I just saw this and I just want to stop by and offer you all the love and support I can. I'm sorry your kid feels so sad, I know there are so many life changes going on in the past few years. Thank God for her mom, her rock, her support, and the two of you will get through this.
Please do your best to not pay much mind to the anger your ex has towards you. Is cannot take responsibilities for his own actions and decisions, which are not yours to own. He needs to justify everything to himself. That's all.
Please hang in there, and when you are ready to come back, everyone is here for you
JksD...it speaks to the kind of human being you are that you can still sit back and wish him well after all he has done to you.
Please don't accept one bit of the blame he is casting in your direction. You did not "push him" into anyone's arms. He made a choice not to honor his commitments and act with integrity. It doesn't matter what was happening or not happening in your marriage at the time. It was still his choice to deal with his needs in a healthy manner or not, and he chose wrong. His fault. And knowing he got with the OW *years* before BD? He didn't even give you a chance to fix things. You deserved that much.
I am so sorry your kiddo is struggling too. My D started self harming and talking about wanting to die this past year, and it just makes me so angry at him and his "children are resilient and people get divorced every day." It's painful to see them suffer and not be able to fix it.
Grl, I am so very sorry. I can only imagine the pain that you are feeling, and learning that it had been going on for years before is awful. Don't pay any mind to his thoughts that you pushed him to her, ain't nobody got a gun to his head!! And to rush straight into another m with someone is foolish on both accounts, he won't have learnt how to address his issues, and as for her- well if he could do this to you, he could quite easily do it to her. But that is the kind of karma that a beach like her deserves.
I'm sorry to hear what kid said, I hate that our ex's think that this will not harm the children. It's simply not fair on them whatsoever. Keep yourself strong and well. Keep focusing on you.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Grl, I am so sorry that you and your daughter are feeling so low about this latest betrayal. Well, actually learning that you were being betrayed the whole time you were trying to hold it all together.
I have only been following you since you moved here to Surviving, but felt compelled to go back and read thru your past threads today, because your descriptions of your ex remind me so much of the Hs of several of my other friends on here. Sort of charming lying, cheating, self centered guys, lacking in empathy, lashing out when things don't go their way. Blaming everything that ever went wrong on their wife. Refusing to accept any responsibility for anything. Your ex sounds like a narcissistic sort of man, and I feel so sorry for your daughter.
It broke my heart to read you writing something about you wondering why he is so tender and loving with TP, shares his thoughts and emotions with her, yet is so callous and negative and unloving with you and your daughter. And assuming that ex's family loves TP? Well, what makes you think this? Of course he is, as you say, vilifying you to ease his conscience and rationalize his actions. Maybe there is a grain of truth in that there is something in the way she treats him that plays to his ego, makes him feel like a big man. But I bet you 17 donuts that will change once they are actually married. He was wonderful to you when you were dating too. That did not last long.
I think you know my ex's OW, RT (the Russian Tramp) lived in Moscow. She came here to the US and he went over there a couple of times before we got divorced. I imagined they were doing all kinds of fabulous stuff. He was cranky and lazy and sullen and sick, and we had a SSM for at least the past 20 years, but I imagined them out dancing and dining in elegant restaurants, making love in fancy hotels, a sort of mental mix between Dr. Zhivago and the Orient Express for some strange reason. I used to try to listen thru his bedroom door when they skyped, convinced they were constantly exchanging vows of undying love.
But that was all a big fat lie that I had made up in my head. Now that she is here and they are married, I can see that their relationship is no better than ours was, and that he treats her like he treated me. She insists on going everywhere with him because she knows he cheated on me, and does not trust him.
Please don't be hard on yourself because you still have some feelings for your ex. I think that's natural, he's your daughter's dad, he was your beloved husband. It's really been just about a year, hasn't it? Give yourself time to heal, Grl, you will get stronger and stronger. And able to forgive him, TP and yourself for what went wrong, and move on.
I hope you are feeling better, and that things are improving with your mom too, and that your new flat is coming along. I'm glad you are morphing back into a Girl on Fire! It suits you!
You can try but you'll never forget her name She's on top of the world Hottest of the hottest girls say This girl is on fire...
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
My dear DB friends, I am very touched by your support and love.
I haven't really posted because I have been struggling with the blow, kid, work and horrible renovation works. I am starting to think that I have very poor taste in men indeed...
The (first wave of the) tempest has passed. And when I was struggling, I would lurk in my own thread and read your posts and feel the love emanating from them. And then ugly cry in my marathon pity parties.
And of course, there was the lovely offline support from darlings like V, ARose and tl2.
All this support and kindness was what kept me going.
The past few weeks were very, very dark and I pray to God that these are lessons that I will never have to go through again. But I know I must learn well or I am doomed to repeat them.
I am thankful that there is still enough of Dory in me to keep hope alive, and there is enough of katniss in me to set me on fire and protect myself and kid.
And if I ever start a new thread, I think I know what to call it.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Still struggling with my inverted positions, among other things.
Kid said something touching/ bittersweet that broke my heart all over again but I am not up to posting about it today. Spoiler alert: it has something to do with Colbie Cailat's Try.
I have a big worry that when all this is over, I may just become a Tinwoman, and be doomed to yearning for a heart for the rest of my life.
What I would like to do is to rant about the no- good contractor who tried very unsuccessfully to hit on me. And is now making my life quite miserable with his incompetence and his lies. I am seriously not surprised if he was a WWH.
He is the most narcissistic person I have ever met at such close counter. Eye - opening. And like a true narcissist, he only showed his colours after I signed the contract with him and then refused to show the slightest interest in him personally.
He can't stop telling me that people don't believe his actual age. (I do believe his age.) He got very annoyed when I absolutely refused to be involved with him personally.
Reading the messages he sent me after he screwed up his work big time and got angry with me when I wanted to improve communication and accountability, I couldn't help but chuckle wearily at how much he sounded like a certain someone I know. And for goodnesses' sake, I am his client. How juvenile and unprofessional can he be? I can imagine him stomping his foot and pouting as he was texting me.
Omg. Is there something about me that keeps attracting men like him?
With my warped sense of humour, I can't help but feel that this is some divine intervention telling me not to touch him with a 10- foot pole. Message received loud and clear.
Not that I was ever considering him in a romantic manner after what I managed to find out about him. I can only thank God that my radar for potential creeps is not that broken after all.
And maybe this whole fiasco is keeping me from becoming obssessed with kid's father's impending nuptial. There has to be a silver lining somewhere, right? Right?
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
