So im not sure how well i DBd this morning with wife regarding her papers. I didnt get emotional, maybe a little accusatory. Some things about past few months were brought up by both parties. But i maintained my position that im not joint filing. I ended the conversation with, I dont have the answers for you, and left.
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
Went out friday GAL, with some work friends for holiday drinks. Upside, i had fun, downside my presence without wife and having a few work flirts only fueled the rumors of my divorce. As very few know the actual story. But my therapist suggested have fun with the work flirts, and i did, i dont think a single word about my situation came out, or popped in my head even.
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
Side note, when i returned home friday, i noticed the joint file papers were still laying on the counter. I would think that once i told her i wasnt interested in ending our marriage, she would want to take the papers for her to fill out herself as her note said.. so she leaves them, knowing she wont be back until tuesday morning. And for first time in weeks, fixed herself a cup of coffee.. something she stopped out of spite.
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
I don't get the coffee reference. Who doesn't have coffee out of spite?
Nice job on the GAL; harmless flirting is fun! However, you still seem a little caught up in things she says or does - and I can guarantee you 99.9% of it is completely meaningless.
I think sometimes a WAS does have a SHRED of good in them, so they go through a few motions to try to look decent; and it gives the LBS false hope.
I think sometimes a WAS does have a SHRED of good in them, so they go through a few motions to try to look decent; and it gives the LBS false hope.
This is correct. Although sometimes, they do things to try to make it easier on us which also gives us false hope.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
The reference about coffee. Once she left, i tried treating her more like a guest in my home so id have a pot of coffee on, and once a week make cinnamon rolls etc. And say thanks for coming to watch kids. At some point she stopped saying thank yous. And then to drive it home wouldnt eat the cinnarolls or drink any of the coffee. But would make comments "the kids enjoyed them" at me. So i felt she was spitefully denying herself that stuff. Yes im still not fully detached. I was kinda hoping that if shes serious about the divorce papers she woulda followed through with her threat. Being in limbo stinks. I describe my situation like being in an innertube in the middle of a lake, no clue which beach i will eventually drift on to. As i DB, a question pops in my head, if i DB well theirs a good chance that i myself could become wayward! That doesnt feel right! Does that make sense?
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
As i DB, a question pops in my head, if i DB well theirs a good chance that i myself could become wayward! That doesnt feel right! Does that make sense?
According to Cadet, it's a common script for the LBS to become the WAS.
Obviously, a failure in a marriage is what brings people here, so both of you made mistakes. The WAS seeks to rectify those mistakes by leaving, having affairs, being generally crappy, and so on. The good DBer attempts to rectify those mistakes by becoming a better person in every way.
When you have spent some time DBing, I think you begin to see the betterment of yourself, realize the efforts you put into becoming the best you can be - and as your own "save-the-marriage" fog begins to lift, then the WAS starts revealing themselves as someone less than you deserve. And not just in words only but you start to FEEL that.
Alls been quiet lately. Except wife keeps leaving her D papers and note on the counter. Not sure what she expects me to do with them. I do speak to lawyer, but she doesnt know that. Not sure what im gonna do, maybe just see what ill have to start prepping?? Idk
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
Feeling a little hopeless after this christmas. Kids tell me wife and OM are moving to a new place on thursday,, not that i should care. But here i am wondering why after what my wife has done, she gets her wish of happiness... Gets what she wants. While im trying to do what i can and being alone in the process..
BH:30 WW:30 T:12 M:5 D7 S4 BD 7-28-16 S 8-28-16 3-15-17 wife filed 3-17-17 OM joint files with his wife
However, you still seem a little caught up in things she says or does - and I can guarantee you 99.9% of it is completely meaningless.