Sotto, great to “see” you back here! I’m happy to learn that you are finding more joy in your life! I completely agree with you, that GAL is the first thing to do. It was hard for me too at the beginning. I’m not a natural extrovert, and I was still going through a lot of emotions while I was out with my new friends, etc. And some of these interactions with people were painful reminders that I was on my own, single, without a partner… But, overtime, it got better and I actually starting to enjoy myself.
Great info about depression. I think my H fits perfectly into that.
Is your SS in college already? He is only 16, right? It is great that you maintain relationship with him. I’m supersensitive when it comes to the kids who went not only through one, but multiple divorces and broken marriages. My son is one of them…
Good luck on your new project! I’m positive you will do great! As for NG, I would do the same, just take it easy and let him deal with whatever he has to deal with. You don’t want another broken men in your life, LOL. Take care!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Hi Sotto Just caught the quote you posted. It hit on what XW said to me. Void
She even told me she needs to keep busy, can't sit still or her mind spins out of control.
So glad you are still here posting and helping others. You are an inspiration
Hugs
Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Thanks for the kind words folks and glad some of you found the depression quote helpful - it really spoke to me.
Well - things have been so busy here! I'm working my new increased hours and trying to settle them into a fixed pattern and fit my various other commitments around them. I'm finishing off a big piece of work and starting up my big project too - so work is quite challenging (in a good way) just now. I'm also still working on the house, which is largely fun...but again busy.
Still salsa dancing, going to yoga, seeing friends and doing things with my divorce group, blue bookstore volunteering, so life trips along. We still have our self-improvement reading group, which I'm hosting next time, and the next divorce group (which I'll be involved in) starts soon too.
Looks like things have settled down at college for my SS, which I'm glad about after his rough start. He and I plan to get together for a day during his holidays later this month - possibly with his Mum too - not yet sure. Enjoyed the black tie party last week and we won an award...went the whole 100 yards on beautifying - nails, tan, fake lashes, blow dry and felt great - NG asked how things went and I texted a pic of our group - with me looking fabulous of course!
He and I still chat a little by text and swap book details we're reading - mostly along self-improvement lines. Like me, he still seems to be very much working through things. I'm planning a drinks party for my birthday next month & may invite him along. He and I touch on flirtation but he doesn't seem to want to take things further and I don't push things either.
All silent from XH and I have no idea how he is doing. I still struggle a little with the feeling of 'is this it then?' And I find it hard to shake the feeling that I meant so little to him in the later stages of our M. For me, it has been hard (and helpful) that we only met once after BD2 and only spoke a few times too - so everything came to such an abrupt end, when I had thought the M good. It's a lot to process really. I am getting there, but I still find the absolute rift a challenge. That's not how I would choose any R to be, and I do wonder if that would change at some point. Less from a 'reconciling' POV - more from a settling the past perspective.
Anyway - things are generally fine and I'm appreciating friendships and the many good things life has to offer.
Have a great weekend & thanks for reading :)xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
i echo Irish - you are an inspiration. yes, it is a lot to process. every so often it will literally rob me of breath when i think about exactly what you said - the caring so little about me towards the end. i think though Sotto, that really the person they care so little about is themselves. We are merely caught the crossfire as the mirror/partner. I'm glad ss is doing better with the college adjustment. sound to me like you and ng are doing fine, even though it may have its moments ... i like that you both are processing, yet in touch. let's face it, who wants a rebound? this way with you both taking the time to heal you have a much better chance of building something solid if things should go that way.
have a great weekend lovey xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Sotto - I relate to your feeling that you meant so little to your h in the later stages of his crisis. I watch my h who is currently spewing tremendous anger and I cannot believe the way he views me/us. He is swirling with anger.
In actuality, I do not at all believe that you meant little to him. From all I see, MLCers are tornados of emotions and confusion. They have to project their feelings somewhere and the spouse is the target. I see it day in and day out. They have to blame because they lack the perspective to see that the problems are within.
You are an inspiration and a great success!!!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
And, I too, have to echo what others have said...you are an inspiration. Your positive attitude shines thru and helps others see that there is still a way to enjoy life during and after the crisis.
Enjoy your weekend!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sotto, thanks for stopping by at my thread. I agree with others, you are an inspiration. I wish I had your strength and wisdom. I love the GAL, especially salsa dancing and yoga! I used to do yoga, but I have been terrible at keeping my schedule… I prefer to sleep in on the weekends… And I still feel like I need more sleep… So, I miss yoga classes and other work outs… I also always wanted to take a salsa class (I did take a belly dance class about 2 years ago), but just cannot find a good time to sing up…
I get it about the “abrupt end” to the Marriage… I though my M was ok too… And up to this day I still cannot understand how someone could go from telling me he loved me and checking on me, if I arrived safely to the place (when I was traveling ever week for my contracting job)… to a complete silence and indifference… I still remember the first weeks after the BD, when I would arrive to my contract site and there would be no text exchange with H… It felt so unreal…
I’m happy to hear that the things have settled down for your SS at the college. Congratulations on winning the awards at the what sounds like a great beauty party!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
