Thanks Gordie...anything to keep our spirits up and our minds clear of all of the confusion that our MLC'er tries to give us.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Gut wrenching...got a call from close friend that was told the W is questioning people at our kids school whether they'd heard rumors about our impending D. Also asked if they'd heard the untrue rumor about her having an affair. Saying that she wished I'd move on so she can start dating people. She's only been out of the house a couple of months and we aren't even divorced. I guess she's already moved on herself, but claims she doesn't want to do anything wrong...right...I mean she can't date while married can she? Haha. She's trying to cover all of her bases.
Should I confront her about the things going around or just let them lie?
It's just hard wanting to stand for your M and hearing that they are done with you.
I'm trying to let go and let God, but some days are easier than others.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Cali...I know, I know, I know. It is just frustrating that she is blaming people for spreading rumors and here it is that she is the one doing all of the talking. The latest one involved her wanting me to move on so she can date and that she and I had not even kissed in 15 years. This is a total lie and re-fabrication of our history. It is just a ride on the crazy train.
I have been reading on prodigal spouses lately and it is crazy how many people every year leave good marriages for the fantasy of what might be out there.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Sounds to me like she is trying to save face but is actually only stirring the pot. Leave her to it.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
It's funny how she had accused me months ago about spreading rumors...I was not doing it, but I was talking with two of my close male friends and also still speaking with her sister. At that point I had told her that I would not discuss our sitch with anyone...period. From that point on if I was asked a question about what was going on my answer would be a simple one..."Please pray for my entire family".
Since then, the rumors are still swirling around, and come to find out, she's the one doing the talking. Justifying might me a good way of saying it...saving face.
We are both from broken homes and it seems she is totally living out exactly what her mother did to her father when my W was 11/12 years old. (ILYBINILWYAM/need more passion/can't give you what you deserve/can never be intimate with you again/our kids will be ok...we are)
I feel like I'm in some bad Lifetime movie.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Yep you have entered into the "Re-Written History" phase. Again common with the MLCrs as they continue to discover/fabricate reasons why leaving is the only option. Mine did'nt love me for 2, then 4 then 10 years, she also was crying during the ceremony not because she was emotional it was because she knew it was the biggest mistake she would ever make.
The repeating history thing I also experienced, I am certain MIL went through it, looks like 2 BIL and the SIL also have. Thing for you to keep in the back of your mind is you must be the rock for your kids, do what you can to put them at ease and reassure them in a loving way to try to break this cycle. That is my focus at present, I would not want my son going through a MLC because of this, so I help him try to face issues and teach him how to handle things when it gets hard .. and it will get hard.
I feel like she and I are speeding towards a cliff and we cannot stop.
Maybe some perspective...
What will actually be different in your life if you were divorced right now?
Sometimes when youre going along, you may see a huge drop, but when you get there, its really quite shallow. I find that you cant really see whats on the other side of a hill until you get to the top.
Cali...it seems like a curse of divorce...we will be the third generation divorced in each of our families. I'm worried about MLC for my kids, but also that they see...oh well, things are tough, let's just get out of this M and start with someone else. That is just the wrong way. M is a commitment for life or else it is meant to be.
Kaizen...you are correct. D is just a piece of paper and since she is already out of the house nothing else will change for me. For her, it will give her the ok to start dating OM openly and for it to be "legal". It is funny how she preaches moral clarity on all fronts to our kids, but that whole M sacrament doesn't mean anything. Sorry that is just my bitter sarcasm talking.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
I have that same concern, her parents are still married ... but old school Catholics so its a bit different, her mother did leave her father for a couple years just prior to MLC hitting ... ironically she chastised her mom for her actions. My parents were married up till the death did my father part happened.
I do struggle with my son having a negative view on marriage, love, and all that comes with it. We have been dealing with this MLC for almost half his life to this point so that part causes me concern, all I can do is be the best father possible and put my full faith in God this is all for a reason.
