So I'm still here, I think you all know my story. Generally I'm just trying to get on. I don't have much contact with wh, he has a morning in the week he generally sees a for a couple hours. During which he usually grunts a hello at me, and that is that.
Some days I feel like I'm going to be okay, and have accepted my m is over. Other days, like today things just seem a little harder. It's not helped by the fact I'm heavily pregnant, having a number of health conditions (mainly stress induced or overdoing things) , and labour could realistically be any day. The memories when at the hospital flood back of when we were happy and had S. And seeing happy couples, excited at the soon to be arrivals, and being sat there on my own like some knocked up teen can be a hard pill to swallow sometimes. He has told me he probably won't be at the birth, I told him I have a plan if he isn't going to be there. I also told him that if he isn't capable of supporting me- I don't want him there. He came out with the usual spew before he left of how he would support me in the pregnancy and he didn't (I didn't hold much expectations on that).
He is still clearly in this fog, with no idea of how his actions affect others- he still has a "woe is me" attitude. The thing I struggle with the most is s, he wakes in the night and sits by the spare room wh slept in, and calls out for him. He frequently acts out when he's been asking for wh. And as a mother, I can't help but take the guilt, my m didn't work and now S is suffering because of this.
I know a lot of how I feel will be raging hormones, severe sleep deprivation, the fact I'm single handily parenting and working still to provide for us. Oh, and then there's the general aches and pains that come along with late pregnancy.
I feel a lot of confusion between hating the person he is, and missing and still loving the one he was.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
The memories when at the hospital flood back of when we were happy
I can totally relate. One of the things I don't know how to stop are the memories. I guess they will always be there.
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I feel a lot of confusion between hating the person he is, and missing and still loving the one he was.
I know. I think we all do that on some level. Some more than others. I know I still do, but I try to compartmentalize it.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Good to hear from you again. I wanted to let you know that I'v been keeping my promise and praying for you and your family regularly.
We all can't wait to welcome "baby Cherry".
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
Thanks guys for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers, it means a lot. I guess in time the pain of some memories will start to fade, and they will just be memories of a person we used to know. A wayward still never ceases to amaze me at how utterly closed off they can be towards anything that doesn't concern themselves. Especially a parent who can walk away from their child while they "figure themselves out".
I have noted that he only refers to having one child, he never acknowledges that there's another way or even that I'm pregnant. I know ultimately this will be his loss, but I can't help feel for a child whose father acts like they aren't wanted.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I am gobsmacked how your WH is re-enacting his own childhood and is utterly blind to it. He was abandoned by his father and now he does the same to Cherry-baby. When your WH is around do you plaster on a confident smil
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
I am gobsmacked how your WH is re-enacting his own childhood and is utterly blind to it. He was abandoned by his father and now he does the same to Cherry-baby. When your WH is around do you plaster on a confident smile and keep things upbeat? I want you to be an Oscar winner and make this guy see only the most confident and radiant Cherry. He is on a journey that has nothing to do with you. It's okay to be angry and bitter about his actions towards your kids but don't let it color your view overall.
I am in the tentative stages of early piecing and still miss the man I met versus this self centered pod person that lookks like my husband. I totally get the weird juxtaposition of the love/hate feelings. There is still hope that your WH will get his head out of his butt. Do you have a coach?
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Cherry my sweet! I haven't posted on your thread for a while but I will always remember your kindness when I was in a very dark place. You are a strong, loving person.
Remember too - if you ever come to Canada I have first dibs on baby-sitting!
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Sara, I actually feel as if there is no hope, he is so deep in this fog, his only priority and focus is himself. I usually am quite confident and happy (although he blanks me), but after 3 hours sleep and aches and pains I let some frustration out on him. I haven't spoken to a coach or even an ic for a little while- I've had so much on, finding time for me is difficult. I know I should find the time.
Thank you Andrew, it means a lot to me that my gesture meant so much to you. I would love a Canada trip! I have family in Ontario but I've never actually been
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I second the visit to Ontario/Toronto. We'll roll out the red carpet.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
The guilt for S crying out for him is totally understandable. It please don't. It is not you took the actions he took. He took action. Only he is responsible. Focus on giving your S sufficient love and attention at times when he might be missing your WH - keep him occupied. Keep him close. I felt horrified with some of the concerns my children told me (scared we would split, scared that M may shout, missing mummy etc). They genuinely have fewer of these concerns now and are really quite robust as they are loved and kept occupied and entertained. It's just love and attention. Your S will get a new rhythm and will stop sitting outside WH room. It's so sad that you have to do these things. If it's essential that you do IMHO. My kids wil look back and remember the soothing words and the caring Dad. The man that said it's okay to feel sad and we will all be happier again. The man that took them places to keep them occupied. The man that tickled them until they laughed. Just focus on that part of you, you are doing fine. You WH was broken FOO stuff. Not you. You could never and can never fix him. He has to do it. Remember that. Keep working on you Cherry. You are a ledendary parson and mummy. Don't you forget that.
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
