Sara, i didnt see you post last night, we must have wrote at the same time. It sounds like services in the US are far better than here. Unfortunately, the first point of call is the police who do a wellbeing check on the person, and if they feel that person is ok they drop it. Unfortunately, due to budget cuts, the police are very stretched, so other more serious (to them) emergencies take over. Plus, they aren't trained in the mental health field so I don't think they know what to look for. Every interaction I had with them, I told them he will lie and he is very convincing. My relative who works as a mental health attorney said this is a very distressed person who needs help. I just want someone to take me serious, do a proper assessment and take the recording and listen for themselves. I don't know why this isn't happening. Please rest assured that I am staying calm, I'm tossing the life raft but not swimming out. I'm remarkably calm considering.
Surfer, calling the police again is a good idea, I shall do that. MIL has been heavily involved. They visited us late one night and we gave statements and went through a lot of their admin with them. We have since both been contacting and said how we now have recordings, and told them of his plan. It's so hard hitting all these walls, I've been frustrated many times on the phone and said he has a plan, I have recordings, and he has pretty much told me the exact date (today, his bday), and is he supposed to just become a statistic as no one is willing to properly assess him. I'm not necessarily saying section him, but help him!
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Whatever happens today I hope the news is good. Albeit whatever does happen will be about choices made by someone else not you. I can no more feel the blame for my W's choices than you can feel for yours so it is VERY important that you get this 100% clear in your head. You can only care for people you can't control them as you know.
I am not particularly religious however I do pray for some good news for you, your S, your MIL and wider family.
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
Thanks surfer, I sent a simple text and nothing. Going to chase up some calls, I feel like I've spent the last few days talking! Yeah I keep telling myself that this is likely a series of events that have happened in his world, and I have been trying my upmost.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I am so sorry you are going through this. I do truly hope this is a cry for help and he eventually turns up and really does get the help he needs. He is clearly not well, needs to be medicated and with some intense therapy.
I hate to say this, but could OW know where he is? Or if you know where she is, you can tell the police where she lives.
When this is all over, I'll explain why I made that suggestion. But I think maybe leading help to him is the best idea.
Regardless, there is nothing you can do to save him. he's got to want to be saved. You have been a loving person through all of this. You've helped for HIM. You are a wonderful woman, no matter what, always know that.
I get the strongest suspicion that the ow has dumped him, and that this is a major catalyst in this behaviour. I have the police her name the other day when they were getting information they were asking why he had moved so far away when he has a child (he's moved near her), and they asked if there could be anyone else- they had already jumped at the conclusion there was someone else.
He reached out and asked his mom if she could meet him today (in a public place), she said where shall "we" meet you (she assumed he wanted to see me and S too). He got angry and said no just you. S was with her when he rang, she asked if he wanted to speak to S, again he angrily said he didn't want to speak to him.
I know he is clearly unwell and in dire need of urgent care. I want him to seek that help, I also know I've done absolutely everything in my power and more to help him. But I am feeling a range of emotions, perhaps it's normal (I'm going to speak to an ic asap), while I know I do love him, I want him to be alive and well and get better. But I also know I'm feeling so deeply hurt and stressed, that I really think I don't want a R with him anymore. And again, that triggers guilt, as if he is actually unwell, that's me turning my back on him.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Just a thought. Perhaps you could give your MIL some headsup on how to validate?
It is a very painful and confusing time for you. And your h really doesn't like someone you would want to get back with at this point in time.
These are off the cuff emotions. They are valid for the here and now but they may not last.
Let's just get through the issue of your h's safety first. You dont have to decide anything yet.
Later, when you're in a calmer state of mind, perhaps you can reassess your sitch again without having the adrenaline cloud your judgement. This is your M and you get to make the call but maybe now is not the best time to make any decision.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Grl, thanks for the continued support. This really is so difficult, the not knowing and constant feelingbim getting nowhere is worrying me. When he reached out to her yesterday I sent her some links so then she knew exactly what to say and what not to say. Some about validation and some advising on how to speak to a suicidal person. You're absolutely right, the question of his safety is paramount right now. After mil saw him, he was just dropping her off and she said to come inside and see S. He came in, looked so gaunt and depressed and generally drained of life. I asked if he was ok, he kinda nodded and said "I won't do anything". He then mentioned something in passing to mil about not having any milk or groceries in .. isn't this a staple for someone setting up a home. He then proceeded to ask if we had envelopes in (he told me the other day of his plans and said we would receive a letter explaining why he did it). She quizzed him on this and he said he needed to send papers off to update addresses. Possibly I'm over analysing. But I can't take his word and he is seemingly depressed. He didn't say much to mil, he didn't say or answer why he wanted to see her and her alone. He said to her he wasn't going to do anything, but I don't know if he is trying to throw us off. He said he does feel very depressed but does not want to seek treatment. His work has also gone downhill and he's got some severe yelling S off to "sort himself out" from his boss. He is very proud and professional, he doesn't let anything get in the way. I've contacted more of the emergency mental health teams tonight and I pray someone can help. He already looks at me as though he hates me, he will hate me even more for this, but I'd rather have him alive.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
