Work was hard today after yesterday but I feel a little better tonight. She messaged me today about how she needs to come to the house tomorrow because she forgot a few things and a package is coming from ups. No idea what is left. Can't be anything important. I responded by saying to make a list of what she forgot and I will put it in the garage so she can get it and the package will be on the front door because I have plans tomorrow night. I think it's an excuse but I could be wrong. She said she will miss me but this is for the best. She mentioned that it is my fault she moved everything out because I asked her too and seemed mad about it but hard to tell in a text. She knows where I stand and would work on things if she would so I didn't respond. Trying to detach
She text me again late last night after I started ignoring her requests about coming over to look through the house. I just said that I've had a busy day, I have to get up early to see the dr. and goodnight. She replied she had a long day too and told me goodnight and she hopes I can sleep.
I start getting texts first thing his morning and she has been blowing my phone up all day. . Keeps wanting to come back to the house and make sure she hasn't left anything. Said if she just had keys she could do it without seeing me. It bothers her I made her give her keys back to me to the home. There isn't anything except the things in the garage and I told her I would leave you the garage door open so she can get it.
All morning she keeps talking about the joint accounts and how we need to split everything up and get this over with fast as possible. I text back that I'm not in the right state of mind to discuss financial matters right now and we need to slow down on that stuff. I did put a freeze on our savings so neither of us can pull from it. She hasn't even filed and it takes 3 months I think once you file. She replied that she just wants to speed everything up and move on fast as possible. 5 min later she asked why did we get married. I havent replied. What do I do??! Ignore all this? Or what do I say?
i know. She's the type if I ignore she starts blowing the phone up and getting angry. I've tried to keep things really short. I guess I will have to start ignoring? I don't want to talk about financial things now because we don't agree which will lest to a argument. That's something the lawyers will decide in my opinion??
I have talked to my buddy that is a lawyer and he said to hang tight for now. She can't get into the house and the savings are frozen. The only thing she could get into is the joint checking and I'm keeping it low enough to just pay bills.
I'm not going to file and until she does I don't know if anything should be discussed about asset splitting.
I don't know what to say about her asking why we got married?
Consult a L so you know your options and rights. No need to take action, just good to be prepared.
Just ignore any R talk. It's an invite to fight. Sounds like she needs the drama to validate her decision. Diffuse the bomb by not engaging.
Be busy, whether real or fake, just act like you are moving forward with life and not sitting around sulking over her. GAL like crazy. This is for you, to save your sanity and get to a better place emotionally.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
I agree with moving forward. I've been going to counseling and that has helped some. I don't think I'm going to respond to her question of why did we get married? She knows how I feel and she has letters I wrote a month ago that explains how much she means to me. I keep questioning myself from the weekend She blames me for moving her stuff out since I told her Sunday that we either have to move toward together or finish getting her personal things from the house. She pushed me too far and I should have just said bye and hung up. Idk, maybe I'm overthinking. I'm sure I wil hear from her tonight about something. I agree with her rushing this because she thinks she will move on faster. I just don't know if it will hit her before it's too late.
If she has friends and family pushing her to D you will have to find a way to get those negative voices out of her head so she can think clearly for herself. Some of her thoughts are to not disappoint them and not really her own thoughts. That would explain her confusion on what to do.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
I start getting texts first thing his morning and she has been blowing my phone up all day. . Keeps wanting to come back to the house and make sure she hasn't left anything. Said if she just had keys she could do it without seeing me. It bothers her I made her give her keys back to me to the home. There isn't anything except the things in the garage and I told her I would leave you the garage door open so she can get it.
All morning she keeps talking about the joint accounts and how we need to split everything up and get this over with fast as possible. I text back that I'm not in the right state of mind to discuss financial matters right now and we need to slow down on that stuff. I did put a freeze on our savings so neither of us can pull from it. She hasn't even filed and it takes 3 months I think once you file. She replied that she just wants to speed everything up and move on fast as possible. 5 min later she asked why did we get married. I havent replied. What do I do??! Ignore all this? Or what do I say?
Reply to what you need to.
You can tell her that her things are in the garage, and if she'd like to do a last walk through on the house you can arrange a time to do that, but that you'll be there with her.
You can tell her that you are prepared to split accounts as soon as the lawyers have met to advise how to move forward. You can validate that you understand she wants this done quickly and you won't do anything to slow the legal process down.
I wouldn't reply to the marriage question. If she blows you up about other things I would reply to what was business related. If there are examples of things you feel warrant a reply outside of that post them here first and give it some time.
Don't TELL her you are only going to focus on business, just SHOW her by doing that. Actions speak louder than words, but that has to be the focus.
It's like talking to the police. You can't help yourself, and can only hurt yourself. Keep your mouth shut, create distance, be mysterious. She shouldn't know how you're feeling. (I wouldn't have said "I'm not up for dealing with this right now", that's too emotionally revealing, distance distance distance!)
You got this.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Thanks everyone. She quit texting about finances after I didn't respond to the why do we get married question. I got a text around dinner time about a package that showed up. She just asked me to not leave it outside and I said ok. Nothing else. I think the stress is getting to me because I crashed and slept well for the first time in weeks. I woke up to a missed call from her. Do I call back at this point or just let it be?? She didn't leave a message or text anything so it must not be too important. I keep waiting on her to say she filed for D....
