I'm delighted your celebrations span two weekends! Great self-awareness on your part re: the people who initiate. I have the same feelings. For me it manifests as an instant feeling of mistrust ... totally unwarranted. I'm working on it, what can I say. At least we have the awareness, right? That's the first step.
So ng is still around. Yes, I think you played that correctly. You deserve someone who will show you in every way that he wants to be with you. I do worry about your self imposed year ... what if next week you meet the man of your dreams? Do you tell him he has to wait? On the other hand, if he is the man of your dreams, he's going to realize you are well worth waiting for. I just hope you are trusting your instincts but not blocking yourself off.
xoxoxoxoxo much love and {{{{{hugs}}}}}
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Thank you all for the birthday wishes - I had a nice time, thank you and I felt spoiled and remembered by friends and family, which was lovely.
Bttrfly, thanks for your comments about not dating. You know, that isn't something that worries me. If there were someone really super who crossed my path, I wouldn't close that down, but I would proceed really gently. And I'm just not 'actively' seeking to date I guess.
Yes, NG is still around. It's funny really, he doesn't initiate much or continue text/email exchanges. And he cancelled that drink. But in person seems interested in me, conversational, picking up on themes we talked about before, asking me about events I mentioned previously and so on. Still, however things go, it's a nice friendship.
My big project at work is on the upswing, and I'm trying to bring some creativity and new insight to it. I've lost some of the fear and feel more confident about my input. Next week, I'm having my garden landscaped, which I'm excited about. Divorce group is going well, and it's lovely to still be a part of that. I'm off to lunch tomorrow for someone else's birthday and other than that, dancing, yoga, bookstore, social things etc.
Life trips along and I do think less and less about XH. I still shake my head that he dropped out of such a significant R like a stone and doesn't contact me at all, but I don't feel in distress about that. MLC reading and learning sure does help.
Best wishes to you all and thanks for reading xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I know - exbf was around so much 6 trips this past 9 months, and we saw each other 6 times, a record. And each time, as the divorce progressed, we inched closer to ... i dunno, maybe less tap dancing around. Still not crossed any lines, but definitely a progression. Slow is good. I feel like I'm building a solid foundation for my future, whomever it is shared with.
I'm sure you feel the same. I understand your feelings about XH. I saw stbxh tonight when he dropped S around to drop off something I need for an appt tomorrow. When S was with us, he appeared cordial. that all changed to outright ignoring me when s went into the house and cordial again when s came outside. Hurtful, but I surprised myself by how fleeting the hurt was and how quickly it was followed by the thought of "this is his problem, not mine." and what kind of a person spends 26 years with someone, shares a child then treats them like this?? Not someone I have much in common with, from a values perspective.
Overall Sotto, I'd rather be us than them, wouldn't you? much love xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Thanks Esame and Bttrfly. Yes, I would rather be me and that's a good thing. I can't imagine what it must be like to deal with the fact you walked out of such a significant R in that way. For me, it also makes me sad that XH became so sad and desperate on 'my watch' and (whilst I am 'well-read' about MLC) I also feel I let him down in some ways.
But then I think, if you live with someone, of course there will be let-downs and joys and frustrations and so on. It is part of the ebb and flow of life.
Our divorce group is over half way through now and it is such a meaningful thing to me to be part of it. I see why this experience is a gift in so many ways. The fact that I have been rubbed raw through this situation, means that I have something to give to these people in their own times of pain. I do think things like these are part of what gives life meaning, and I am grateful for the opportunity. I love that these kind people turn out once a week on a rainy winter's evening to support others...
I have generally been busy with work and house renovations - and life is fine. I still struggle a little from time to time. The other night I woke after a dream where XH was on the phone to OW and I was in the background. That wasn't very nice and there are clearly still some 'brain' things going on there. But in many ways, I do feel a release. I have let go of a lot, but perhaps not completely yet. I guess it takes time.
No news from NG since his suggestion of a visit. I draw back from time to time. I see that he is reticent too and I don't feel like 'chasing' a reticent person. It is a change in me as I was very much a pursuer. Now I do think more - that doesn't work for me - and I focus on something different. All in good time and I am kind and responsive when he does initiate.
Next week is garden landscaping week. I'm off today and I just found out that my loo and basin (ordered 6 weeks ago and due for delivery tomorrow) are out of stock! Thanks for the 'just in time' notification (not!!) I do get rattled far less by stuff like this, which I feel is 'small.' Yes I need to rearrange the plumber and choose new things, but that's fine.
Got a weird text from SS this week, just saying - did you change your number? I wasn't even sure if it was meant for me and replied back - no I'm still here . Realised he had previously texted 'hope to see you soon?' And I missed that the Q mark needed a reply, so I've suggested a festive season meet up...
Thanks for reading and have a lovely day everyone. Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Sotto, You sound very even and filled with equanimity. A beautiful place to be! Am I reading too much into SS's second text? We often don't realize just how much others are affected by our MLCer/D ... at least I don't. I'm glad you will be seeing him soon. He sounds like a lovely young man. You are lucky to have each other.
Sorry about the bathroom items not being in stock. Frustrating but you are handling it in stride, with your usual Elan.
. Realised he had previously texted 'hope to see you soon?' And I missed that the Q mark needed a reply, so I've suggested a festive season meet up...