Vey detached, no longer anxious, in limbo

[SH_]

My dear Phoebe!

I kinda want to punch something in the face as I read your latest updates...
I am not a violent person I swear, but the letters WTF...are going across my mind like one of those electronic marketing signs...

My heart just breaks at the ongoing developments....a bad movie script could not be written like this.

My prayers are with you and I send you all the rainbow hugs that I can find.

(((((((((Phoebe)))))))))

[Phoebe]

Thank you, Colt and SH. I'm feeling a good but better, mentally. I just kind of feel resigned. It is what it is, whatever happens will be what happens, and I will survive, regardless.

I'm just putting myself on an austerity budget and I'll have to make it work.

SH, I'm right there with you on the WTF scrolling message. None of this makes any sense whatsoever. And Coly, it is absolutely possible that my WH has gone off the deep end. I don't even know if he's still working, or even where he is living.

[Cherry]

I'm so sorry to read the latest developments. Your wh sounds like one of the most wayward on here, I can't imagine you ever being married to someone like this (I know you weren't, not like this anyhow. Still you're doing great and picked yourself back up again.

Keep strong and working on you lovely lady

[J5K]

Phoebe,

I am sorry to hear about the latest action from your wh. We should expect that there is no end to their waywardness. Your wh and my STBX are real winners huh?

Sending you hugs

(((((Phoebe)))))

[Phoebe]

Thanks, Cherry and JK. Yeah, WH is winning no prizes for his behavior, that's for certain.

It's been a couple days now and I am surprisingly relaxed about the whole thing, which is a huge measure of how far I've come since December. I mean, all of my financial security gained over the last 25 years through discipline and sheer dint of effort may have very well just gone up in smoke, and I'm... OK?

By this point in the process, yes, I know there are going to be bad days and ugly surprises, but I'm also learning to roll with whatever happens. I've had to let so much go already; what's one more thing? My life will be different without the financial security blanket we knit together over the last 25 years, and I am going to have to live on an austerity budget for a while, maybe even for the forseeable future, but you know what? I know for damn sure that I can do that!

I know how to live in a tent, and how to carry everything I truly NEED to survive in this world on my back. More importantly I know exactly how little I really need in this world. I need food, water, shelter, clothing, and love/friendship. I have those things already, and STBXH can't run away with any of them.

So WH/STBXH is trying to take all of our savings for himself? Well, unlike him, I have me, myself, and I on my side and Team Phoebe is going to make it just fine.

I have my education, I have my brain and skills, I have my health, I have my family, I have my friends, (be it ever so humble) I have my home and farm mortgage-free, I have gardens and chickens to keep me in veggies and eggs, and I have pets that make me laugh every single day. I may have suffered enormous losses in the last 10 months, but I still have so much. Who am I to complain? I have an incredible number of things to be grateful for, and I am.

Good night to everyone. Thank you for checking in and for your concern. Hugs right back to all of you.

And SH, thank you for the rainbow hugs. They matter.

[Sotto]

I'm impressed with your perspective on this Phoebe. As long as you guys have assets to split, his taking of these funds will be taken into account. The main thing is you can survive now and have legal plans in place - protect, protect, protect..

As you say, he will do what he will do - that needn't spoil your weekend.

Xx

[Phoebe]

Well, I said that I was taking it in 'stride', and today's walk took me through the land of anger and frustration.

I'm feeling balanced again now, but this whole thing is really remarkably bad. There is very little in my hands left to protect. Almost nothing, actually.

I've also taken a stroll through the land of disgust. 25 years of doing the right thing, financially, and now it hangs by a thread and depends on the court system? Awesome. Disgusted with myself, and with STBXH. I took the high road and didn't want to start the money war, and he took the low road. I was a fool and he is, well, I'll just leave that to someone else to fill in an adjective of choice...

Off to get something done. I know I'll be OK, but I'm taking this morning to feel some of my emotions.

Nothing about this is normal, so I'm gong to have a bit of the emotional whip-saw effect. I know that now, and I also know that I just need to let these new waves flow right on through.

[Painter]

Phoebe, you have come so far! This new betrayal - you're just so much stronger and taking it with so much dignity and calm. Yes, all we can do is feel the feelings and try to protect ourselves.

I hope the Ls can act fast before the money is gone. Right now, he probably still has it, but it could disappear quickly if he's into drugs and destructive behaviors. I hope there is something that can be done. If nothing else, a call from one of your Ls to tell him what will happen if he doesn't return the funds.

What does your L friend think?

[Phoebe]

He is afraid STBXH is going to flee the country, or maybe already has. I have to admit that possibility that he might do so has occurred to me, as well. A person has to be off their rocker to violate a court order so blatantly.

Just like the time I discovered that WH may have filed for D, I found this one out right before a holiday weekend. I tried to contact my Ls, but one was in trial all day Friday, and I never heard a word from the other one. Each received emails from me bright and early Friday morning, and now all I'm left with is to wait until
Tuesday.

Breathing. Centering.

Trying not to let this freak me out, and beyond the anger and disgust, I'm mostly keeping succeeding. As long as I don't think about it too much.

[Phoebe]

Well, I continue my efforts to breathe and to stay centered, and mostly, it's been working today.

I know that it probably sounds a bit melodramatic that I have some concern that WH may flee the country, but this spring I found some writings of his that indicated he had considered doing exactly that last year. So... it's a possibility that I at least need to consider seriously.

Yesterday was pretty rough all around, with the emotional whip-saw effect being an all-day project. It's not every week that 25 years' worth of responsible financial decisions potentially goes up in smoke at the hands of my STBXH. I'm grieving the loss of my financial security. Just as when I was grieving my marriage and had to learn and accept that everything I was feeling was totally normal, I need to do that again with this latest loss. I have to accept that what I feel is normal.

I've just been feeling my way through this latest morass, but I've been cycling through the emotions much more rapidly than I did when this whole adventure began. Yesterday I went from furious to disgusted to neutral to grief-stricken, to angry, to resigned, to.... well, let's just say it varied by the hour...

...but today was much better.

I took some benadryl last night to ensure that I got in enough sleep, so I woke up feeling pretty refreshed. I just puttered around and had a relaxing morning, right up until the moment I was cooking myself some nice old-fashioned oatmeal, and relized what I REALLY needed to be doing was driving!!! Somehow the time got away from me and I realized just as I was setting a timer (and therefore looking at the clock), that I had an appointment I needed to get to! Yikes. Abandon oats!!! I made it with exactly zero minutes to spare.

That happened to be an appointment with my therapist, and it was a productive talk. Afterward I went for bike ride with both H-friend and L-friend, which was fun. It was sunny, though chilly, and the trees are in beautiful fall color, so it was a gorgeous day to be outside getting some exercise with friends. The route we take is about 16 miles, so it was a great way to burn off a little bit of that frustration I'd been carrying all weekend.

And now, here I am at this awful hour, tap, tap, tapping away at this journal, when I should be sleep, sleep, sleeping. In my defense, I will say that I've been putting in a genuine effort to improve my sleep schedule, and about half of the time now I'm in bed by 1 am. Yesterday I was in bed before midnight, but the here I am "tonight" hanging out and writing this at almost 3:30 am.

I hope that more sensible sleep habits prevail in other parts of the the DB universe!

Hi to everyone and thanks for checking in on me, Sotto And Painter.