We have pretty much been down to only having conversations about the kids as she did not want to talk normal or about us before..
I see the kids daily during the week on her week as I pick them up from school each day so there is a daily interaction with her on her week but not mine. We call the kids each night as well.. We are still friend on FB also, however I have noticed that she has already deleted her marriage status and is slowly erasing history of us by deleting pictures of our wedding and other events of us together a bit at a time.. I'm obsessing over that too and its unhealthy but its still a view into her life and possibly what is going on with her but she has never been one to post a lot on fb.. I feel that if I unfriend her or block her I will lose ability to see pictures of our kids that she might post.. but she never has been one to post a lot of those either so maybe I wont..
I have been very amicable throughout this entire process and have not blown up about the EA/PA like I probably should have and the fact that I am still trying to hold on I feel she is using to her advantage.. she sees that I'm still around and it doesn't phase her..
Will removing myself from her FB and trying to be as NC as possible potentially make her see that I am moving on and she now has lost something? Or will it just give her relief...
...and the fact that I am still trying to hold on I feel she is using to her advantage.. she sees that I'm still around and it doesn't phase her..
Will removing myself from her FB and trying to be as NC as possible potentially make her see that I am moving on and she now has lost something? Or will it just give her relief...
Im_Here,
You're pursuing so she's distancing. You can't make her do anything; you need to move on for yourself, not so she'll see that you're moving on.
I had six sessions with a DB coach and there was one session that really changed my mindset. The DB coach was telling me to get out and GAL, but I told him that I really didn't have the time for GAL. Then, he said, "Your wife is going to divorce you, soon you'll have plenty of time." He said that in a very matter-of-fact manner. That one statement really helped clear my fog.
You have to understand, for now your wife is gone. Wake up and smell the coffee. Stop living for her and get your ducks in a row so that you can live for yourself. The sooner you do that, the sooner you'll be on the path to better things, with or without her.
...and the fact that I am still trying to hold on I feel she is using to her advantage.. she sees that I'm still around and it doesn't phase her..
Will removing myself from her FB and trying to be as NC as possible potentially make her see that I am moving on and she now has lost something? Or will it just give her relief...
Im_Here,
You're pursuing so she's distancing. You can't make her do anything; you need to move on for yourself, not so she'll see that you're moving on.
I had six sessions with a DB coach and there was one session that really changed my mindset. The DB coach was telling me to get out and GAL, but I told him that I really didn't have the time for GAL. Then, he said, "Your wife is going to divorce you, soon you'll have plenty of time." He said that in a very matter-of-fact manner. That one statement really helped clear my fog.
You have to understand, for now your wife is gone. Wake up and smell the coffee. Stop living for her and get your ducks in a row so that you can live for yourself. The sooner you do that, the sooner you'll be on the path to better things, with or without her.
Doodler, I can see that I'm still not doing it for myself.. fully, however I am going out and GAL.. with friends and family and in my own house. However, I am still obsessing from time to time over what she is doing.. but I'm not sure how I am pursuing though as she has already moved out, we don't talk unless its about the kids or something legal that she has done out of the blue.. I haven't done anything else to essentially pursue her other than still be somewhat available to her..
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Thank you Cristy.. I will most likely be calling this week for a session..
Definitely do! Its been very helpful for me. Good use of the money. I originally purchased 6 sessions, but have since bought more just to have for future use.
Originally Posted By: Im_Here
We are still friend on FB also, however I have noticed that she has already deleted her marriage status and is slowly erasing history of us by deleting pictures of our wedding and other events of us together a bit at a time.. I'm obsessing over that too and its unhealthy but its still a view into her life and possibly what is going on with her but she has never been one to post a lot on fb.. I feel that if I unfriend her or block her I will lose ability to see pictures of our kids that she might post.. but she never has been one to post a lot of those either so maybe I wont..
Will removing myself from her FB and trying to be as NC as possible potentially make her see that I am moving on and she now has lost something? Or will it just give her relief...
Unfriending would probably come across as punitive, which you should stay away from.
Since you are having troubles detaching, I would recommend "unfollowing" her so that you remain friends, but don't see any of her posts. It will hurt to not see pics of your kids, but its probably necessary.
This whole thing is super tough and not easy. We didn't ask for it, but how we react is unbelievably important.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
If you have a phone, you'll have no shortage of pictures of your children.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
If you have a phone, you'll have no shortage of pictures of your children.
This is very true. I was always the one behind the camera in our M.. so majority of the pictures were always the kids or the kids and her.. I won't have a shortage of time and memories with my kids when they are with me. I guess I may be overthinking missing things as I will miss them either way whether I see them or not..
Doodler, I think I get what you are saying though.. I've always been the type of person who cares about what others think of me.. and that has always affected me.. Moreso now than ever. I need to stop thinking about what she will think with my actions as she has already made her mind up and is gone.. I need to act for myself and live my life how I want to. If she comes around later and wants to be apart of that life than ok, but if not then I have to be ok with that..
Thank you Cristy.. I will most likely be calling this week for a session..
Hello Im_Here,
Sounds good! I'm looking forward to speaking with you.
Originally Posted By: Im_Here
Will removing myself from her FB and trying to be as NC as possible potentially make her see that I am moving on and she now has lost something? Or will it just give her relief...
Another option would be to "hide" her posts of FB. That way you have not "unfriended" her and she can see your posts. Do whatever you want based on your feelings and needs. Don't do it to get a reaction from her.
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
