Thanks, FG. I'll check that book out. And I know exactly what you mean in the rest of your post.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
I'm able to spew gungho DB stuff here, but find it hard to do half of the s[h]it in real life.
Living it day by day.
Hang in there FG. Do the best you can. One day at a time.
You will turn the corner. I promise.
This is a traumatic experience. Everyone recovers/heals at their own speed. I fully believe my sitch happened for a reason. I understand that better now 7 years down the road. Try to embrace what you can. I was like you. But I look back differently now and see something that was necessary in my life. It's hard to live it at the time, real easy to play armchair QB later on. I'm here to tell you that things will get better no matter how they turn out. You are grieving your old R. Nothing wrong with that, and very necessary to heal. Own it.
You can handle this.
Strength and Honor.
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
Com'on buddy - the "DB stuff" is not spew. What is your evidence for thinking like that? Seriously, you are an educated man and I have asked a serious question, which matters to me. What is the point of education if we can use it to stop our own minds and ask if we are not on the right path?
I am not suggesting you should be anywhere other than where you are right now, but why is your motivation for claiming DB is equated to spew (as in spew for which all these DB forums define the term)? You have been educated - so please, I have three questions above evidence, education, and motivation...please let me know.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
I think you may have read too much into my use of the word "spew." Or maybe my use of it was inflammatory. I called it that because it's so easy to spout DB principles and advice, especially for others, yet incredibly difficult to do it for your own situation.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
I totally get what FG is saying. When I read others' situations here, it's frequently very clear to me what the poster needs to do or at least what (s)he should do to maximize the chance of coming through things in the best shape possible. So I find myself posting, trying to help, etc.
That sort of clarity eludes me in my own situation. My situation? It's like being swamped by a hurricane, while others' situations are like watching news coverage of the hurricane from my living room in another city.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I totally agree with JRuss. One of the reasons I like to read through old threads is I see successful DB'ers slip then just dust off and try again. Their endurance was inspiring and let me know I could keep trying, keep fighting, I could endure.
Going through the emotions of being the LBS is grueling and agonizing. But like a seasoned veteran, you can become strong and wise. You can rise above.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Their endurance was inspiring and let me know I could keep trying, keep fighting, I could endure.
Our endurance is inspiring too.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
Their endurance was inspiring and let me know I could keep trying, keep fighting, I could endure.
Our endurance is inspiring too.
Absolutely this! We shouldn't lose sight that we have all chosen a hard path and should be proud we are still trudging down it. Says a lot about everyone's character around here.
JR, you feel the same way I do. Feels like I'm in a tornado when my situation picks up steam, but it's so easy to give advice for others in equally brutal situations. Got to love human emotions and the irrationality that comes from them!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
