Well, another tough day but for different reasons.
I talked to fatboy's W most of yesterday. She told me stuff that floored me. Sex in the woods, behind dumpsters, drunk in parking lots before they knew each other's names. Everything, EVERYTHING she's told me this entire year has been a lie. I got all my anger out yesterday. From what his W said, they are TRULY addicted to the high and are thinking about as clearly as a strung out heroin addict. They have no money, get drunk all the time, go to strip joints and drop the money they do have. He doesn't see his child, or his invalid bedridden parents. My W is controlling the hell out of him, as he's tried to leave 4-5 times and she convinces him she's pregnant. It seems like she's figured out she can't control me, and my son cannot be controlled by anyone, so she's found a weak doofus who she can manipulate like a marionette. Coconut, you're right. Something built on these lies, deception and moral garbage is a ticking timebomb.
My reaction is: It's all about my baby now. When this thing blows up, and it will, she will either do the things I ask as Sandi has written constantly about. Or she will not be allowed home.
I called the L this morning. He told me that, based on our current pattern of him sleeping at my house 6 days a week (and doing so for roughly 2 months) along with the fact she abandoned him (not in the legal sense, but the practical) and left home leaving him with me, it's almost cut and dry that I'd be named his physical and legal Custodian. She would also owe me child support, and on top of that have to pay a percentage of any doctor bills, tuition and insurance premium costs. HUGE HUGE HUGE.
I don't believe my wife is a fit parent, and I worry about my son in such a toxic, evil, dysfunctional environment. I truly have no idea who this woman is.
It's a tough day, because I can see myself bawling signing the papers but knowing it's right. I can see myself having the discussion with my son in a few years "Daddy, why did Mommy leave?" I can see myself as the Dad who shows up to Muffins with Mom at school. It's tragic, horrifying and just plain disgusting. She will have potentially traded FOURTEEN years of my son's life, and possibly more once he's of age because who knows what he'll think then, for what? A big, fat, stupid bum. God help me.
The thing of it is, when I was talking to his W last night I recognized all the things she was saying. All the signs I've read about here. There's no love there. No future. No nothing. She spammed me a bunch this morning, because she's freaking out and still trying to tell me how to feel, how to react and what to do. MORE control. I told her she has a LOT of work to do to earn my trust, because I don't believe a word she says. She said why, we're not together. I said forget marriage or so-called coparenting. I mean as a person. She said that was the "most civil thing you've said to me that I would like to work towards." What a joke. Oh, and she's so paranoid. EVERYONE is against her!
His W said he feels sorry for them. She still wants him to come home. I told her some DB stuff, told her not to beg or plead anymore but if he DOES come home again to not accept any stipulations from him. Because he'll just continue to do what he wants anyway.
I'm handling this the best I can. I'm living. I'm happy my son will be in a loving, safe home with his Daddy as much as possible. I can't believe she did this to us, and more importantly him. It's preposterous.....
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
RSG... please, please, please work on losing the anger. Go back and re-read my last two threads, the anger will eat you up as it did me. Feel it, process it, punch a bag, work out, get it out of you, but don't let it fester. When you see your WW next, do something nice for her, find forgiveness' for what she has done (don't need to tell her, its for you not her).
My first step in forgiving my WW was bring her a cup of coffee, up until that day I woulda considered throwing it in her face, but I decided that I would no longer have the hate. Forgiveness is the most gratifying thing you can do for yourself.
Don't get lost in the anger buddy, I'm not saying you are, I'm just saying it isn't that hard to do so I want you to watch out for it.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
RSG, the anger is good and bad. It's a great way to get out a ton of frustration and pain that's built up but if you direct it towards your W it can kill any work you have done. Best to let it settle, get in some exercise, and then make your decisions on how to proceed.
Hang in there brother. How are you today?
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
How you doing RSG? I can imagine that the past couple day have been rough. Hopefully you got to spend some quality time with your little guy
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
RSG, how goes it? I'll echo what the other guys have said. Hope the weekend offered some time to decompress and you enjoyed it w/ your S. Completely get how tough this stuff can be at times.
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
Well, my year of hell continues. Thank you guys for checking up on me.
The details keep coming out and they're sick. I have no choice but to divorce. The sex is nasty enough. It's the fact that every word out of her month since last November has been a lie. She used my love, my hope and the love of my family against me and used it for her own gain.
My stomach is in knots, and the tears come and go. I DID get a lot of quality time with my boy. He has held me together through all this, and he's doing it again. He did well at his evaluation yesterday and I just need to get a few more forms filled out so the city can determine what he's eligible for.
I've never felt pain like this before. This kind of betrayal. To trust someone implicitly and to be used in every way possible. I am sleeping ok though. I'm emotionally exhausted, so I zonk right out. I loved my wife. I wanted to live my life with her. There's just something wrong inside of her. She's not a happy person, and I don't think she'll ever be. I had my faults in our marriage, but she KNEW I was full of love. And that's how she got me.
I want to bring a positive female role model into my son's life again after I've picked myself up and am able to be serious with a woman again. I have a ton of love to give. I'm a good man, intelligent, provide as best I can, attractive and a great father. I know I can find a good woman.
But for now, I'm just trying to survive.
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
