Me and my 2 daughters

[bttrfly]

happy hallowe'en Irish. nice job on the haunted house! bet you were the star of the neighborhood.

great job on not getting sucked in.

xoxoxo

[Irish M]

So I get a text message from XW.
She is asking me why I never fought for her!
Why I let her go. She says it shows that I never loved her.

What brought this on? No clue.
I guess she's spinning.

I replied simply ." Sorry you feel this way. I don't need to defend myself on the live I had for you. You walked away saying you faked the last 10years. I saw something in you that I saw during BD 10 years ago. It had taken over the person I once knew. I simply went into protecting myself and the girls. I did try to stop you but anyhing I said or did was pointless so I let you go"

She answered. "I am so sorry I caused you pain and the girls. I hope you find someone you truly love and you will be happy"

Nothing to reply

[Sotto]

Hi Irish, that's an interesting message from your W. I think there's some blame shifting going on there. Instead of taking full responsibility for her own actions and choices, she's looking at you and saying - he should have, why didn't he etc.

I thought your reply was fine BTW. Of course if you are ever unsure, you can always post here before responding and your chums will chip in.

Sounds like you are generally doing well as usual Irish :-) xx

[mirage]

Irish,

The old "you never fought for me" line.

The stuff MLC'ers resort too. I've heard many LBS'ers say they heard that line, while the affair was going on, while the lying was going on, while the total disrespectful treatment was going on. You don't want to be in that head.

You are right Irish, no reply needed!!!!

Mirage

[CaliGuy]

Irish

Yup .... its your fault you did not slay the dragon in her fairy tale right?? Holidays do seem to have a way to make the MLCrs poke out of the tunnel just enough for them to cast blame for all the traditional family type stuff they are missing out on. This time of year it has to be tough for someone who blew up a family to witness the trick-o-treating, future Turkey day plans ... and Christmas coming down the hill like a run away sled with kiddos on it.

She seems to be contacting you more lately and you are handling it well ... stay in your zone and just monitor her without getting sucked in as you are. Again .. you really have done very well with all this and have shown great strength which I imagine deep down she is drawn to.

[job]

Irish,

Oh, my...she's been reading the book of MLC quotes (again). She doesn't understand that her actions have created the consequences that she's now facing and yes, the shifting of blame is all too present in their minds. I think you did a very nice job of responding to her. You've given her something to mull over for quite some time.

From Halloween to St. Patrick's Day, the MLCers tend to come out to play a bit more and in some cases, they contact their families more and even want to reconnect for a while. This is when spouses get their hopes up that their MLCers are waking up...I caution all to step lightly, keep your eyes and ears open and those expectations at zero because once the holidays are over and done with, they tend to go back to the way they were acting pre-holidays. Sometimes the holidays will also bring out the worse in them, this too should be looked upon as it's about them and definitely not your problem.

Hang in there!

[Irish M]

Hi Everyone.Job, Cali, Sotto and Mirage.. you are all so amazing. Thanks for your support. Today i really needed it. What i thought was a simple 2-3 texts from XW turned into a whole day of texts

So I get the typical ones like:
"you never loved me"
"Why didn't you fight for me"
"I miss the girls so much"
"Why didn't the kids fight for me to stay"
"We were clearly not meant to be together"
"I see you have a friend on Facebook that you went out to diner with, a woman friend, how could you move on, clearly didn't love me".

I don't respond to these at all or I just reply "ok".

I now get the:
"how could you do this"
"you turned the girls against me"
"They should meet OM so they can get to know him".

That I had to reply to. I tell her: OM is a huge part of the girls not wanting to reach out to you. It's been 15 months you haven't seen the girls or really reached out to them. Today, you go on and on about you missing them. Sure fine you miss them. That doesn't erase the fact that you neglected them to be with OM. They won't just forget what you did with time. If you feel you need to be forgiven then you should go to church."

She replies. " Irish, it's been over a year. Get over it. The girls won't get over it because of your ego. Its not all about you"

Then she switches gears and says:
"We should of talked more when we argued. ( which was rare but it happened). If we argued, I know I held things in or wanted only to talk about it later, next day etc., you were always talking about it right away, before we go to bed. I felt pressure"

then she says the crazies of crazy:
"You really lost your love for me just before I moved out and you found out that I had a boyfriend. You see you cant get over that. That's why I left"

she continues:
"We should really talk on the phone. Texting it is so long."

I reply: You have my number you texted it all day. It does work as a phone as well. I actually have nothing to say to you after all that you said. I clearly see it's me to blame for everything and you did and continue to do nothing wrong."

She gets of topic "You should tell the girls to call me or email me. You are a bad father. Ruining their lives. I am done with you if you don't... BYE"

I tell her:
"Do me a favor, message the girls yourself. Be sure to include some of this crazy because I am tired of being the middle man."

"What are their emails?" she says

I'm reply in shock at this point "wow, don't tell me you deleted their emails. They are the same as they always were. Their names mixed with last names and year of birth. You did email them around March giving them SHAT about forgetting your birthday"

I texted her the email addresses around 5pm. She replied with a gentle "thanks "

If the girls do get a message I will know about it sadly. It creates such stress in the house. So far all is peaceful. I will let the girls know a little about my day. I don't keep much from them these days because one day, when they do connect with her, I don't want to hear from anybody that i kept stuff from them. They are old enough to make their own decisions. I just don't want them going-in blind.

huge headache .. going to bed zzzzzzzz

[bttrfly]

tension/stress headache. I'm glad you went to bed, honey. sleep it off, you'll probably feel tons better in the morning. she did suck you in, didn't she ? she just kept pushing and pushing until she got a reaction out of you. MLC at it's finest.

so, step back after a good night's sleep and re-read your last post. can you see your trigger? Bet your life she's gonna remember it and use it again. Forewarned is forearmed.

Irish, overall you've handled this madness like a rock star. Like an active addict or alcoholic would, I see her texts got more and more outrageous until you couldn't help but react. My advice is to treat this day as a learning opportunity so that next time you won't react, but will respond.

I'm so very sorry you had to endure this bs all day long. You may want to consider blocking her from your FB page.

wishing you peace and relaxation xoxoxoxo {{{{{{{hugs cuz you need them and are always so generous about giving them to others in need}}}}}}}

[kml]

Omg Irish.......don't take this the wrong way but I am laughing out loud here.

SHE'S with OM for 15 months, but you go out to dinner with a woman now and that's proof you never loved her?????

So classic.....the WAS waltzes off to have their fling but expect us to be sitting around a year later just waiting for them in case they change their mind!

Don't let it get to you. All it means is that she got jealous seeing you have dinner with someone else. She was fishing to see if you were still pining for her; then she could have gone back to her life with OM satisfied that plan B was still safe. I'm glad you didn't give her the satisfaction.

[mirage]

Irish,

Proof does exist that an MLC'ers life is not all that pleasing and you got the proof laid out right in front of you.

My only advise is that you need not reply to her. Her life is a hate fueled mess that she created. It really does bother her but it's her mess to clean up period.

I think you are truly a DB hero in my book.

Mirage