Anger is a part of a script for many WAW's. Mine showed anger at every turn... Pay it no mind and stay focused on you and your D as you have said. Buckle in as it will be bumpy before it calms down. You can see my story for some of the do's and don't's of how to handle things. Rich, JimKao are some other dbers that come to mind with anger being a big challenge.
Hang in there
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Anger is one of the textbook responses to you not reacting the way they expect. They also harbor a lot of resentment and that often is expressed through anger.
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
In order to work up the strength to leave, they have to make you into some kind of a monster. And they (with the help of their friends) blow up all your faults and mistakes until you are the representation of all that is wrong in her life. It makes them feel less guilty for abandoning the marriage.
It's got no basis in reality. My own wife hates me with a passion at this point.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
Let's call this what it is: a psychotic break (at least in my case). And not because she doesn't want to be married to ME. What happens to a person that literally they are behaving with love and kindness one day then 24 hours later they're treating you as if you've ruined their lives? I guess I'm trying to rationalize something that isn't rational. It just seems so insane that I can't wrap my head around it.
And to be angry at ME because I'm not incapacitated by her nonsense makes even less sense. She asked ME for a divorce even though SHE never told me she was unhappy and contemplating ending our marriage. It's been two weeks since the BD and she's acting as if I'm the one who asked for divorce. This is dumb and crazy.
MWD explains the behavior of the WAW... It is not a psychotic break...
I caution you as I see a swing in you that can be emotionally unhealthy if you are not able to identify and work on for yourself... The blame game is part of the script for LBS as I have observed... First we takeep all of the blame, then we blame the WAS... You will see both of us contributed to the breakdown and the goal is to clean up our side... Focus on the whys of the behavior of the WAW can be a cheese less tunnel... Find a rational reason that helps you move your focus, but don't dwell to long because chances are it is a combination of things and knowing specific all of the whys does not change the situation nor what you should focus on to move forward...
I have tried to choose the path of forgivness... Not necessarily for her...but for me and my future well being. Choose the path that you feel will benefit the future msp710...
I hope you have a fine day. I feel the pain and confusion you are experiencing. Focus and effort can shorten the ride.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
This statement may sound a little insane, but don't take her anger personally. Think of it as a side-effect of her waywardness.
Yes, some WW's get angry when the H begins applying the 37 rules, b/c she wants to be in control of him........even though, she currently doesn't desire him. It's not just the rules, b/c no matter what you do......she's going to show anger. That's why I tell LBH'S of a WW to not waste their time trying to please her, b/c that will only make her more angry. Crazy, huh? You aren't dealing with a normal woman in a normal M problem.
The best thing a H of a WW can do is put mental and emotional distance between him and the WW. Just leave her alone and show no emotions in front of her. When she does see you for a few moments, present yourself as a strong, confident man. You don't need her, and you don't have to put up with her bad behavior. At least, that's the persona she should see in you. Don't be an a$$, don't act desparate, and don't be a hen-pecked whimp. Be a man who stands tall, holds his head high, and shows inner strength, and leadership. Be a man you would want your son to be, and a man you would want your daughter to marry.
A lot of men are scared, bc they think it will push her away. They think they need to assure her he wants to save the M. Frankly speaking, the more he shows her he wants her and the M.......the less she desires it. I realize that doesn't make sense to a H, but the mindset of a WW is crazy. She doesn't think logically. When the WW believes he doesn't want her (b/c he's not pursuing and talking about working to save the M, and he is busy GAL), that starts to open her eyes and rethink about what she really wants. It probably won't happen overnight, b/c she has to have time to get her brain working properly. Currently, she is operating from her emotions.
In some of your thinking time, you may need to think about the dynamics in the relationship and home at the beginning of your M. Did it work? Did those dynamics change? If so, how?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Have you dealt with her A yet because she's having one with the co-worker. If not there is no point working on your marriage. You can't work on a marriage when there are more than 2 people in it and there are more than 2 people in yours.
The dynamics changed once my daughter was born. My wife had terrible postpartum depression to the point where I seriously thought she would hurt herself or our daughter. I essentially became my newborns caretaker. For the first few months, I would leave home in the morning and not know if they would be alive when I came home.
After a year we were falling behind on our bills so I suggested that my wife go back to work. That wasn't received with enthusiasm. She relented but made everyone in my home and our family miserable. There was no happiness or joy in our lives. So we decided that the next year, that she would stay home with our daughter even if we were going to struggle with money. She stayed home for four years, then when my business began to fail during the recession, she went back to work. Again, nothing but misery for my home because she had to work.
She resents me for having to work even though most people need two incomes to survive in this economy. She's never let it go. She's told me that I dissapointed her when she had to go back to work.
Also, she agreed to go to marriage counseling after initially resisting. Do I even bother with it? With each passing day she seems further away from our marriage.
