Newbie Thread 6

[hawker]

I couldn't link my previous thread from my iPad, can you help me out Cadet?

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. I am in my hometown for a week visiting family and friends. My dad is doing good so that has brought me some comfort. I have stayed busy so it helps with not thinking about my stbxw as much.

She texted Merry Christmas on Christmas Day and I replied Merry Christmas. Then the day after she asked about my dad and she preceded to tell me she had a top 10 hangover. Apparently she got sick during the night....I'm sure SOW and her 5 year old enjoyed that lol. Anyhow that's about all the contact I have had with her this week.

I have had a good time with my friends and family and have a few more days until I return home. I hope everyone is hanging in there and keeping focus on themselves. :-)

[hawker]

So Stbxw texts today with the same lead in question "how is ur dad" and how is so and so (my Mom's friend who had a stroke). I told her my dad was doing great and the other lady was still the same. W wanted me to tell my mom she is sorry about her friend and that she is praying for her.

Then she asked about my friends here and if I had seen them. I said I was going out tonight. She told me 3 times to stay or use uber and to be safe. We talked about football and her back and her family. Obviously SOW was gone.

I just don't get why she cares, she filed for D. I know cake eating, keeping plan b, guilt?? I am to the point where it doesn't give me hope or sadness or any feeling really. I don't want to be friends and I have told her this....

Maybe now that my dad is getting better she won't ask. Idk. I probably should stick to DB and only reply as necessary but since she filed I didn't know whether to stay that course. Any thoughts? 2x4's? :-)

[PatientMan]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...101#Post2710101

-PM

[hawker]

Thanks PM

[fightin]

Hey hawker, I have a feeling even with your dad doing better she won't stop checking in, but that's just a hunch. I'm so glad to hear that he's doing better though; that is wonderful!

I imagine your W doesn't even know why she wants to keep in touch exactly. The only advice I have is just go with your gut. Do what you believe is in your own best interest. I've decided I'm not really qualified to help on here much since I have completely shut my STBXW out of my life and I am the one that filed. So, just do what hawker thinks she needs to do! I think as long as you're taking care of yourself you can't really go wrong.

Happy New Year!

[Coly23]

Hey Hawker, so glad your Dad is doing well.

No clues about your W. Sounds like she wants to keep you in her life. Don't respond to her texts if you feel she is keeping you in the friend zone. You are worth much more.

Wishing you love, health and happiness in 2017. X

[hawker]

Thanks ladies!!! It didn't really make me feel any certain way other than why are u texting me if since you filed. I think I need to quit with the chit chat and just keep to myself. It's better for me and I don't want to ease the guilt by being to friendly and I'm not plan B.

I hope everyone's 2017 is much better than 2016.....I know mine can't get much worse!!! Thanks everyone.

[NYGal]

Hawk, it looks to me like W is definitely cake eating with you squarely in the friend zone. She doesn't get to know about your Dad or your Mom's friend, or anyone. Especially not you. She's making herself feel better about what she has done to you. She wants you to be safe, when she has placed your emotional and physical health in such jeopardy? That's b.s.; she's trying to make herself feel less guilty. Go dark. GAL.

[hawker]

Yep, thanks for the reminder NYGal....I don't want to ease her guilt...

I have had a good week...went hiking, worked out everyday and got in a few rounds of golf with friends!! The weather has been awesome...don't wanna go back to work! LOL

So my W's mom and sister and nephew are in town for a few days...back at the beginning of the month she said maybe I can bring nephew to see dogs? I said maybe, I'll think about it....

She never asked again and I never brought it up because I didn't know if this was more cake eating...so, just left it....

Her sister and I still chat, she sent me a xmas card of her family, we texted back and forth about Christmas plans, etc.

Yesterday she texted saying that she really wanted to see me when she was her but she didn't want to piss off her sister....she said this trip isn't as fun as all the ones she has had in the past. I said I was sorry and that I am sure it might be a little weird for you guys. She said it was weird and awkward and she didn't want to come in the first place but my W was persistant.

It kind of made me feel good that she wasn't having fun staying with her sis and SOW....I told her she was always welcome to come over but I knew she wouldn't....crazy how this affects not just us but all of our families.......I can still see how W is still selfish putting her wants above her sister and mom, I'm sure she didn't think it would be awkward for them or she just didn't care...

I'm gonna volunteer tonight at the dog shelter and hang out with friends after....

Thanks for the advice everyone...

[lt0402]

Hey hawk, it sounds like things are going pretty well for you right now. That's always awesome to hear! Glad your dad is doing better too. That's got to be such a relief.

I'd agree w/ NYGal that your W is trying to alleviate her guilt. So long as you remain friendly/open to her, she really doesn't have to go down the path of being in the dark and re-evaluating what she's doing. I'm no expert, but it seems like discontinuing the texting may be the right call.

The collateral damage from our situations is not fun. I'm sorry you're unable to spend time w/ Ws sister. At least your Ws sister seems to see the situation for what it is.

Keep up what you're doing. You really do seem to be in a good place right now!