Focus on Me and the Boys 10

[Painter]

Is XW in direct contact with the boys' school?

It is up to each parent to get connected and ask the school for information, but as the custodial parent you do have more of a responsibility to keep her informed and help facilitate the distribution of information.

I would let her know the highlights and add the contact information to the teacher(s) in case she would like more details. That way you've done your duty but steered her towards the school for more info.

You can also go above and beyond and supply the school with pre-addressed, stamped envelopes for her so they can mail copies of information.

I think perhaps this post was skipped because it was at the bottom of the previous page and I posted another after it.

This is what I have experienced would be the best way to handle it based my volunteer work with divorced families across the country.

[J5K]

I guess I am not as detached as I thought I was.

Still struggling to accept this as the reality.

I am sure there are a lot of ways to perceive things and make it about the boys. Based on the feedback I am getting, maybe I am being nit picky and childish a bit.

Was the comment needed about sending it 3 months ago? The intent was to let her know the timeframe I sent her the discount, it was not intended to be sarcastic or negative.

I will send her the info on the boys from the conference.

[j20a00g]

But if she had it from 3 months ago why would she have asked? I'm not saying walk on eggshells. Forget that. But definitely try to avoid anything that could start one of the back And forths that have been happening.

[Vanilla]

Please get an online shared Schedule!

V

[Vanilla]

Look at ourfamilywizzard with your L.

Just saying

V

[J5K]

Yesterday I sent xW an email regarding S6's behavior in school. He has detention tomorrow. I also told her I had parent teacher conferences and that I would send her the status on the boys and how they are doing. Here is her response back.

Jim,

S6 wanted very much to live with me. He's very upset by the decision to remain in your custody through the school year. I expect this behavior to continue and further regress. He's acting out because it's the only way he feels in control and it's his way of showing his displeasure and his way of seeking attention and help.

I know in your heart you believed you were doing what you thought was right but I'm sorry, I don't think this custody arrangement is in the best interest of the children at all.

Short of changing your mind on the matter I don't think there's much to be done.

I did not respond. I know she is a psych major and she feels that the boys would be better off with her while they are young. She and I fundamentally have clear differences on the right way to raise a family.

[PsySara]

I am double degreed, I have a psych major as well as a chemistry major. Also, I am a mental health professional and an MD. Your wife is projecting like whoa! Small children can say they want to live here or there but the fact of the matter is, they need to be with the most stable parent. For her to say that the only solution is to uproot your son and move him to Canada, away from you and his siblings, is preposterous.

You did the right thing by informing her of your sons' situation, you also did the right thing by not responding to her "opinion" of what will fix the problem. Keep doing what works.

[Painter]

Didn't she earlier just want the youngest?

[J5K]

Painter,

Yes, way in the beginning she just wanted the youngest. XW just continues to say what ever she feels.

Well this past Friday we both signed the final documents. Since it was Veteran's Day the courts were closed, so I think they went in front of the judge today. My L did not get confirmation yet.

xW had the boys this weekend. We exchanged on Friday at 7pm, met halfway. She had a rental and MIL with her. She went to the wrong location and then drove to us.

I went out with some buddies when I returned home and got a lot done this past weekend. It was nice to have a bit of a break to be able to clean the van and catch up on some things and get my life back on track for the boys.

Picked up the boys on Sunday. They said they had a good time. xW took them to a hotel for the weekend. Boys said mom stated FIL was not feeling well so they could not stay at the in laws house. They had fun swimming and just hung out at the hotel mostly. Boys were exhausted when I brought them home.

This exchange was not only inconvenient for me, it was inconvenient for the boys. They were exhausted. I let them sleep in the next morning because we came home a little late.

I also found out that xW did not look in their backpacks so their homework was not completed even though I emailed her on Saturday. I emailed my L and she said I need to document. I also emailed the teachers and stated I would have the boys complete the homework this evening to return on Tuesday. They all thanked me.

Tonight I sent xW an email regarding S6. Today after school he stated that mommy asked if he was going to therapy and was on medication this past weekend.

Here is the email I sent xW:

In the future, I feel it would be more appropriate to ask me if S6 is seeing a therapist or is on medication. This evening he stated that you asked him these questions this weekend. I would not put him on any medication or take him to therapy without informing and consulting you first.

xW response:

I was speaking to my son regarding his behaviour at school.

You have most definitely have not been forthcoming with any information about the children whatsoever.


May I ask why only S8 received a flu shot and none of the other children? And did Dr. X know he was home that day with a fever? I'm certain he would not have administered the vaccine if he did.

My response:

S8 had to get a refill on his medication. S8 did not have a fever when he went to see Dr. X.

As far as the boys behavior in school, are you saying you would like more information on them? If so, I can send you their teachers email address so you may be copied on all issues regarding the boys.

I then sent a separate email asking if she agreed to my last proposal on the furniture in the house. This conversation is for another post as it is escalating out of control and we are emailing back and forth even as I write this post.

[PsySara]

As far as the boys behavior in school, are you saying you would like more information on them? If so, I can send you their teachers email address so you may be copied on all issues regarding the boys.

I think this is an excellent idea. Unfortunately she will parent however she chooses, calling her on conversations with your son comes across controlling. Frankly she can discuss whatever she wants and there is nothing you can do about it. She can even have the boys calling her flavor-of-the month Daddy if she chooses. I am not saying this to make you feel bad but to frame this properly, you cannot control anything she does or says with your sons when they are with her. Short of safety issues you have no say in her parenting technique. The best you can hope for right now is parallel parenting, not even co-parenting.

Your best option is to maintain your stready, solid presence when they are with you. You are their only consistent presence right now. I liked that you came up with a solution based answer to her dig, having her copied on school and medical meetings is a fantastic idea.