Moving on to the next phase

[Coly23]

Hey Pax, seasons greetings! I hope your Christmas Day went well. Wow 35 people in one house! That must be a very big house!!

I know what you mean about being in a crowded room but feeling very alone and this for me is more significant when I am with family. It must also be hard to see that everyone has moved on from your H but all they see is the hurt that he has caused you so they are happy to let him go.

I dreaded Christmas Day but now I've got through it, it wasn't so bad. I think the whole one day at a time is a good mantra for us to have and I'm only just getting the hang of it!

Stay strong (((Pax)).

[Pax_luv]

Hello! Hope everyone is having a good week. I'm so ready to say adios to 2016!

I woke up the day after Christmas feeling much better. I was a little more balanced. Yesterday, I was back to my old self and was happy as a clam! One thing about all the mindfulness training I've done is I've become hyper aware of my shift in emotions. Now, i just have to get better at regulating them (i.e. The sadness).

Since I was feeling much better, I got unrealistic expectations up in terms of stbxh. I thought, it's been an entire month without a peep, maybe he's cooled off a bit? Maybe the holidays softened him a bit? Maybe he'll reach out and let me see my dog?

That's a big fat NOPE! Got another nasty email from him to my L. Again..... How he's doing everything and I haven't done my part. I didn't do a good enough job getting the documents he wanted and he worked harder than me. Gah- grow up!!!!

The saga continues.

PS- Booked myself a 90 minute massage for Friday. The goal is to leave all the knots and stress in 2016. I can't wait!!!! (Hopefully it will help my twitches go away, too!)

[Huddy]

Yeah, 2015 & 2016 can go and whistle! Let's hope 2017 is much, much better!

[Rouky]

Hi Pax, sorry to hear that Xmas wasn't that easy. I know too well the feeling. Unfortunately now I guess you really seeing your H's true colours. I can only imagine how hard it can be but stick to your guns. Regardless of what he says you have brought your fair share in your marriage, you know the truth so does he. Even if it's hard for the moment, few years down the line you will hold your head high, I'm not so sure about your H.

[Esame]

I hope your massage was amazing and it really helped you leave the knits and stress behind. Have a wonderful new year!

[Pax_luv]

Hey everyone! 2017! We made it through another NYE! Wishing a happy, healthy, and peaceful year for all of you.

I partied the last two nights in a row. This is very unlike me. Kind of feel like a sloppy teenager seeing is how I've had a hangover for the last 36 hours. Im always safe... Just letting loose a little . I did go out last night; had a date with me. Had the midnight kiss. It was a-ok. It was the first New Years in 2 years that I didn't spend sobbing over stbxh. I feel ok with my decision to do that.

Now I need to get back on track. I've indulged far too much this holiday season and am feeling it!

So.... Who knows where 2017 is going to take me? My 60 day gym challenge starts soon. I'm looking forward to the rigidity and focus that it will take. Also, as part of the community leadership program that I'm a part of, I will be donating my time to work on a special project with a local non-profit for the next 5 months. Im excited about that... But am a little nervous that I may be stretching myself thin! I have a lot of commitments!

I'll continue to walk on the path and just take things a day at a time. Next week the D process will start ramping up again. I know it will dig at me a bit, but I'll mush through.

Onwards, friends... Here's to making 2017 the best year yet!

[HaWho]

Good for you going out there and having some well deserved fun!

I know good things are coming your way in 2017. I am sending you positive karma!

[Pax_luv]

Hey HaWho! Thanks for the good karma wishes!

I'm coming here today to just let some things out. I have this anxiety in my chest again over stbx. It's ridiculously annoying because I'm trying everything to move through it but it's wont subside!!!!

I started ruminating over stbx yesterday and I think it's carried over to today and it's become a bit consuming.

For one, I found out yesterday that his friend recently got married. Marriage #4 for him. Stbx did not like this guys girlfriend (now wife). They started dating at the end of our relationship. H didn't like hanging with this guy anymore because all he did was complain about his gf. According to h, his friend was miserable and was never going to get married again. The guy kept trying to find ways to break up with her. And now they're married.

What got me spinning a bit was the following-
1) I would die if h got remarried now or in the near future. But hey, these things happen and there's nothing I can do about it.
2) marriage and relationships aren't perfect. I don't know if this guy got married for the right reasons (clearly he gets married a lot), but again, My jealousy kicked in because people make it work. We didn't make it work, but I sure did try on my own and I'll always feel a bit jilted for not ever having the opportunity to try together.

On an unrelated note, I was also recalling a convo that h and I had as he shared the d paperwork with me. He brought up the fact that one of our mutual friends now agrees that we shouldn't be together. This is old news now, but who was he trying to convince and why? Over a year later and the guy is now in agreement?? Was he not before? Was h still talking about it/us??

Also, when we were speaking, I was baffled by some of the things he would share with me and I could see how much he "liked" drama in his life. Our drama definitely kept him on a high as he moved into his new life. I had to think about this drama because there have been a lot of pics of him on FB out and about with another friend he was trying to get rid of before our split and his young boy toy. I wonder if he's found peace with those friendships or if he's just resigned to them.

So.... Then I had a very realistic intimate dream about him last night and this is all enough to pull me back to square one. Guh.... What the heck?

So there ya have it. I hate sharing my nonsense here because there's no relevance to my actual life here and now, but I thank you for reading and for your sincere comments, always. Wishing you all another fab day. Xoxo.

[bttrfly]

honey if not sharing here than what? keeping it all festering inside?

all i know is that this is a process. not a quick process either.

some days are great, others I feel like i'm still free falling without a parachute from the airplane wasband threw me out of on BD ... it's the nature of this beast, I think.

let it out, keep breathing, be gentle with yourself.
xoxoxoxo
sending {{{{{hugs}}}}}

[Sotto]

Hi Pax, I think we need to revisit things sometimes in order to move forwards. The main thing is not to get stuck there. Whenever I feel that happening, I press the forward button again and move ahead with something in my life..

Just on ruminating....I understand that one for sure. But do remember that your thoughts are just that - thoughts. And thoughts are not reality, just thoughts that come and go. It's important not to 'buy in' to them. I found Guy Winch's TED talk on emotional first aid really helpful in this area.

Take care Pax & happy new year!! Xx