Moved out, working on GAL

[fightin]

Well I have an appointment with a L this afternoon for a consult. Hope I can get a few questions answered and find out just how much this is going to cost me. Better to proactive than to end up dead broke forever!

[bsb]

I think that is smart! One of my best friends is an attorney and I have asked him a few questions. Nothing wrong with trying to protect yourself!!

How you holding up today??

[Vanilla]

How did L go?

Update please.

V

[fightin]

Hy everyone, I've had a very busy weekend so just now taking the time to update my thread.

Spoke to a lawyer, definitely have to sign off on her house and she will have to sign off on mine. Lawyers are expensive not like we don't all know that already, but still. I do think it is in my best interest to go ahead and file though so I can make sure I'm protected financially before she gets hit with the custody suit.
This has all moved so quickly it is a bit overwhelming and mind boggling, but it is what it is.

I had a good time at my company's holiday party and I won a centerpiece to take home. I didn't have a great time at my friend's party, I did a lot of staring off into space while others talked, but it was good to see my 2 friends that were there.

Yesterday I went and spent some time with my SS for a while. We played Legos and watched a movie. His dad is weirding me out a little. He keeps making comments like wanting to adopt me, and asking if I'm moving in and invited himself and SS to come visit me here (2 hours from them), but didn't mention his wife. Then yesterday he was sad I was leaving after 3 hours and said he didn't want me to leave. His wife left for work after I'd been there for about an hour. I didn't know she'd be gone. He hasn't been physically inappropriate, but I'm just trying to keep my distance and make sure I'm not doing anything that would give him the wrong idea. It is totally weirding me out though.

Today I took my parents to the airport as they flew to Cali to watch my eldest nephew become a Marine! Then I went and rode my motorcycle in a toy run. That was a lot of fun. Now I'm about to resume painting at my rental property. I definitely was not lacking in the GAL activities this weekend.

I hope everyone else is doing well!

[fightin]

Well, I'll be filing this week. I have mixed feelings of course, but mostly relief. I'm just ready for some closure. It's only been 5 weeks, but my W is insistent that D is inevitable, and since I need to make sure I'm protected financially I might as well get it over with. She agreed to pay 1/2 so I'm thankful for that and also thankful that I'll be D before the new year so 2017 can be a clean slate for me.

I've been doing a lot of reading on limerence and I find that this fits my W perfectly. I worry that after I file, and she then gets hit with the custody suit, and then hits financial hardship due to taking so much of the debt and now having to pay child support that her world might spin out in a bad way. As much as I want this all to be over with I don't want her to get hurt. I know that isn't for me to worry about any longer though.

I also have feelings of failure. I hate that I failed at this relationship too. I hate that I just keep failing. I know that I've learned a lot about myself and what I want and need in a partner for the future, and I still have a lot more to learn about both, but I still can't help but feel like a failure.

[ngs]

A person is not a failure, hence you are not a failure...some quotes below, I always find inspiration in words

"Failure is an event never a person"

"Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again this time more intelligently"

"Failure defeats losers but it inspires winners"

"What defines us is how well we rise after falling"

"I am learning to trust the journey even when I don't understand it"

"Every failed relationship is an opportunity for self growth and learning. So be thankful and move on"

I know that I've learned a lot about myself and what I want and need in a partner for the future, and I still have a lot more to learn about both

I see your own words in these quotes. The hurt will take time to go away, but you can move on to something better.

[bsb]

Sorry that things are moving so fast. You seem to be taking it well though. Who knows what are spouses are thinking. I agree it might hit them but they may also never care.

ngs, thank you for those quotes!! I'm struggling with telling myself I'm not a failure. Looks like I will be twice divorced at 36. It's hard to think that a good woman will give me a chance

[fightin]

Ngs,

Yes, thank you for the quotes. I do realize that I am not a failure, but that failure is an opportunity, I just let my emotions get the better of me sometimes. That is one of my 180s, not beating myself up, but instead learning from situations and creating better outcomes in the future.

Bsb, yeah, it will be less than 2 months from BD to D, but yeah, I'll be alright. I can't control her, and I am done hoping she will come back. Either she will or she won't and if she does then who knows if I'll still be in a place to care.

Bsb, this makes my 2nd D by 35, and it makes my W's 3rd D by 32. Trust me, there are women out there that will understand, and hopefully, like you, they will be more cautious as well and will know who they are and what they want so you can both grow something wonderful and lasting together.

[hawker]

Fightin...

When this first happened to me I felt like a failure as well like what is wrong with me...it passes eventually...it is not us, we are working on ourselves and making ourselves better...I know its hard but we will get through this.

Sounds like you are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself which is good. Sorry that this is moving so quickly..I guess quick or long it is still a difficult situation to deal with so hang in there!!

[Vanilla]

There is a phase where the LBS after being discarded thinks they are a failure.

And failure is a thought or belief not a feeling. That's great news as it can be changed, and the only failure the LBS has is to cease to take care of self.

It is my firm opinion that the LBS is always the winner if they work their sitch. I say that as I am aware that waywards are incapable of having a great personal state until they address their issues.

The key thing fightin is what is it that caused you to make the choices you did with WW? Is this from your childhood? Are there things to address than once addressed will be a big leap forward?

This piece of work will take you to a place beyond.

I Internet guarantee it.

V