Focus on Me and the Boys 10

[PsySara]

I agree with Andrew. But there is also the chance her parents are funding her lifestyle, or someone else completely. If so, then DETACH! Stop checking her social media, stop monitoring her, stop snooping. You are hurting yourself.

[J5K]

Hello everyone, well I have been extremely busy over the last 6 days. Met with the child psychologist several times to help her understand our situation with the boys and possibly be an avenue to communicate with XW to come to an agreement about co-parenting in the same city. I have also discussed things with my L again. I have done everything I could to be amicable with no progress in developing a plan that XW and I can agree to.

I had to make the decision yesterday to stop my transfer. I sent XW an email stating that the boys will be changing school districts and was notifying her of the situation. She is not agreeing to it, so this will have to go back to court to enforce.

Here is the email I sent XW:

Hello XW,

Since my offer of 50/50 custody and co-parenting in Toronto was not accepted, I have found a home in XYZ, MI and wanted to inform you the boys will be changing schools after the Christmas break and attending ABC Elementary.

If you have any questions, please advise by close of business 12/16/16.

XW then starts texting me:

XW: First of all you made no official offer of anything

XW: You told the boys they were moving to TO

XW: How can you now tell them they're not

XW: You're an awful person through and through

XW: When is their next therapy session?

XW: You never planned to move

ME: I offered up to 50 50 multiple times and there was no agreement or progress in our discussions.

XW: Your plan was to move to XYZ, MI

XW: You're lawyer has to write it out

XW: We can't discuss anything

XW: It has to be presented in WRITING

XW: multiple times you were told to put it writing

XW: Never did

ME: If you truly wanted to work this out then you would have had your lawyer write it out.

XW: That's ridiculous you're the one moving and wanting to change the agreement

XW: It's not up to me to present changes

XW: Whatever Jim

XW: Nothing will change

ME: Ok nothing is up to you. I attempted an amicable offer.

XW: You didn't present it in WRITING

XW: there's no offer unless it's written out

ME: XW if we cant verbally agree then there is nothing to present in writing.

XW: So many times we "talked" about stuff then nothing ever happened

ME: I do not trust you.

XW: We are not supposed to discuss anything because we're not able to talk amicable

XW: We had a mediator set up

XW: What happened ???

ME: No we did not have a mediator set up.

ME: I specifically asked if you would agree to file the agreement in Ontario also and you did not.

XW: You don't even know what the f*^@ you're talking about

XW: This is a Michigan matter

XW: There is nothing to file in Ontario

XW: Talk to your lawyer

XW: Please respond to my email immediately

ME: I am sorry you feel this way.

XW: This is now an issue for the lawyers to handle

ME: I just consulted with you. XYZ schools are better

XW: No you didn't

XW: You can't just do whatever you want

ME: So will you agree or not?

XW: We have joint legal custody

XW: You didn't even ask me or inform me of your move

ME: Please answer the question

XW: It's for the lawyers to handle

XW: No I don't have to answer immediately

ME: Well you have until COB tomorrow.

XW: You can forward your request and information on the school and I'll look it over

XW: No I don't

ME: Have a good night.

XW: From now on it's best you consult with your counsel to avoid these kinds of messes

ME: I have and I also reviewed the agreement. This will have to go in front of the judge then.

XW: Ok so be it

XW: You don't get to do whatever you want

XW: Whenever you want

XW: That's not how it works

XW: Good luck getting in front of the judge before the new year


Dealing with XW is like dealing with a toddler, I want I want I want or I will make your life difficult. She has stated several times in phone conversations that she expects me to fail due to the degradation of the boys behavior and schooling and that she will eventually get custody of the boys.

I can no longer accept this type of drama in my life. Over the last few days my feelings have changed considerably towards her. I do not know if I would even accept a request for reconciliation if she offered.

I am moving forward with getting the boys into a stable home and routine. Lots to do!

[Gordie]

XW as toddler teenager terrorist, ugh. She knows how to push all of your buttons. Do you need to text at all? Someone else on here suggested going to email only. It's slower and more deliberate and easier to keep in archives.

[J5K]

Gordie

All texts are documented and I have the entire history. Same as email.

Today was the final straw. XW calls and stated for the third time that she will file a motion at the end of the school year to take custody of the boys.

I do not ever want to take her back now no matter what she would offer. I am done.

[mvgfwd2]

I hope you realize that may have been her plan all along when you got to Toronto. She is devious, be careful. Keep demonstrating you are a competent and caring single dad and you will be fine. Document

[Painter]

Jim,

Reading your exchanges with XW, it does seem like a lot back and forth and I can understand her feelings of annoyance, although I don't agree with her behavior or the way she expresses herself.

I think it's a good idea to be cautious and stay in the US for now. I don't think she'll get anywhere with stopping you from moving within the state if it's to give the kids better opportunities and better schools and it doesn't add significantly to her travel to pick them up for visitation.

When did you decide to get a new house and change their schools? It seems like a lot of upheaval for them?

