Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 4

[PsySara]

Coly,
My DB coach said the same thing, I am by nature a very independent person and my coach felt a 180 would be for me to show WH that he can be needed. I was told this some months ago but wow! I never expected this result, this was the first time I felt daring enough to even turn to WH for comfort.

ForGump and Cherry,
I am remaining very guarded and careful.

Dory,
There's an electronic version?! I had no idea. Wh asked today if we could start cooking together once a week and being experimental. A friend sent a one year subscription to a food magazine so I told him we could use it as a guide and new ideas. WH has always has access to all my electronic stuff. HE has changed his behavior drastically in the last few days, leaving his phone out, leaving his laptop out; I know the codes. He told me that he would be available to answer his phone and facetime any time I call him while he is away this week.

It's like his walls just crumbled when I finally showed my pain and vulnerability. He constantly touches me, holds me, says I love you and says he can't imagine a future without me. He thought I was being so detached because I no longer wanted or loved him. He asked me to please come and talk to him any time thoughts of the affair intrude and I start to feel pain, fear or anger. He wants to work 100% to save this marriage. He had previously been looking for an apartment and now looks for a new home for all of us to live in. His actions and behaviors are just like when we first fell in love. He seeks my touch constantly and I am more than willing to give it to him. It's like he can't believe I can still love him after all this.

His expression is one wonder, love, softness and joy. I am reflecting it back and feel grateful that we may be moving forward together. I am looking forward to him being gone this week as it will be a good test to see if this sticks. He thanks me a lot for having the courage to try again. I am glad I paid for the LRT videos becacuse it really encouraged me to work on my 180s, specifically my natural behavior of pulling away from WH and hiding my vulnerabilities. When I decided to take a leap and drop my walls it had a huge impact of WH's perception of me. It seems he thought I didn't want or need him. While it's true I can live without him I never stopped wanting to be with my husband or love him. Will we be together for our lives? I don't know but I am going to enjoy the NOW that we are experiencing together and continue to DB, not just this marriage but my relationships with my children and loved ones.

The last two nights we have put the kids to bed and stayed up VERY late talking, ML and then talking some more. We both have told our fears and angers. We both have apologized to each other for our failures in the marriage. We both have agreed to go forward with the beginner's mind set.

[JksD]

Sara, I am so happy to hear the developments. Your h's actions seem to be those of piecing. Keep on keeping on to do what works. I am rooting for you.

Is h willing to go counselling with you?

[PsySara]

For now I am not approaching the counseling issue. We may end up being able to communicate with a mediator when all is said and done but in the meantime I am just doing trial and error. One thing is for sure, hot tempers are destructive and cool compassion seems to get the results I am looking for.

WH and I had another short but deep talk and he and I feel we want to try dating each other. Neither of us want the pressure of marriage vs divorce so we want to just take it slow and easy and see if we can have some fun on the way. WH flatly told me today that he has no desire to divorce me. I told him that was good but for now let's just meander along and see if we can enjoy each other. I am weirdly calm, I am not jumping at these new turn arounds but I am not scared of them either. I really feel like I am starting to use the beginner's mindset.

[Coly23]

Warm, fuzzy feeling again.... :0)

[JksD]

Sounds good, Sara. Just a quick thought. I don't know if he's going to regress to talking about his feelings for ow again.

If he does, you may want to go back to the option of counselling.

Yes, it's good to have fun. I think a lot of us here forgot to have fun in our troubled Ms.

[PsySara]

Thanks Coly!

Dory,
Counseling is still on the table but for now I am shifting on the back burner until we are ready to start working on the M. For now I am enjoying the strange experience of "Dating" him. I dropped him off at the airport tonight and we ended up texting and flirting. I sent him a selfie with my hair all styled and he got very excited. He also asked for pics of the kids and I sent a bunch of cute ones we took this weekend. He said he wanted to just come home and not even work this week out of state. (it's his last week and he needs the money for his bills) We agreed to text back and forth and he said to call him anytime, day or night, if I needed to talk.

[ForGump]

Amazing
I'm amazed

[Painter]

This is wonderful news. I hope for you and your family's sake that this breakthrough will change the direction of your M for the future.

I agree with being cautious. I went through two similar phases with WH. After about 4-5 months, he started communicating with OW again, and we all know how that ended.

Trust your instincts and be wary if the communications starts shutting down.

[JksD]

Sara, have you read some of the other piecers' thread?

You could try Mowgli, NYGAL and LIM's threads.

[Cherry]

This is amazing and such great news masha Allah

Painter, I had the exact same, 6 months later he was back at it. But now I see the mistakes I made, and I think Sara is far more clued up than I was at that stage, me and wh were just enjoying the euphoria of being a couple again, we didn't work together to fix the issues that got us to that place.

Sara, I hope this sticks and this is a new happier direction for you and your family. Use the week to continue working on you, and thinking about what changes you need to make this stick and save your m. It's nice to see a success story in process, I think we all need that boost that with hard work this can happen, as well as being happy for you and your young. And enjoy the dating phase, and flirty texts etc.