WW Starting to talk again. Not sure if I want her.

[RSG]

Thank you RSG. Legendary stuff.

We will all wobble.

When you do I hope to be there in the way you have for me today.

Surfer.

No problem mate! It's hard in the moment, trust me. But being kind probably makes you even angrier.

You may or may not know, but I loathe the term "coparenting." Anyway, spending time with your child is always right! If you're like me, spending time with them, even if you're just overseeing them entertain them entertaining themselves, does amazing things for your mind, body and soul.

And, let out a cry. I had to learn. When you suppress emotions, especially the pain associated with a cry, it comes out later in much worse fashion. Just let it happen, and let it go. It won't last forever!

You're doing well, keep fighting!!

[Cherry]

Ha RSG I admit I kinda agree on the coparenting thing. It's almost, but not quite as bad as that whole Chris Martin and Gwynth Paltrows "consciously uncoupling" I mean wtf, just say your divorcing- don't wrap it up to sound like some in new trend.. Anyhow.

But yup, agree with RSG. I have dealt with many situations in my life that I had to deal with all at once because I suppressed my feelings so hard I locked them away thinking it made me less of a person or weak to cry. Maybe I still do it to a degree. But I had a good cry last week so I think I let a lot out. The next day, I was calmer, had more clarity and accepted this what happening and to step another step away from him.

We all do want our spouses back to a degree I think. But like you've said to me, not like this we don't. Even if they ran back now, without the work, we'd all be a tad resentful for what we've been through that it'd never work. I know deep down I do love my wh, of course I do. But I also know he's hurt me deeply.

I hope swimming was good anyway. Being around these children bring us true joy and love. I remember the second my S was handed to me, I got such a rush of love, a kind I've never felt in my life, the kind that you know you'd do anything to protect them, hell I think I'd even kill for him. This is what I'm focused on for the next few months, carrying this little one and being handed a little person that right this minute is unaware of how loved he/she really is. Enjoy them, every minute. You are an absolutely amazing dad, truly. And so hands on, not every dad is like that, so be proud of yourself. You're protecting them so well and not for a second making them feel they are unloved

[Surfer]

RSG, Painter, Cherry,

Thank you for the very supportive words.

Didn't end up shedding a tear but the firsts are certainly hard. That being said my sadness has moved almost fully now - felt like borderline depression. Decided I need to gym more. It always helps when I go and have not been there for ages. I remember forcing myself to run in the midst of those horrible co-habiting days it helped. I was sooooooo screwed up though. Nights of spew, rage followed by no sleep then fear in the morning as I acted as if I was cheerful when inside I felt depressed and mentally unhinged. Glad that period is over.

Took S6 swimming then we went for dinner with his pals from swimming. All good fun. Their Nan came too so it was nice just to have an adult chat. And just single glass of wine. Need to pack the binge drinking in - ir never works. Now on tea!

D8 is fine although her infection has spread and W suggested taking her to hospital. I said I'd be happy to bring S6 home or take her to H. She asked about what I though and had more co-parenting chats about tomorrow, the weekend etc. W is taking kids on my day to do something she booked a long time ago. I decided that was okay - it's about them ultimately.

W talked a lot to me today, both had lots of eye contact and I validated subtly, but kindly. She seems to be responding kindly back and even asked if I had eaten and I said no she offered me some pizza. I declined, not really eaten since anniversary. It won't last - my appetite is returning.

I will look after D8 again tomorrow after dropping S6 to school. Looking forward to it. Will have to fit in some work thought as today I have been a little tardy on that front.

Thanks for the points on co-parenting and yes it is a cr@p phrase. I don't thin W has an OM now. So if she starts works not back to show respect the opportunity to piece remains. I won't hold my breath......but it's possible. There was certainly respect today - lots of and no disrespect.

Watch this space, but not expecting anything although I am aware of my mind reading and future forecasting. Need to keep that in check.

A few more minutes of cuddle and Lego Star Wars then bed for S6.

Surfer.

[hawker]

Decided I need to gym more. It always helps when I go and have not been there for ages. I remember forcing myself to run in the midst of those horrible co-habiting days it helped. I was sooooooo screwed up though. Nights of spew, rage followed by no sleep then fear in the morning as I acted as if I was cheerful when inside I felt depressed and mentally unhinged. Glad that period is over.

I hear you Surfer....the gym has helped me out tremendously!!! Thank goodness those days are over for me as well...ugh...it was so tough and painful! Hang in there!!

[Coly23]

Surfer, your W's cousin so had an agenda to go and report back to your W. So sneaky! You did well to not give her what she wanted!

I think I would be more worried if you didn't have a little melt down on such an important day as your wedding anniversary, you are human.

((Surfer))

[Surfer]

Thanks Hawker. It amazes me that behavioral patterns are so similar.

Surfer.

[Surfer]

Thank Coly. Yes, v sneaky. It's part of the nature of some. Those that thrive on always having an arguement, a fight to pick, they struggle to bond unless they are doing so through being a victim or through 'the enemy of my enemy stuff'. I also think there is a jelousy in this type of bahaviour too. Often validation by others rather than self validation is key and if they were to loose the validator they loose out on being 'valid'. There is almost a greedy need to them. Dangerous. They hate it when you with love and kindness and exit without giving them anything. I touched her arm after say 6-8 attempts to needle and said "ah well must got off, bye". She was

[Surfer]

...(oops) fuming.

I often think of this song when I deal with this kids of person or the type that wants to blow your candle out to make theirs burn brighter.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9pcqg2aoGgo

Surfer.

[Surfer]

'Kind'

[Surfer]

W just called and we spoke for 15mins about D8. Been to hospital. She is fine. Did lots of validating and thanked her for taking her and for updating me. We talked about plans for tomorrow and her frustration with D8 being unwell. Basically down to school not giving her the correct plaster (band-aids) on a small abraision. She has a massive allergy to adhesive it brings her out in sceptic blisters. Poor thing, anyway she is fine and I will look after her tomorrow so W can go to work - I am more flexibile like that with my work.

W seems to be genuinely more communicative bad greatful. She is definately not resentful or disrespectful at present. This could change of course. If anything I am just pleased for this so the kids can see us talk kindly. Lovingly even to each other.

Who knows where we will end up with this journey.

Surfer.