Healing from infidelity is tough - here's a great example of how it can be done.
********************* "I joined your on-line community years ago. I truly believe your website and book saved my marriage in a very short amount of time.
My life has changed for the very best. I have a loving, wonderful husband who adores me. You can see it in his eyes every day. I read posts occasionally now and I wish that more marriages could be saved. I feel the pain they are feeling. I know the doubts they have along the way as they are trying to piece the marriage back together again. I know about the constant thoughts that pass through their heads. I used to think about his affair all the time, then it got to be daily and now it is from time to time. But what I found more important was that the affair was a symptom of the problem and that it is the marriage that I need to concentrate on, not the affair.
I found a strength in myself that I never believed that I had. My husband still does not understand why I didn't kick him out on his butt when I found out about his infidelity. I told him that at that point, I refused to make any more decisions for him. It seemed that I had become more like his mother than a wife during our marriage and that I had to make most of the decisions, from what we were having for dinner to all our financial decisions, to all the decisions dealing with our children. He expected that I would make the decision about whether he would stay or leave. That would make it easy for him because he could blame me for kicking him out and that would somehow make it better in other people's eyes.
We have come a long way. I thought before the affair that we had the perfect marriage, but I was blind. Although things are cheery now, I refuse to take anything for granted again. I thought we understood each other before, but realized that communication was missing. Now we really talk ... about our dreams, our fears, our hopes, our future. We also talk to each other if there is something bothering us about the marriage. I think before we thought that we should avoid this topic because in successful marriages, everything is perfect. Now we know that nothing is perfect and if things are not right, we need to talk to each other...not to someone else who "understands me".
I strongly suggest to anyone going through a difficult time like this to read the 'Healing From Infidelity' chapter in "The Divorce Remedy" and consider getting some real help from a Divorce Busting Telephone Coach.