Phase 2 contd.

[Pax_luv]

Thank you Pinn and Esame! It's just feel sick still. I worked really hard and every aspect of my life has improved as a result of this event, but h has never once ever steered from his path. He may be one of those people that MWD mentions in her book- once they close the door, it's closed for good. Nothing is going to pry it open.

I can't be greedy because everything else is great. I guess I would have just liked an opportunity to even see if we could do things differently.

However, I also know with certainty, had he come back, I still would have bore the weight of our marriage ending. He hadn't/ hasn't done the work to acknowledge his side in it. It's perfectly natural to throw out ultimatums to get your way, right?!? Had we tried again, It probably wouldn't have lasted. Also, knowing that I would never ever go back to the r we once had, I'm not certain I would still fit with him with this new lens that I see the world in.

Not saying I'm this perfect catch..... But I'm certainly no where near the same person I was when he left me.

[job]

Feyth,

Your h may be the type that you won't see anything happening until much later on. The work is being done internally and unfortunately, we don't always get an opportunity to see the work in progress. Until his crisis is over, you may not get a glimpse of the "finished product". He may very well be like my xh and remain stuck...no one knows for sure what will happen.

You've come a long way and have grown by leaps and bounds. I would suggest that you continue as you have been and if you want to leave the door ajar, that's okay. This crisis leaves all of us changed. No one remains the same once the dust settles. We, the lbs, take our rose colored glasses off and see the world differently and we, like the MLCers, are not the same. So, if you do reconcile, it will be a new relationship, starting out as friendship because you both will have changed in many ways.

You are the prize and never forget that. I do hope that one day soon he wakes up realizes what he is losing.

[Pax_luv]

Thank you so much for stopping by Job. I appreciate you sharing your expertise on MLC and relationships in general. I know you've probably seen it all while on these boards!

As of right now, I have a sense of fear. I know the time is coming closer to stand my ground and from the little steps we've (he's) taken towards the D, there's potential for it to get ugly. It's just been boiling under the surface.

So, we all know what fear is- Future events already ready or false evidence appearing real.... But I can't deny that I'm scared. Im stronger than when I got here, but sooner or later it will be time to face the music. Ugh... Just ready to get this over with.

[Pax_luv]

He filed yesterday.


What do I do?

[Pax_luv]

He hasn't told me. It showed up on the court records site. I had a feeling to check it and there was my name.

Part of me wants to text him and say something.... But I don't know what that something is.

What do I do?

[job]

Feyth,

If you haven't retained a lawyer, I would suggest you start looking around for one. Start out w/those who offer a free consultation and go from there.

I would sit quietly and wait. I know you would like to say something, but it's best to do what you need to do and quickly w/o him knowing about it at this time. Get your ducks in a row and don't let him see you sweat!

Most importantly....breathe!

[pinn]

Ugh... I'm so sorry feyth. This news actually made my angry... I felt it. I wish I could give you some advice. You will get through this ((feyth))

[ciluzen]

Don't panic. It does feel like a punch in the gut, even when you kind of know its going to happen.

Interview Ls through free consultation. I went with one who charged a flat fee after asking each L how much a D "experience" costs on average. Its becoming more common. Her flat fee actually saved me money and allowed me to not worry about how often I emailed or called with questions and concerns. I did that a lot.

Prepare, then sit and wait...see what moves are made. A good L will set your mind at ease.

This whole thing really bites, but you are strong. You can get through this. You can even DB during and, if you wish, after. Sometimes this is something that they feel they need to do and may have interesting consequences that you couldn't even imagine. I even have two people I've worked with who have been D and then remarried their exes two years later. One after a major affair. Both are still with their Hs. Crazy stuff, but interesting all the same.

Just protect yourself, you are worth it. Let your H do his thing. You have been doing a great job of focusing on you. Keep it up!

[Pax_luv]

Deep breaths are in order. Thank you all. I've been sitting and journaling things out for the last three hours. Had to leave work when I found out because I just couldn't concentrate.

It's hard to see the Mr. Feyth vs. Feyth court case headline. I worked so hard to clean up my side of the street and keep the road back to our m as smooth as possible. This has been steady and consistent work since before June 2015. So to see the "him" vs "me" thing is just crushing. I know this is what divorce is.... Believe me, I'm well aware, but I'm now thinking... Wow, life was so bad that now you have to take legal action against me. Divorce is serious! Ive never even had a speeding ticket and now I have a court case..... Against me! Such a blow to the heart.

Well, he may just have me served tomorrow when we talk. I won't mention anything about knowing this was coming, and I'll be still. I will try really really really hard to not let me emotions show.

I met with lawyers back in January and will be submitting the retainer paper work for one tomorrow morning..the L knows it's coming.

[Pax_luv]

Ok... I'm thinking a lot.

I guess the silver lining is the fact that I found out that he officially filed before telling me. So with that, I can at least be prepared for tomorrow.

I would like some advice, though. If you were me, what would you say? I'm trying to think of the right approach. I could do a complete 180 and be a jerk and say, "mazel tov, you have finally found what will make you happy!!!" Or........ Something a little more DB appropriate . I'm just not sure how I should show up. What do you think?