I've read DBing twice and I've been following the 37 rules from almost the beginning. If I'm acting erratic its because I'm stunned. I read nearly all the first person accounts on this board but when things start happening to you, it's still hard to grasp.
Trust me, I've been working on myself. I been going to therapy and GAL. If I had to stay at home and do anything but the 37 rules, I'd lose my mind.
I feel you my man. My wife was a Disney Channel type of girl. Not Cinemax. She was Mary Poppins not Samantha from Sex In The City.
People change. You can't stop that change. All you have control over is how you let it affect you. I'm glad you're following the rules. Don't ignore the affair. Don't cover it up. Don't accept it. Say that you won't be in a marriage with someone who is having an affair, then detach, and keep up your GAL. Start planning your days as if you're already a single father. Plan activities for you and the kiddo and don't include the cheating wife.
Become the absolute best version of yourself that you've ever been. She'll want in on that. You'll probably have her pursuing you if you do this right. When that happens you'll discover that all your work has made you feel great and you don't even know if you still want her. I went from begging and crying over our marriage to saying "I don't know if I want to stay with a cheater. I can do much better."
I really don't know how to deal with the cheating part. She says she not cheating but she clearly is. When she got home last night, I ignored her and went to bed. This morning I didn't even say goodbye. If she doesn't admit it, then what do I do?
You'll surprise yourself with how much you could take.
I'm not talking about slurping up what your W dishes out. I'm talking about taking what life dishes out at you, and your strength to figure it out and deal with it.
How much inner core you got ...? More than you realize.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
I really don't know how to deal with the cheating part. She says she not cheating but she clearly is. When she got home last night, I ignored her and went to bed. This morning I didn't even say goodbye. If she doesn't admit it, then what do I do?
For me the definition of cheating has always been .. If it hurts your spouse its cheating. She will justify it to you, herself and all who will listen that its not cheating, or ... we are going to separate so its justified .. or I am filing for D so I can justify this .... bottom line you know its wrong so she can call it what she wants. My W told me it was not an A since we were separated, I truth darted that statement right out of the water and have not had to her her justification ever again.
My advice, drop the pursuit of trying to get her to admit it, in her mind she was checked out long before this .... what difference would it make if she said .. yup its an A and I am going back over tonight ... or not its not an A and I am going back over tonight. You can not control her nor her words or actions .... at this point just conside any spoken word a lie as well as 50% of what she does.
DETACH ... pull the rug out from under her physically and emotionally. she is getting her needs met by OM, let him fulfill them ALL, he wi only getting the good stuff, its new and they are both drunk off the rush an A brings and the M at this point can not compete. Read the section in DB again that deals with this ... its time to DB hardcore.... read Sandi's posts .. do not be afraid to be your own man and DO YOUR thing
Do I have photos or a DNA sample? No. But if your wife was with another man in his home until 3am, after she told me she was with a female co-worker, what would you think? I only caught her when she neglected my text messages at 2am asking if she was ok. She didn't know I could see where her car was parked and that it was in front of his house for 6 hours. They were just talking. Right.
My W swore on "on her mother's grave" that she didn't even meet the OM. And continue that BS even after the OM sent me pics he took of her when they met. I showed her the pics and she still lied, says her GF took them. Crazy. Yeah, don't believe ANYTHING WWs say.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
DETACH ... pull the rug out from under her physically and emotionally. she is getting her needs met by OM, let him fulfill them ALL, he wi only getting the good stuff, its new and they are both drunk off the rush an A brings and the M at this point can not compete. Read the section in DB again that deals with this ... its time to DB hardcore.... read Sandi's posts .. do not be afraid to be your own man and DO YOUR thing
What is your plan and efforts for this? Putting focus and energy here will strengthen you and the time may uncover the needed answers...
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
I'm doing my own thing. Running, working, cooking and having dinner with my daughter. I only talk to my wife when its explicitly related to my daughter. Today my wife left for work and looked at me and said goodbye. I see see the pain in her eyes. Not the kind of pain that makes her want to work this out, but the realization that I'm not going to be a pushover and beg her. I'm sure her therapist has been pushing her to move on and that the divorce would make all her problems evaporate. However the therapist doesn't have to live with the wreckage left behind by the divorce. All the pain and suffering. I think this is finally becoming real to my wife. I think she thought that I would just argue an beg her into staying in the M.
