Focus on Me and the Boys 9

[J5K]

Had a pretty good week with the boys. Took them to a trunk or treat this evening at S4 and S2s daycare. They had fun. Busy weekend coming up with the baptism on Sunday. Lots of prepping to do tomorrow. Getting haircuts and picking up all our suits from drycleaners and the normal day to day stuff.

xW texts this afternoon to schedule next months visit with the boys.

xW: Do the boys have Nov. 11th off?

Me: The boys do not have November 11th off

xW: Ok. Are you taking the whole thanksgiving weekend off to be with them? Your family generally does the dinner on Thursday, right? So maybe we can meet the next morning for me to have them? Would that work?

Me: I already have plans made for that weekend.

xW: Ok. Well I guess the weekend of the 11th then.

Me: Ok

Me: Please ensure you have transportation to pick them up.

xW: I thought we were swapping cars? Until the Hyundai is fixed and sold.

Me: I need the van

xW: Seriously?

Me: Yes. I need the van

xW: Is there another weekend perhaps when you don't need the van?

xW: Hey, Jim how about being a good and decent father and helping the kids maintain a relationship with their mother. How about that?

xW: No response?

xW: Fine I'll figure it out. I'll see you in London on the 11h at 5pm

Me: 5 p.m. doesn't work for me. I work until 4:30. We can meet at 8 p.m.

xW: No we can meet at 5pm as per the agreement

xW: Thanks

Me: That is no longer the agreement

xW: Yes it is actually

Me: Then I suggest you come pick them up after school

xW: No that's not the agreement

Me: 8 p.m.

xW: I guess I'll see you in court then

xW: Look I don't want to drag this into court

xW: The agreement says 5pm

xW: But if you want to do 8pm then we meet at 8pm on the Sunday. I have the right to a full weekend.

xW: Please confirm.

xW: When is your transfer scheduled?

xW: Things will be a whole lot easier to coordinate then...

Me: xW I feel that is too late for the boys to come back on Sunday. They will be exhausted for school on Monday then.

xW: I understand your concern

xW: But I'm entitled to a full weekend

xW: So either meet me at 5pm on the Friday or it'll be 8pm on Sunday

Me: Agree. I suggest finding another alternative so you can have 48 hrs.

xW: What is it you suggest

Me: There is flexibility in your schedule to pick them up from school.

xW: No

Me: Boys are in bed by 8 so they need to be home by 8. It is a 2.5 hour drive for them.

Me: From London

xW: Then I suggest we meet at the scheduled time of 5pm

xW: End of story

Me: I work. It doesnt work for me.

xW: Ok well when I guess you can explain that to the judge

xW: That's not an argument

Me: I get this is frustrating.

Me: Your right. It is not an arguement. It is a fact.

xW: Well meet at 8pm then

Me: Agree for Friday.

xW: See you on the 11th at 8pm

xW: In London

xW: Update on the transfer?

Me: What time on Sunday then?

Me: 6?

xW: 8pm

Me: I feel you are not considering the needs of the boys by asking to meet so late.

xW: You're entitled to your feelings

Me: 6 pm

Me: Their bed time is 8


Going to have to sort this out with L's again since she does not know that the world doesn't revolve around the princess.

[J5K]

Up early this morning. Had a dream that xW and I were ML. I have no idea what the dream meant. I only know I still feel connected to her.

IDK if I handled yesterday's texts ok. LRT says to be friends and do family things together but IDK how to do that since xW oversteps all boundaries I have.

I stated to her that her cell phone will be cancelled by the end of this month. She still has not changed it over or given me the subsidy money for S6 that goes to her account.

Only going to make these statements once to her and let her figure out the rest.

Going to try and get another hour of sleep. Hope everyone has a great weekend.

[Sotto]

Hi JimKao, I see LRT as more about letting your W see that friends and family time won't really be happening. LRT is about you moving ahead with your own plans and living your life independently to your W. The result of this is that she begins to feel what life post D would be like - but that's a by product really.

My view would be that contact would be minimal and business only. I don't really think you can weave friends and family time into that.

JMHO of course...

[J5K]

Thank you Sotto,

The thing I struggle with is the LRT videos stated the complete opposite. Most WAS' have no emotional connection anymore to the LBS. I feel for them it would be easier to do "family" things together because I feel the WAS is fake.

The entitled princess uses every resource she can to get what she wants. I won't analyze. For me the right thing to do is not enable the bad behavior, that is not for her, it is for me to protect myself, my feelings and my emotions.

[SH_]

JK,


What does the agreement say?

[Ginger1]

JK,


What does the agreement say?

Good question. This was detailed and in the agreement, wasn't it?

[tfish08]

I don't understand why you keep calling her "princess" like you are mad but in my opinion you are the enabler. Why would you uproot those boys closer to a mom who has proven time and time again she has no time for them?
Time for you to be all into those boys and let your EX be. It is starting to feel like you are in a competition of wills with her. Let her go and take care of those boys please

[J5K]

SH, Ginger,

It was for the temporary parenting time. It was not detailed when we went to mediation so xW is going by the previous agreement. My emotions were running high during mediation so I completely forgot to add specific times.

I can still have my L drive this to add since the official D will not be done until the 11th of November. xW will perceive this to be controlling to get her back, oh well, her problem.

I can also just let it slide since I will be moving there in a couple of months, I feel even then, I should put something specific that says xW can pick up boys after school and S2 from either daycare or meet sitter somewhere on a Friday and then meet at a neutral place on the Sunday at a specific time when she has to drop them back off when she has them every other weekend.

[SH_]

Yes, at this point it would seem that every detail that can be put in place can eliminate, if not at least minimize the "petty" back and forth texts.

A little surprised the L and mediators did not help with this...although I understand the responsibility is really on you and ww...and ultimately you, if you are ever going to be able to stay out of the trap conversations with WW.

[Ginger1]

Most divorce agreements have times in them to avoid this sort of conflict, especially in high conflict divorces. My ex and I have it but at this point it's there but we are flexible with each other because well, through the 8 years we managed to work together on this.

Your W was right. You really do make decisions really quickly. I believe you do that because you are trying to get out of pain. Each rash decision you make is because you think it's going to give you some relief. yoi quickly stitch up wounds hoping they will close and heal. But they reopen because it's not done timely with precision and thought. ( yes, I suk at metaphors).

I agree you keep calling her some entitled princess but you keep enabling her. But with the loose boundaries, not thoroughly thought through agreements which are done on the emotion at the time and change 5 min after they are made, everything is loosely interpreted and then she goes through the loopholes. Or maybe she really doesn't understand what the deal is right now. I'm a little confused because it changes daily.

Slow down. think. Because I know you are in pain but these rash decisions may ease it or give you comfort for the moment, but they just keep reopening again.