Not sure where I am so no title!

[Coly23]

Hey Altair, hope you had a good trip home? I chuckled at your comment about getting bsck to your side of the bed! I too still sleep on my side although I have taken H's pillows and replaced them with cushions!

Well done on not contacting H. If my memory serves me well he suggested dinner, is that right? If so then yes, wait for him to contact you. I think I need to go back to using my rubber band too!

Hey AP! Your right my expectayptions are sky high at the moment. I'm also failing on the ' beginners mind' from DR. I keep comparing how he was when we first started dating and it's obviously not the same now.

So to cooking rice. I too hate cooking rice but only because I end up cooking way too much and I'm far too impatient (no way I hear you say!) to wait for it to cook. I absolutely love the microwave rice pouches! Two minutes is all it takes. If you have it in your shops try one, you will never go back to boiling rice again!

Journaling: I've got my four sisters coming over tonight for dinner. Can't wait! I'm cooking up a chilli with rice and soft tacos. I even made an orange curd yesterday. Like lemon curd but with Seville oranges. Never done that in my life but it was so easy. I'm going to make a merangue nest and fill it with whipped cream mixed with the orange curd and pop some chunks of chocolate cake into it.

So I've started to take on board the advice that you have all given which is to wait for H to come to me and not keep setting things up. He seems to have invited himself to D's parent's evening which has annoyed me slightly but I won't say anything as I don't want to confuse things. He said he is committed to working on things so now I will leave him to do that at his own pace as he said I am pushing him and trying to control things as usual. Is that the right thing to do? I'm such a planner so this is a 180 for me. I feel the need to draw up a Gant chart with milestones!

Happy weekend everyone!

[pinn]

So I've started to take on board the advice that you have all given which is to wait for H to come to me and not keep setting things up. He seems to have invited himself to D's parent's evening which has annoyed me slightly but I won't say anything as I don't want to confuse things. He said he is committed to working on things so now I will leave him to do that at his own pace as he said I am pushing him and trying to control things as usual. Is that the right thing to do? I'm such a planner so this is a 180 for me.

Hey Coly, Yes I think it is the right thing to do! You need to stop pushing for the sake of your marriage. Try and stick with this 180 for a month or two and see what happens. Have a good weekend!

[Coly23]

Hey Pinn, thanks for dropping by. How are you?

I know I need to back off but it's so hard and I think it's my confidence that stops me. He did say that I should think of the worst case scenario in that he won't ever be back which upset me quite a bit. Why agree to commit and then throw that in! It's so negative but I guess that's par for the course!

Have a great weekend!

[Rose888]

Hey Pinn, thanks for dropping by. How are you?

I know I need to back off but it's so hard and I think it's my confidence that stops me. He did say that I should think of the worst case scenario in that he won't ever be back which upset me quite a bit. Why agree to commit and then throw that in! It's so negative but I guess that's par for the course!

Have a great weekend!

He might not want to lead you on. I heard something similar ("I might end up leaving.")

You are hurting your chances. He's conflicted and unsure. He's trying to explore reconciliation, but when he makes steps towards you, you assume he's decided, and then you get frustrated when he takes a pause or even takes a step back.

Let him spend time with you when he wants to and not when he doesn't. Don't assume he's made a decision. Decisions are rarely improved by being rushed or forced.

I see a lot of potential in your situation but you have got to give him space.

Enjoy your night with your sisters! What else do you have going for GAL?

[pinn]

I know I need to back off but it's so hard and I think it's my confidence that stops me.

Hey Col,

I think this is important. You need to develop that confidence independent of your H. I know it is hard! As you know, I have been down a similar path though I didn't pursue quiet as hard as you but I made mistakes here and there. Try to develop that confidence.

If you are interested in some entertaining drama (entertaining to an outsider, def not for me!), go look at the last few pages of my thread. Things got a bit crazy last weekend!

[Coly23]

Rose, thanks for dropping by. It's amazing what others can see that you can't when you are in the thick of it! Yes, I see that's exactly what is happening because of my imaptience and frustration. I guess I just feel so hurt all the time that when I get even the smallest crumb I think I have the whole loaf! It's my pesky expectations again!!

Hey Pinn, I'm working hard on building my confidence in all parts of my life and I see I am improving in that area in my career it's just my personal life that lacks it. I've had a read up if your sitch and wow I can't believe the felon is back causing trouble! I bet your W is kicking herself for getting involved with him!

Journaling - Saturday night my my sisters was fantastic! We had far too much to eat and drink and I didn't get to bed until 2.00am! I realise that without my H i still have so many people who love me and want to spend time with me even if he doesn't.

I've started to think of freshening up the house ready for the spring. Maybe freshen up the paintwork and make if a space for me and D with a few girly things as I always avoided buying anything too feminine as I didn't think it would be fare on H.

I can't believe it's going to Monday already!!

[ForGump]

Coly, catching up after being absent from your thread for a while (I don't hang out in the MLC neighborhood, at least til now)...

But wow look at you! Your H is coming over twice a week? Whoa!!!

But also tsk tsk on rice. Come on, it's the easiest thing to cook! Throw water & rice together and wait 20 minutes!

[Rose888]

So glad you had a good time on Sat!

I think freshening up the house is a great idea.

[Coly23]

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Gump, great to hear from you! Twenty minutes as opposed to two minutes in the microwave! Come on, you know I have noooo patience at all!!

Journaling: so things seem to be going okay with H. He is coming over consistently twice a week and in between that I am not contacting him unless he contacts me first which he is doing now. I realise I can be quite controlling and it's my insecurity and lack of confidence which makes me feel that way but I'm working on those areas. I've also learned my lesson that pushing him to do what I want only makes him angry so that's when I get the 'I'm not coming back' speech.

The only trouble though is for some reason, before he comes over, I start to get very anxious, sometimes angry as well. I can feel myself spiralling into a ball of emotions but when he is here all those bad emotions go away and I usually have a nice time. I'm also getting used to him going back to his flat at the end of the night and I don't have that panicky feeling anymore although I'd love for him to stay....

As for GAL. I'm working out like mad at the moment. Not only do I go to the gym three times a week I am doing an exercise DVD at home three times a week too. It's helping me to sleep and eat better and I don't find myself sitting around in the evening ruminating because I don't have time to. D even said I look fab and is very jealous of my figure at the moment!

IDK, what is going go happen with me and H. Myself and D are making our home as comfortable as possible and making his time with us enjoyable. I'm hoping that he will miss us when he goes back to his flat but I realise that he is still not himself so it may be some time. But I know I am luckier than most on here in that I can have a good relationship with H even though it's not the type I want.

I know I've got to move my focus on to my D for the next few months as she has important exams coming up. It will be interesting to see if he makes more of an effort when I pull back a bit... Patience, patience....

[pinn]

Great post Coly... keep it up!