He is referring to him and his wife. And yes, he is usually referring to something about our daughter. or even just him. But neither very well has nothing to do with his OWW. Who is not in the conversation, nor are they as a couple being referred to at any point. I understand she is a part of my D9's life, but she isn't a part of everything. When someone speaks directly to me, I have always figured "we" or "us" refers to the 2 people having a conversation. Anything he does anymore is no longer an "I". He no longer identifies himself as an individual. Even if I ask him a question that has to do with him, and no one else, not even our kid, he says "we".
I wouldn't take him back in a million years under any circumstances. My anger may have been misdirected. That does irk me when he does that, like I said, probably a pet peeve or a trigger, but I was angry with him about something else, and that just intensified it I think.
I'm surely overwhelmed and if I am being completely honest here, the fact that he is a part of a "we" and doesn't have to do half of the crap I do and the little bit he has to do, is a shared responsibility with HER. I have been fighting my lonliness and the overwhelming feeling of sole responsibility tooth and nail these days. I don't discuss with friends, I discuss it here and in IC. I power through my days by going full force, not giving myself enough time to stop and think about it. And when I get sad and frustrated, I pep talk myself, brag on myself for what a great job I am doing all alone, and how awesome it is all I accomplish and continue to accomplish. That is honestly what gets me through it, and doesn't let me stop and feel the pain or lonliness. I brag to myself. It's all I've got, is to be proud of myself, it's my coping mechanism.
I don't want to be strong all the time, but I realize, if I am not, I'll fall apart. I just wonder how many more years I can keep going like this.
The Giggalo always complained I wasn't a 'we' person, like it was a bad thing.
I liked being part of 'us' a couple made of two separate people working together as a team. We doesn't figure in us.
We means as if with one voice, as if one person.
That's how controlling peeps are, there is only 'we' when they mean 'me'. You are not a 'me' person means you agree with me, we have one voice, and my view is yours. Adding we feels stronger as if there is an extra strength, two or more against me on my own.
It isn't that way, 'we' is weak it bites no controversy, it permits no discretion. No discussion on any matter, it means I speak for another, I assume their view point is the same as mine. This is because they have no right to a view, an independent because I am right automatically, all the time. The one on the other side of 'we' is weak, they use passitivity, to gain control they may become the passive master the type that Al Turtle speaks of.
Know that 'we' is weak, a folie a deux, validating that which should not be validated.
Pity someone who is part of 'we', their voice may be removed and their thoughts held captive by another.
To be part of 'we' can be comforting, to feel enclosed by another, to belong, to be subsumed. It is dangerous to assume that 'we' is romantic to have a notion it is the pathway to heaven. It is the pathway to hell.
So I ask what is it about 'we' that bothers you?
Could it be the sense of 'we' believe or think has greater power than I? Or is it that 'we' is a sense of someone in control and you are unsure who it is, that the ex has no voice but that of another? Or is it the loss of 'we', that faux romantic notion of 2 into 1?
Heed it no mind Ginger, 'we' speak is usually piffle.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Wow, my thread took a crazy turn. I'm sitting here trying to figure it out. I'm lost! Maybe I need to channel my inner kindergartner?
I'll close out the official "we" topic. It irks me. That's as much as I know. I can't talk to him without also talking to her. And assumed I know who "we" is when we are the only 2 in the convo. It doesn't bother me that much. I just mentioned it on a cranky day when his p8ssed me off.
I have a 3 day weekend all to myself. ANd it is literally all to myself. My plans were cancelled, everyone is busy, so it's just me. I shopped yesterday. I did not go out the night before. I had a wine emergency yesterday and actually had to ask my ex to stop and grab a bottle on the way to pick up D9 (I was watching her longer so he could get a haircut and it was literally on the way) Today I am grabbing lunch with a friend. But the rest is all time to myself. One might think I should be happy......
Thursday night the owner of my gym was there and ex came and picked her up from class. She said to me after "your daughter didn't look to thrilled to be going with him" He himself, looks like a crank ALL THE TIME lately. She said "oh, you have a night to yourself, are you going out?" I felt like a loser. No. I have no plans except with my couch.
Eh, I'll make the best of it. Wrap presents, drink wine, watch sappy Christmas movies that are a love story, then cry.
tomorrow I signed up for a yoga charity event. That should be fun. I may grab coffee with some guy on POF that I exchanged 2 messages with. He asked. Why not? I have nothing to lose. It's just a cup of coffee.