[sandi2]

IMHO, you have let your hopes of reconciling be the deciding factor since the day both of you left D court. As I recall, she immediately sent you a message, and you were posting here about R before the ink got dry on the D paper. If there was ever a case where love was blind.........it had to be with you. In spite of her terrible behavior, you would have R that night, if she would have agreed. I don't know if things will be better for you with letting go of hoping for a R, but somehow, I kind of think it will. I don't mean better with her.....but just better for you. I think you probably got her best years, before she wanted to adopt a housefull of children.

Jim, you are one of those DB members that everyone cares about......and like. I think every woman that has followed your threads admire you, and I'm sure the men respect how you have taken care of those five little boys, while having so much on your plate. I don't even know why I am rambling on with all of this, I just wanted to say how I wish we could help more. It means a lot that you take the time to keep us updated.

[J5K]

I hope you realize that may have been her plan all along when you got to Toronto. She is devious, be careful. Keep demonstrating you are a competent and caring single dad and you will be fine. Document

I do realize what her plan was. I led with my heart more than with my head and continued to be hopeful, even just as co-parents.

Reading your exchanges with XW, it does seem like a lot back and forth and I can understand her feelings of annoyance, although I don't agree with her behavior or the way she expresses herself.

Yes, it has been a lot of back and forth. My feelings and emotions had control of my actions. I guess I thought she would be reasonable in the move, it is clear she is still very angry and resentful towards me.

I think it's a good idea to be cautious and stay in the US for now. I don't think she'll get anywhere with stopping you from moving within the state if it's to give the kids better opportunities and better schools and it doesn't add significantly to her travel to pick them up for visitation.
When did you decide to get a new house and change their schools? It seems like a lot of upheaval for them?

I was looking at houses over the last 2 weeks. We are in this little apartment with no room for the boys to release their energy. We still have 85% of our things in storage. As much as I agree that there is a lot of upheaval, the boys are excited to move into a house and go to a school with their cousin. The school district is in the top 10 in the state. It is also a Leader in Me school also which is the same as the school they were in before we left the marital home. XW has no problem changing schools so the boys are in Canada, but has issues now, such a double standard.

IMHO, you have let your hopes of reconciling be the deciding factor since the day both of you left D court. As I recall, she immediately sent you a message, and you were posting here about R before the ink got dry on the D paper. If there was ever a case where love was blind.........it had to be with you. In spite of her terrible behavior, you would have R that night, if she would have agreed. I don't know if things will be better for you with letting go of hoping for a R, but somehow, I kind of think it will. I don't mean better with her.....but just better for you. I think you probably got her best years, before she wanted to adopt a housefull of children.

Sandi,

As I stated in one of my first few threads, I waited a long time for a good person. For a person who I thought was better than me. At the time she was, not sure if I did get her best years. I do feel the R and M was very one sided. I reflect back and see where I missed a lot of the signs of an unhealthy R.

Jim, you are one of those DB members that everyone cares about......and like. I think every woman that has followed your threads admire you, and I'm sure the men respect how you have taken care of those five little boys, while having so much on your plate. I don't even know why I am rambling on with all of this, I just wanted to say how I wish we could help more. It means a lot that you take the time to keep us updated.

Thank you for the compliment. I am very blessed to have the support of this community and will never forget all those that have knocked me upside the head with a 2x4 when needed, which was a lot! I have no doubt that every person here would have given up some of their time to help support me if they were physically present where I live.

I still have a long way to go with DB. Not because I want to reconcile with XW, not because I want to be a good co-parent. I need to continue down this path to be the best person I can for myself and the boys. If another woman or XW wants to be part of it, it is a bonus for the boys and me.

There is still much that needs to settle down between XW and I. Not sure how long that will take. I just know I will try and do my best to keep the drama at bay and ensure the boys live a healthy and happy life no matter where we live.

[Painter]

I was looking at houses over the last 2 weeks. We are in this little apartment with no room for the boys to release their energy. We still have 85% of our things in storage. As much as I agree that there is a lot of upheaval, the boys are excited to move into a house and go to a school with their cousin. The school district is in the top 10 in the state. It is also a Leader in Me school also which is the same as the school they were in before we left the marital home. XW has no problem changing schools so the boys are in Canada, but has issues now, such a double standard.

It does sound like an improvement. Has your L said that you can go ahead and move and change schools on your own? Courts typically don't look favorably on parents who make unilateral changes. It sounds to me like you are moving ahead a little fast. Did you give her just 24 hours to respond?

You may have to slow down your processes due to the shared custody.

[J5K]

Painter,

I am certain the judge will not like it, but I have heard the judge in other cases as I was sitting through motions approve of things when it was in a positive direction and in the best interest of kids. Worst case, the boys stay in the same school. Regardless, I have a plan either way on how to get them there.

My L said yes to the move and is going to file a motion for the judge to review and hopefully approve the change in school district. My L is also going to file for me to have sole legal custody.