Focus on Me and the Boys 10

[dream]

Whew. I'm glad to read that you've stopped your plans to transfer to Toronto. I hope you're able to get a house and provide a more stable lifestyle for your boys. I don't understand one bit why your XW would refuse 50/50 custody. Please keep us in the loop as things progress.

[Phoebe]

I second what dream said - I'm also glad you've let the Toronto plan go.

Just wanted to stop by and say hello and wish you the best.

((((((((JimKao))))))))

[J5K]

Thank you everyone for the continued support. After L's spoke XW has agreed to the boys changing school districts. House rental is finalized and we move in on the 26th. Boys are excited, I showed them some pictures.

XW and I are now trying to schedule arbitration for assets.

Drove the boys to Toronto as they have a visit with their mom. Drive up was fun we had a blast! Posted a pic on FB and a lot of my friends commented on the pic as all 6 of us were smiling and happy.

Exchange went OK, XW sends me an email late last night with 5 questions. 2 are probably relevant that I owe a response. The remaining are based on things the kids told her. She is trying to show that I am not a "perfect" parent. I need to keep my answers short and sweet and not get sucked back into her criticism.

Going to spend the next couple of days visiting friends before we go back to spend the holidays with my family.

[PsySara]

I am greatly relieved to read you've put the brakes on the Toronto move. I think you are protecting your sons from a potentially abusive situation from you XW. I hope you have a wonderful holiday, Jim.

[J5K]

Well, I think we have finally finished with all the financial and asset things. We had arbitration today to finalize assets. We have until the end of January to remove everything from storage. Arbitrator also educated us on a couple of things for co-parenting/parallel parenting. One thing he did mention was exposure to new OMs/OWs, he stated the boys need time to adjust.

Yesterday S6 randomly told me it was OK for dad to have a new girlfriend. That surprised me. Not sure why he said it, but I just laughed and thanked him and told him I was happy spending time with him and his brothers.

I received the keys to the new house yesterday and took the boys to see it. They were very excited. It will be nice to get them back into a routine and have some room for them to run around. Movers are coming tomorrow and hopefully by the end of the week we will be settled in.

The boys visit with mom was good. They stayed in a hotel again for the 3rd time. They went to their grandparents for Christmas Eve lunch. Boys said they had chicken sandwiches and some veggies. XW did not even call them on Christmas Day to see if they were having fun. On the flip side, we had a blast spending time with my family. 10 grandkids and all the siblings were together.

Now that XW has agreed for the boys to change school districts they have an extra week of vacation. I am debating whether I should offer the week to XW. It will save me on daycare costs and give the boys a bit more time with their mom. I would also have the opportunity to organize the house and get a system back in place before they start school.

I know Georgia Bulldogs suggested I not give her any additional time, but I am already D'd and at this point since she is not working, it is bonus for the kids.

[PsySara]

While I do not have as many children as you, as a fellow owner of small humans, I recommend you offer the week to the x-wife. This gives you the time and space to organize the new place. Not only that but sometimes you just need a break from the high needs of multiple children.

[dream]

I would offer the time to my partner if I was in your shoes.

Do you guys have a first right of refusal clause in your agreement?

Hope all is going well with the move.

[mvgfwd2]

Offering the time is a 2 edged sword. Good for you to get some time to get things together. Bad because it is changing the expectations of the custody agreement and XW will demand more of these exceptions and guilt you about doing it this time.

"... well you gave them to me last year, why not this year?..." blah, blah, blah

[SH_]

Offering the time is a 2 edged sword. Good for you to get some time to get things together. Bad because it is changing the expectations of the custody agreement and XW will demand more of these exceptions and guilt you about doing it this time.

"... well you gave them to me last year, why not this year?..." blah, blah, blah

Agreed.

[PsySara]

Offering the time is a 2 edged sword. Good for you to get some time to get things together. Bad because it is changing the expectations of the custody agreement and XW will demand more of these exceptions and guilt you about doing it this time.

"... well you gave them to me last year, why not this year?..." blah, blah, blah

But he can simply say something along the lines of, "I know, I think it's wonderful the boys got to enjoy some extra time with you. But we are sticking to the plan in the meantime." This woman will find ANY reason to provoke an argument, Jim needs only to control his reactivity and not rise to the bait. He cannot live his life around this capricious woman's moods. He can give himself a bit of a holiday now though and catch up on some house stuff and relax.