I do feel financially trapped jelly. I am unhappy with my living arrangement. And I don't feel like there is a way out.
I cannot move to an affordable area unless STBX moves. And even if I could, I would need help with babysitting. With The amount of sick days and vacation days and half days needed, I would have been fired a long time ago if it weren't for my parents.
My son needs lots of services. And that has to be a priority. I need free babysitting while I work and I get that here. But I am really unhappy and my parents are not living the retired life that they wanted either so there is tension.
I don't foresee any realistic way out. And I do feel stuck in a perpetual limbo.
I know others have it worse. I really feel that having my own place would improve my life by 100% though.
Most of the time when I get upset with my ex, it's because of my living situation now. It is not because he ended things, things haven't really changed since he was never around anyway. ITs because right or wrong I blame him for my circumstances...not having a place of our own to live.
Juju...I am way behind on posts on here, but it sounds like your son got an autism diagnosis? As you know, I too have a child with autism, and have been through the whole gamut of diagnosis, early intervention, therapy, IEPs, and friends and family who did/do not understand. If you have any questions or just want to bounce thoughts of someone else who's been there, feel free to reach out!
Thanks Anna. I will do so. The diagnosis really didn't come as a surprise to me. He fits to a T the classic kid with Aspergers (based on the old term) and now with the diagnosis, I have direction and more access to help. He is an awesome kid and I just want to help him manage the aspects of this that make life difficult (sensory and adhd and socialization). My biggest fear is him getting picked on and isolated and manipulated by the other kids as he gets older.
(My fears and my what if are horrible and I have to stop!!!)
I do feel financially trapped jelly. I am unhappy with my living arrangement. And I don't feel like there is a way out.
I cannot move to an affordable area unless STBX moves. And even if I could, I would need help with babysitting. With The amount of sick days and vacation days and half days needed, I would have been fired a long time ago if it weren't for my parents.
My son needs lots of services. And that has to be a priority. I need free babysitting while I work and I get that here. But I am really unhappy and my parents are not living the retired life that they wanted either so there is tension.
I don't foresee any realistic way out. And I do feel stuck in a perpetual limbo.
I know others have it worse. I really feel that having my own place would improve my life by 100% though.
Most of the time when I get upset with my ex, it's because of my living situation now. It is not because he ended things, things haven't really changed since he was never around anyway. ITs because right or wrong I blame him for my circumstances...not having a place of our own to live.
Makes sense J. I mean, you partnered up with the understanding you'd have a permanent relationship and build a life together that would include a reasonable lifestyle. By breaking his vows he not only removed the husband from your life, but the quality of life he committed to developing with you as well. You are quite literally in financial duress with limited options and not much chance this will change anytime soon.
This is part of the world not working the way I wish it did. Part of expectations getting in the way. In the end, none of us are entitled to have our own place to live. It's been ingrained into us by sitcoms and prior generations when the economy wasn't as easy, but that's not reality. Reality is there are a lot of people in difficult situations in our country and around the world. It stinks.
I struggle with that. I also am still saddened by the loss I'm facing with how I thought marriage would work, and what I thought I'd have in my life.
The bad news is that your situation probably isn't going to change anytime soon. You made a commitment to raise your children and you're doing what you have to to honor that commitment and put them first. If that means you live with parents and manage special needs, well, that's what you do because that's what you control. It would be nice if the entire world operated that way, but you can't change the world. You can change the entire world for your son, so that's what you can do. And I'm proud of you for that.
The good news is that there is plenty of space between. Just make sure to keep enjoying it. OK to vent about your problems a bit, we understand totally. But as you start to enjoy your space more and more, you might find the anger will naturally fade away little by little. In fact, your resentment could almost be a sign that you need to improve your appreciation skills, because the two emotions have a hard time coexisting. (Anger started sexting with other people, Appreciation made it clear it wouldn't remain in an open marriage, Anger gave the ILYBINILWY, etc, etc, now they live in different states)
Glad you're still posting J.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I hear you when you say that it isn't the life you expected nor for your parents. Firstly have you spoken to them about it. If you haven't maybe it could be that you are just assuming things. I'm guilty of this a lot.
Secondly have looked around to see what help you can get for you and your son. I used to see problems with every situation I was in, but now I realised that at times things are out of our control. This is where we can change: we either see it as their is nothing we can do and be miserable or we can see that it is not an ok situation but what can I do about it. Now I'm choosing option 2.
JujuB our situation might not be the same but WE are very similar with our doubts, feelings and fears. Sometimes we need a third perspective, and I can see that you are poisoning yourself. This is a vicious circle that we need to break as more negative thoughts will only bring more negative ones. Even if it's hard (I know how hard it is believe me) you need to start by baby step. One day at a time tell to yourself something nice. Your brain will fight it and you won't be convinced by it but repeat it to yourself during the day, and the next and the next. Each day it will be easier. Unfortunately we have been programmed by negativity and our brain can't deal with positivity. This is an internal fight that we have to win JujuB and I know you can do it.
I'm here all the way with you. So tell me what would your nice thing to say to you be?
