I tookk my ring off when WH broke NC with OW, this was about 3 weeks before our baby was due. It's in the ashtray of the family van and there it has stayed. If we D I'll likely pawn it. If we reconcile then I will ask for a new ring as I feel our old M is dead and it also triggers me to know I was wearing it when he cheated on me.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
I took mine off in January which was a few months after I found out about his affair. He continued to wear his until August. I did ask him if I could have his ring and he said he wanted to keep it because it reminded him of what used to be. Last I knew he was keeping it in his bathroom by his toiletries in a place where he could see it everyday. Not sure why that is?
I love my ring(s) it's beautiful, and I didn't want to take it off, but it didn't have the same meaning anymore.
I took mine off a week after I found out about the affair and found out she went out with the guy again. It no longer symbolized a marriage for me so it went away. The wife had taken hers off long before and when I noticed I talked to her about it and said things like oh you single now, etc. She put it back on for awhile and then took it off again when I found out about the affair.
Me:39 WW: 39 Kids: 11,8,4 Married: 15 years Together 17 years PA discovered November 2016 Separated living in same house - ended 1/2017 Separated, kids in house, taking turns staying in house
I think the time for me to take off my ring may be coming up fairly soon. There's a part of me that says the right time to take it off has already passed. But there's another part -- especially when I look at my kids -- that says it's not time yet.
I thought I was doing OK, then early this morning I had the most awful dream, one where my W was openly in a PA. The pain of that condense in my gut just below the sternum, opened a blackhole, and it woke me up and I could not go back to sleep.
This is all horrific and, today, I cannot imagine a way out.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
There is no right or wrong time to take your ring off, and no one else's situation is comparable to yours. You wear it or not based on what it represents for YOU and you only.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I think the time for me to take off my ring may be coming up fairly soon. There's a part of me that says the right time to take it off has already passed. But there's another part -- especially when I look at my kids -- that says it's not time yet.
I thought I was doing OK, then early this morning I had the most awful dream, one where my W was openly in a PA. The pain of that condense in my gut just below the sternum, opened a blackhole, and it woke me up and I could not go back to sleep.
This is all horrific and, today, I cannot imagine a way out.
ForGump - My old friend. I've not posted on your thread for a while. I've not known what to say.
I had to endure an in-house separation for about 3 months with my W openly flaunting her affair for a large part of it. I know the feeling you had well. Even though there is no obvious OM the daily pain of your W being around I am sure is difficult to cope with.
The only way "out" is forward. Not a helpful statement at all but you are a very thoughtful person so it will give you something to think about. The direction of "forward" isn't always obvious - it may well be a path that goes back through your own soul on a journey of rediscovery first. I don't know what happened in your situation a while ago that was a major shift for you - and you don't seem to want to talk about it so I won't pry. If you do though, you have good friends here who will listen.
Look after yourself, your children and your other priorities. You WILL get through this.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
So I finally took mine off a month ago... after 7 months of sep. W this week started talking about the R and asked me when I took it off... not saying this was a trigger and could be pure coincidence, but interesting nonetheless.
Me: 40 W: 45 T: 13, M: 11 1 D: 9
Suspect A 6/15 ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16 EA/PA Discovered 3/16 EA admitted 3/16 W Moved out 4/16 W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
I watched Gladiator and there are a plethora of one-liners that carry good philosophy. One of my favorites are, "Some days I do what I want to do, most days I do what I have to do." The more macho one I've seen posted here is, "Strength and honor."
Keep both in mind and you will find more often you are ok than spinning.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
The gift of time ... will end at some point for me, and like it or not, prepared or not, I will have to go forward.
Gump,
I think about that gift of time thing and sometimes that abuse is just too much. You've endured plenty and I think it's better to take another route. As many say, you have to be unafraid to lose them. Hang in there man.
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
